Tips needed so DD bonds with dad

[Chikoo]

Hi everyone, really need help so that my six month old lets DH sooth her, put her to bed etc without crying and crying for me.

I've been looking after her since birth with DH getting involved at weekends and after work if she is still awake. DD will play with him when fully awake and have fun. But - when it is nap time or she is hungry she will not let him sooth her and feed her. So I've ended up doing all of that. I know it has set up a vicious circle but not sure how to start changing things. We need to because I have to return to work in 3 months and DH is going to mind her 2 days each week and when I am away on-call in the evenings and at weekends. We are now dreading it! So we have 3 months to change things and any advice or experience would be helpful from you all.

[Midge25]

Hi Chikoo. Am watching and bumping as I have the same problem. Issue started for us when DH had to start new job out of area and was only home at weekends, sometimes alternate weekends. We're now reunited after selling our house, but have similar experience to you... My DD is 5.5m

[IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast]

We had same problem at same time.

We had a policy whereby I got him off to sleep, then when he woke DP would go in while he was still sleepy, and try to soothe him back off. We never let him get too upset because we felt it just meant he associated DP with badness. When he got really upset I stepped in and settled him. It took a long time and at first he would only doze on DP's shoulder and wouldn't be put down, but eventually (on Christmas day!) he let DP settle him properly. It was a huge relief for us both.

Do persevere, but I reckon they get better anyway even without us pushing them gently in the desired direction!

[bluewolf]

Had similar problem but my dd is now 9mnths and suddenly it seems a lot easier - thwe breakthrough for me came when dd was crying once put to bed and it suddenly occured to me that DP could stroke her head just as well as I could. By this point, afetr bedtime feed I would only comfort her in her cot rather than taking her out to bf.
I think I just kept assuming before than anything to do with dd should be done by me and didn't let anyone elae get a look in.
Maybe you could let dp do small random things and work up from there.
Remember 3 months is a LOOOOONG time in baby years and she will have changed a lot by then

[BigTummyMummy]

Agree with bluewolf, 3 months from now things may well be different. They will get to know each other better and he will get more intuitive to know what helps her settle. She will probably settle into it just fine once she realizes the pattern, 2 days with daddy then mummy for the rest of the week.

[ummadam]

we have things we normally do with our DS who is 5.5m ie - daddy normally does bath and EBM bottle before bed and soothes him to sleep if he wakes at night (OH is lovely and I get a bit more sleep) and obviosuly i do the day stuff and now we are weaning it is me who gives him breakfast and lunch in the highchair.

At the weekend and on days off we have role reversal so daddy does meals and playtime in the afternoon (while I get a shower - bliss!) and I do bath and bed. He still eats better for me and goes down better for daddy but is starting to learn that we are inter-changable in that respect!

[bluewolf]

try and relax enough to let dp do a bit of a rubbish job for a while without interfering (by rubbish I mean not as good as you) - there will be things that he will end up excelling at but when the dc is so young obviously its all about you

[Chikoo]

Thanks everyone, quite reassuring to know how things can change.