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im being pushed to my limit.i dont feel like a very good mum right now

(121 Posts)
copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 12:22:06

im sick of moaning on heresad
j has got himself a right temper and is fighting me over most things.nappy change.bottles.going in pushchair.sleeping. the list goes on.i cant cope with it.its making me anxious which isnt goodsad
i dont want to be amum at the momentsad

OhYouBadBadKitten Thu 03-Jul-08 12:26:16

{{{{CVQ}}}} that sounds exhausting. Is there anywhere you can get out to for a bit of a break or perhaps meet some friends - sorry if thats being a bit obvious.

notjustmom Thu 03-Jul-08 12:26:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PussinJimmyChoos Thu 03-Jul-08 12:35:07

Coping - my DS went through a phase where he just would not do anything for me. I can remember incident where it took 1 hour and 30mins to get him to lie down for a nappy change once (he would laugh and run off or scream madly if I layed him down) ...I was in floods with the frustration of it and worried as he'd had poo and didn't want his bum to get sore....he didn't want to get dressed/undressed/have a bath/hair wash/eat ...I could go on and on!

However, now he's understanding more things (he's just turned two)..his behaviour is improving - slowly, but surely and it DOES get easier. Had my first break through this morning actually!! This morning I said right, lie down for mummy so I can change your bum

No

Ok then, if you don't lie down for mummy after the count of three, the night garden gets turned off.

1...2....3...

Right ok, you didn't lie down, its going off.

WAHHHHHH!!!

Do you want the night garden back on?

Yes

Ok lie down for mummy then

Cue DS trotting over happily and lying down!! I gave him lots of praise and turned the TV back on!

I know the TV isn't the ideal reward but hey - got the job done grin

copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 12:39:53

i hear what your saying but im tired.ive already tried to go out but he throws himself around when i try and get him in the buggy why?it ended up with me sat crying.hes been like this the last few days and i just dont get it.its like hes turning in to his fathersad

copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 13:21:32

sadi need to get out of here

wasabipeanut Thu 03-Jul-08 13:24:55

Coping, you need to organise some emergency babysitter - friend, family whatever and go to your GP. As soon as possible.

You sound like you truly cannot cope and that isn't good for either of you. Everybody has days of wondering why in the name of god they signed up for this but I get the impression with you that this runs deeper.

Please get some help.

<hugs>

lazarou Thu 03-Jul-08 13:30:41

ds1 did the fighting the nappy change thing. Ds2 lies down for me quite happily, but there are things he won't do that ds1 will.
It will pass though.

Gemzooks Thu 03-Jul-08 15:38:08

coping, they do go through funny phases. my DS suddenly started hating the buggy and screaming when he was in it, then two weeks later it had passed, and no one had any idea why. Can you get some support off a mate or sister, just go out for a walk somewhere new and have a coffee, or go to a mums and toddler group? It is very very hard being a mum so don't beat yourself up. I often get those times when he won't go in the buggy or whatever and I just try and make him and feel really fed up, and the situation is only made worse. I found what helps is, even if I don't feel like it, if I try to act very positive, stay patient or make it into a game or whatever, then nine times out of 10 DS will respond to that. It's like they take their cue from you, and they know when you're annoyed and try and reflect it back at you...

Get outside with him this afternoon and feed the ducks or go to the playground at least, and make a plan for doing something nice for yourself.. others will prob be along soon with better advice.. chin up!

peacelily Thu 03-Jul-08 15:48:33

Coping big hugs to you ((((((hugs)))))).

I truly empathise my dd21m is a little madam at the moment everything is "no" and she kikcs off and resists every nappy chnage, every car seat starp in etc.etc. She's also belting and biting other kids a lot at the mo which means I'm a ball of anxiety every time I leave the house with the fear that she might attack someone elses child.

it's good te hear from other posters this does pass eventually. Try to get some time out for yourself soon and you're a great Mum, otherwise you wouldn't be so hard on yourself smile

cory Thu 03-Jul-08 15:54:34

copingvquietly on Thu 03-Jul-08 12:39:53
"i hear what your saying but im tired.ive already tried to go out but he throws himself around when i try and get him in the buggy why?it ended up with me sat crying.hes been like this the last few days and i just dont get it.its like hes turning in to his father"

You poor thing. It sounds like you have a lot of bad baggage.

But you do have to remember that your little one can't possibly know this. He is just doing what toddlers do. My dd was the same and her Dad is the most gentle person you can imagine. She used to scream at the top of her lungs and arch her back to make sure I couldn't strap her into the buggy.

lucyellensmum Thu 03-Jul-08 16:46:01

ive just seen this and wanted to offer a hug!

i actually posted on my thread about it. But dont beat yourself up over it, this reminds me of my friend telling me - one day you will have to learn the knee in tummy manouvre to get dd in the buggy - she was right blush. The first time i had to do this was in M&S, thankfully a sympathetic old dear held the buggy for me and said "don't worry dear, they all do this".

Just reassure yourself that your DS is just doing what comes natural, he has found he can assert himself by non-co-operation.

Did you get out at all today? We managed the beach, it was lovely.

Keep fighting, you are doing great. And thanks for looking out for me on my thread too. Im feeling a little better.

DutchOma Thu 03-Jul-08 17:04:09

What's happening now? Did you get anywhere?

MrsDougRoss Thu 03-Jul-08 17:17:59

CVQ, have you spoken to any of your mn friends I know some have helped you in the past.

remember he is not his father he is a baby who knows no malice, that does not help much i know. The next thing is next time he goes to sleep, have a bath, put a film on or whatever you do to relax.
Maybe he needs some activitys librarys offer good free classes like baby rhyming. Some time where you can both do something fun and away from home.

copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 22:07:12

i havent spoken to anyone today.i dont want to speak to anyone

copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 23:34:09

if anyone is around i could really do with talking about some stuffsad

justdontknow Thu 03-Jul-08 23:39:23

Hey, are you ok? x

micci25 Thu 03-Jul-08 23:39:27

i see things havent got much better today then? sorry its hard isnt it!!

is there anyone who could give you a break for a while?

copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 23:43:28

no im not ok.ive done alot of thinking today and i dont think i can do this anymoresadi dont know what to do.

justdontknow Thu 03-Jul-08 23:45:53

It is so hard sometimes.

What are you finding difficult today?

I know how it feels as if it's all too much sometimes...

micci25 Thu 03-Jul-08 23:47:10

every one has days like that!! im v laid back and have been told today that i dont get stressed i just go along with things but right at this very moment i am gioing to murder dp and am sooooo glad that dd1 is going out for the day tommorrow otherwise ill possibly murder her too! i just wish they would take dd2 aswell since she isnt much easier these days!!

though that is nothing in comparison to what you are going through!!! do you have any counsillors you can talk to?

VeronicaMars Thu 03-Jul-08 23:49:06

Hi CVQ have you spoken to anyone in rl about this? Or perhaps your gp?
It is hard and it's the most difficult job in the world but remember that it is also the most rewarding.
You sound like you are completely exhausted and in need of a break. Is there someone who can give you a few hours to yourself?

katpotat Thu 03-Jul-08 23:53:09

Is there anyone who can take him so you can have a break. I think you need to see your GP or Health Visitor and explain how you are feeling.

copingvquietly Thu 03-Jul-08 23:54:42

im a single parent.im sick of being alone but have major trust issues with other people.im already under mh and on ads.i dont know what to do anymore.i never asked to be like this.i feel like im resenting j.hed be better off somewhere else.im doing my best but its not enough or good enough.

micci25 Thu 03-Jul-08 23:58:06

your his mum everything you do will be good enough because you know what is best for him

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