DS is very much going through the terrible twos right now. He swings between having a tantrum on the floor to being defiant and trying to run away/break things/pull the cats tail - whatever seems to give him some power and annoy someone (usually me). His favourite word is no (even when he means yes) and everything is a drama - if he doesnt want something he cant just say no he has to cry and shout about it. Pretty standard trying two year old behaviour but very difficult to handle at times.
On top of this I am 31 weeks pregnant and coming to the end of hyperemesis although still feel pretty rough. I work full time in a mixture of a job and studying and am pretty stressed out in general trying to get things sorted before DC2 arrives. DH works at least 6 days a week and I do all the picking up from nursery etc and most of the housework as he simply isnt home.
Anyway I was talking to DH about how hard I am finding things now with his behaviour and my bump and his response was that Ds simply plays up with me and is lovely for everyone else (himself included). Understandably I am very upset by this (perhaps with added hormones) but am at a loss. He does seem to have fewer tantrums with other people but I thought that was because they were more novel to him. DH says he doesnt act up anywhere near as much for him but he only sees him for perhaps 30 minutes in a day and then on and off on a sunday (and thats usually with me there too).
Is it my fault? Am I being the bad mum I worry I am or is he just being insensitive? Do your DC's play up more for you as you are the one who spends the most time with them and they are most comfortable with? Is DH just fun because he rarely sees them?
ARGH! Am somewhere between annoyed and angry at DH for smugly saying this and devastated because I really am exhausted.
Hi, sounds like your having a rough time at the moment but i can assure you, you are not a bad mum at all. You hit the nail on the head. Your son plays up for you cos he spends the most time with you, you discipline him, and no 2 year old likes that much. As you say, your DH isn't around much so when he is, its all fun.
Its tough being the most active parent as you do get most of the tantrums etc but stay strong. Its all normal and expected from a 2 year old and it will get better.
Thank you. I try everything - we got out and do things he loves to do and I try to make our time together as fun as possible. Saying that I am going to discipline him - he cant eat chocolate for breakfast/run into the road/eat bird poo and he resents that somewhat (being two lol).
At the moment with the bump and the hormones and stress at work it all feels too much and I seem to spend a lot of time in tears after he has gone to bed as Im not coping. What I dont need on top of that is DH coming home and telling me its only me (and to me implying its my fault).
What would i do without mumsnet??
If you have the two year old with you most of the time it behoves you to parent to the best of your ability whilst you have him. If he's playing up and you feel stressed then there are some great books about he subject. Did you ever watch "Supernanny" on TV ? You need to regain self-confidence in your ability. Your partner doesn't seem to be greatly involved. Perhaps he could work just 30 hr a week and share some of the trials and tribulations of parenting. A joint parenting plan would help a lot. Even the bad experiences can be good
"Your partner doesn't seem to be greatly involved."
No sh*t. And the implication that it's somehow your fault (i.e. that your son is fine with everyone else) is bloody unhelpful to say the least. That really is tight. Far too many men get off lightly in all this, it seems to me. Even today in supposedly more enlightened times.
Waiting, could your partner not take over the parenting of DC for at least 9 weeks plus 6 weeks after. He is going to have to anyway once the newbie arrives.
Infact, let's be intolerant and tell your DP to sort his life out and take over the main parenting role of DC whilst you finish cooking DC2! he needs to pull his weight.
It sounds like you are upto your eyes with everything and doing your best (which is more than good enough).
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