When the parent is in the wrong, how to handle it?

[MrsSnape]

Try to picture the scene.

Very hectic weekend, on sunday we were out from 7am until 9pm at DS's competition...very knackered Sunday night and Monday morning.

DS normally goes to bed between 9 and 10pm.

Last night however I was so tired, wasn't feeling to well etc and so when we got home from karate at 8pm I told DS he was to go to bed early as the night before had been so tiring and hectic.

He kicked up a huge fuss asking why he had to go to bed early, saying it wasn't fair, he was going to miss Friends and he hadn't even done anything wrong and I just ended up getting more and more annoyed and it erupted into a huge row.

Half way through I recognised that I was actually in the wrong, you can't just come home and suddenly drop a bedtime two hours early for no real reason...but DS had kicked up such a fuss, slamming doors, screaming etc that to admit it and give in, letting him stay up later would in a way encourage him to kick off everytime he wants his own way.

So, how would you have handled this?

[MrsSnape]

He's 9 btw.

[VictorianSqualor]

I would've apologised to him the next day, and said that he was right, it was unfair for you to send him to bed early because you were tired.
However, he too had had a busy day and his tantrum only confirmed to you that he was tired, then emphasise that if he ahd spoken to you properly you may have discussed it with him at the time and relented.

[pagwatch]

You may have been 'wrong' to change bedtime but he clearly did not handle it well.
And tbh he does not have the right to a certain bedtime.
Obviously it wasn't your finest hour but I wouldn't ponder it too long and hard.
It helps our kids to see that we are human and that life is not about exact and predictable outcomes.
Whatever your level of 'error' in messing with his bedtime at such short notice he still has no right to behave so badly. No right at all.
i would probably talk to him about it and say exactly that - that you were tired, that perhaps sending him to bed was a bit unfair and that if you had it to do again you would do it differently. But that he still is your child and needs to do as he is told without behaving like a spoilt infant when he gets a bad break.

[littlepinkpixie]

Doesnt sounds too bad. You were concerned that he was tired, and he took it badly.
Maybe dont do it again, but I wouldnt go as far as apologising to him. I think that there is a balance between respecting their opinion, but also you being the parent and therefore the one who at the end of the day decides the best way forward.

[pagwatch]

Have to say I agree with TMMJ as poor old DS1 is in bed by 10.00 and he is 15

(mind you he is generally knackered).

[Twiglett]

ooo nice judging there janitor

[Uriel]

In your situation, I would have admitted I was wrong, let him stay up a further half hour (to wind down) and recorded Friends for him rather than let him watch it (as he'd had a tantrum).

In RL, I wouldn't let my kids watch Friends and my 9 yo goes to bed at 8.30.

[PinkTulips]

10pm is extremely late for a 9 year old anyway.

his behaviour clearly shows that he's not old enough to be up that late so although you might have been a little unfair changing bedtime with so little warning he could have reacted reasonably and gone upstairs quietly and read a book for a while if he really wasn't tired. he chose to throw a tantrum like a spoiled toddler so it's entirely reasonable that he was treated as such

[KnickersOnMaHead]

Message withdrawn

[seeker]

I think you were wrong to arbitarily change bed times. Maybe you could have suggested that you both flop on the sofa with books or something like that.

But I'm in the "9 is too young for Friends and for staying up so late" camp.

[KaSo]

He's NINE and he goes to bed at 10pm? Yup, parent IS in the wrong.

[kingprawntikka]

My 15 year old goes to bed at 10, i think thats too late for a nine year old

[juuule]

I would probably have apologised as soon as I realised that I was in the wrong. I'd have called him back to speak to him and explained that I was very tired which is why I wanted him to go to bed so that I could. I'd have said sorry but would have expected an apology from him for the tantrum.

At least that's what I would want to have done. Always a possibility that if I was really tired and he'd gone to bed and was quiet, then I'd probably have crawled into bed and done the apologies,etc in the morning.