can't put baby down anywhere!!! HELP!!!

[fatnhap]

Hi, gosh it's been a while since
i've been here ... really missed it but no chance since I had my daughter 3 months ago. she came 6 weeks early and as she was in hospital for 3 weeks i tried to make up for our lost time together by holding her a lot and then letting her sleep in a papoose on me most of the time. of course she is no longer 4 pounds and my back is breaking + i now need my space .... 3 months of baby on me has taken its toll!! my hubby and i have been trying to put her down in her crib but no chance, she wakes up in 5 minutes and then we have to start all over again. Any tips on tackling this? do we wait till she nods off and put her down, pick her up whe she cries and put her down again etc. or is it better to go for the crying out method ... let her cry a bit more everyday and eventually she'll settle herself. Heard of both these methods but can anyone who has gone through this weaning give me a bit more detail on how to go about it. good to be back on mumsnet and pls don't think i'm rude if i don't reply immediately as baby is most likely the reason any help would be much appreciated.

[NotQuiteCockney]

My DS2 prefers to be on me or with me when going to sleep - I just nurse him to sleep in our bed, and then sneak off. This works pretty well. (He sleeps with us at night.) There are some other methods about, I'm sure other people will be along with some more.

[mum2mikey]

hey, there seems to be no one chatting, just i get five mins peace and quiet!!!!!!!!!1

[paolosgirl]

I know it's hard, but I would suggest you leave her to cry for a bit, and gradually extend it by a couple of muinutes each time. Easy for me to say, I know! Good luck

[mum2mikey]

hey fatnhap, ive been through that and its a nightmare,in the end i let my boy cry himself to sleep and it worked

[dinosaur]

Try white noise. DS3 will settle himself in his cot if Ileave the hairdryer on.

[fatnhap]

how long can it take before she masters this skill of sleeping on her own in her own cot.

[mum2mikey]

i found dtermination is the key. they know if you will give in. just put her in it and let her cry, its hard and ti will be upsetting but it honestly does work. it takes a few nights though,untill it will start to work at all.

[dinosaur]

How old is the baby? You should not leave her to cry before the age of six months at the earliest.

[mum2mikey]

all babies are different. all mine were left to cry from 3 months, and by 5 months they knew their bed time and where they slept.

[biglips]

my baba is 4 months old, if she start crying i leave her to cry for a bit until she really howl but most of the time she cry herself to sleep or shuts up, as she realised im not gonna be picking her up everytime she cried... it will work. as your baba is used to having you picking her up as she cried, so give it couple of days and it will work

[biglips]

i left mine to cry when baba was 2 months old.

[vicdubya]

At 3 months I used to put ds in his bouncy chair after a feed, in the living room (tried a carry cot but he hated being prone as he was very sicky) and he would nod off, I would then have a kip on the sofa.

Around 4 months he started to not settle in a room where there were things going on like tv etc so I started feeding him upstairs & put him in his cot afterwards or on our bed & then kip together.

Now he is 10 months I always put him in his cot unless we are out & about.

The softly softly approach was right for us, I couldn't bear to leave him crying cos he always got hysterical.

[morningpaper]

If she was premature and is now only 3 months old, she shouldn't be knackering your back yet - I think this suggests that you might want to see a physio and do some gentle exercise to make your tummy muscles stronger.

I carried mine around until she was about 9 months I think so I've got no other advice.

[fatnhap]

fair enough but i'm 5 ft tall and 8 stone so carrying an eight pound baby is heavy for me!!! i

[bensmum3]

Hi, I'm feeling quite unusual here, I've breastfed to sleep for the first year, then cuddled all 3 of mine to sleep until 2 years old,and enjoyed every minute of it (they grow up so quickly) At 2 we started bedtime stories, then moved to tapes and finally just a kiss goodnight (usually after a story), but my older 2 now go to bed and stay there with no problems at all, whereas my neices who settled themselves from 3 months are now terrible sleepers ! I think you have to do what feels right for you.

[emkana]

I'm with bensmum here - have always fed/cuddled mine to sleep.
Dd1 who's 3 and a half is fantastic at going to bed now.

TBH the thought of leaving a baby who is only six weeks old in real terms (as she was born six weeks early) makes me feel very very sad. Cuddle her, cuddle her, cuddle her - she's still so young, has no idea what is going on around her and needs you to give her trust and an understanding of the world! Invest in a better sling if your back hurts - there's the hug-a-bub for example which is good.

[hercules]

Agree with last two posters.

[hercules]

Agree with last two posters.

[HunkerMunker]

Me too (and Hercules both times )

[bensmum3]

Just thought I'd add here, that you shouldn't feel guilty for sitting down with her either ! Jobs that are'nt done today can be done tommorrow, or by the person that comments that you have dust on the mantlepiece, this time is very precious, relax and enjoy !

[hercules]

Yes, sorry

[emkana]

Oh and a baby this young does not cry because she is "manipulative" - "Heehee I'll cry because then I'll get my own way" - she is too young by far to have any thoughts like that.
She's crying for you because she loves you and needs you. Taken to the extremes - if you were out in the jungle she would die without you - how does she know that you're in the sitting room and that she's quite safe in her cot? For her being away from you is potentially life-threatening.

[Clayhead]

And me!!!

My dd is 3 now and goes to sleep brilliantly on her own but after stories and cuddles (which I love as much as she does). I still cuddle ds (17 months) to sleep.

[hercules]

You do know we may get slated for such comments

[emkana]

I quite often only lurk on MN as I don't have enough time to get involved in threads - but this kind of thing always makes me want to respond. Just feel so strongly that tiny babies should get lots and lots of cuddles.