Disciplining your toddler...

[louisse28]

I have a 21 month son who seems to have taken a liking to throwing just about everything he can at me when he is having a strop.
I try the 1-3 tactic, and the final outcome is sitting in his naughty inflatable chair, but sometimes he just laughs at me when I am telling him off. Little monster!!. Even bath times he has started throwing everything out forceably. I mean there is only so much you can take in 24 hours. He can be so loving, but this throwing malarcky is really pushing my patience to the limit.
Any suggestions ladies?

[Bubu]

No advice - sorry just wanted to say hang in there I'm sure it's probably just a phase!!! My son is only 17 months so not quite at this stage yet although he does like hitting me!!! Good luck!

[hatstand]

I think laughing at you is very common - and unbelievably frustrating and annoying, I know. If I'm in the right mood and have the emotional strength for it I have found that the naughty step/chair thing works better if you don't get cross - ie really don't. Really make it seem like you couldn't give a shit. Breezy voice "ok then, on the step, that's a bit of a shame, coz I was going to read you a story. never mind I'll make myself a cup of tea and you can get down in 5 minutes". It's very difficult but I do think it's true that they are experimenting with your reactions. And the boring reaction is probably therefore the best. In theory anyway...

[colditzmum]

my 21 mo son does this too. I just walk off after telling him how naughty it is to throw things at people

[louisse28]

I do tell him that it is unacceptable but he then resorts to hitting me on the leg or arm as well as screaming his head off. I don't know whether to tell him off further or just laugh as his face is so funny when he is mad...

[Branster]

or, just tell him, in a very serious manner, that throwing objects is unacceptable, you don't do it in your house and it's dangerous as it might hurt you and make you cry/sad and you don't want mummy to cry, do you. next time say you'll take all the objects/toys away and put them in the bin. thirs time just take the object away and put in the bin.
probably won't work but with dd i found that a stern approach gives quicker results.
wahtever you do, you must not come accross as angry or stressed, just in control.

[Branster]

in that case, withdraw all your attention from him, walk away or put him in a room for a minute. i dare say he'll scream even more but he should get the message quickly

[louisse28]

It's easy to say 'don't be stressed' but his behaviour is what is making me 'stressed'. I'd love to be a person who can just 'breathe in' and walk away, but that's just not me. I am quite a sensitive soul, and find his temper tantrums really challenging...

[Branster]

i understand completely louisse28, there are occasions (like in your case) with dd when what she does and the fact that i know she will be doing a particular naught thing stresses me out and i feel really hot all of the sudden with stress etc. that's why sometimes i choose to just walk away because i don't want to give dd the wrong look or say something hurtful or shout at her.
i reccomend you try bach's remedy and let me know if it works. i've started a thread on it last night under products and quite a few people say it makes you feel less stressed about situations. i am yet to try it so it would be interesting to se if it works for you!

[Branster]

oh, and i don't breath in and walk away, i hold my breath and walk away

[coppertop]

Ds2 throws anything he can get his hands on, especially when he's angry about something. The approach that's worked best for us is just to pick him up without saying a word and put him somewhere where there is nothing to throw. This is enough to stop ds2 but if necessary you can keep doing it until your ds gives up.

[mears]

I found this book good toddlertaming

When I read it I got an insight into my toddler's behaviour and was able to see it is a developmental stage. Gives you tips on how to handle them.

[mears]

toddlertaming

[mears]

Link won't work.

Go to www.amazon.co.uk?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 - click on books then type toddler taming into the search box.

[samwifewithkid]

My dd started pushing other kids around at the age of 2, so I used to pick her up calmly and say no, its not nice pushing. Stand her facing the naughty wall and leave her there for 2 mins. When she had thought about it I used to bring her back and explain it wasnt nice. After keep repeating this she soon got the message, but it did take a couple of months. You need to be firm, consistant and calm in whatever method you use. Try not to over react to their bad behaviour as they will only continue it. But really praise their good behaviour.

[aloha]

I personally don't believe in laughing at children when they are angry/upset - they may look funny but their emotions are real enough. That's not to have a go at you, I promise, just my view.
I think the best reaction is no reaction. Toddlers do experiment all the time - they have to to learn and they wouldn't be normal if they didn't. They are seeing what happens when you throw things, how mummy reacts when they do stuff and if she will react the same way every time. They are infant scientists! I know this is the counsel of perfection and I'm far from perfect myself, but because small children crave your reaction - any reaction - just saying 'we don't throw things' and walking away can be a very effective deterrent to undesirable behaviour - much more so than punishment IME.

[suzywong]

agree with the not laughing at children, it maddens me. I used to be so irritated by other adults who would gurn and laugh when ds1 was in the terrible twos and I was trying to sort out tantrums in the playground.

I certainly wasn't laughing about it and I think it is humiliating for kids to have adults laugh at them when they are learning about their own emotions.

One rememdy to the throwing things could be to calmly (easier said than done I know) gather the objects up, put them in an unreachable cupboard and keep a straight face

[jabberwocky]

Do you have my son? We have a strict rule now that only balls can be thrown. Anything else gets put in "time-out if it is thrown. It can be tiresome to see through, but I think it is helping. [hopeful icon].

[Stripymouse]

totally agree with aloha on this one. I reckon the best bet is to stay calm but let them know it is not on - putting toys out reach for a short time should get the message across in a simple way.
I know it is important not to go overboard on reaction as that is what they are usually after - reaction - and are likely to do it again if they get a big reaction, but they still need to know it is not on.
If you took them out to a toddler group or similar and he threw something at other children and hurt them, you wouldn?t laugh then or dab on the lavender oil, I imagine most mums would gently and calmly discipline them/deal with it there and then - could end up giving mixed messages if you just walk away and do little at home and yet react if it involves someone other than yourself.

[louisse28]

Thanks for suggestions. My friend suggested that I still give him 3 chances to stop throwing, but that if he does I should say that I am taking the toy away, and put it in a particular box. I am supposed to leave it there for a day. He is suppose to ( in time) realise that every time he throws the toy, mummy takes it away. I usually put the toy back in his box, and then a few hours later he is playing with it again, so the message hasn't really gone in...

[jabberwocky]

That's what we do. He does it once and I tell him no. Then if he does it again I tell him it goes in time out if it happens again. The 3rd time, off it goes...