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When to have next baby

(45 Posts)
janlostinbabyland Wed 26-Jan-05 09:33:32

My ds is only 10 months but I'm thinking of number 2. Can't decide whether it would be better to have another one now and get the sleepless nights over with or whether I should wait so that I can focus on ds1. Would love to know other opinions? Is it a nightmare of new baby waking toddler and vise versa? My Mum definately thinks we should wait until ds is at least 3yrs. My brother and I are 3 1/2 years apart but aren't really that close. Can't decide!!!

vict17 Wed 26-Jan-05 09:35:37

Hi, I'm the same, totally indecisive and ds is also 10 months. I asked this not so long ago here

nailpolish Wed 26-Jan-05 09:37:17

my dd2 (4 mths) was born 2 wks after dd1's 2nd birthday.

it is very hard, its not the nights cos dd1 sleeps through any nightime crying. its the trying to rock a baby to sleep, or feed a baby, with a toddler swinging off your leg screaming for you to play with her.

but i love it, love it, love it. would (quietly) recommend it. my brother and i are 2 yrs 2 wks apart and we have always been extrememly close.

best of luck whatever you decide!

just do it - and worry about the consequences later!

Twiglett Wed 26-Jan-05 09:37:41

I definitely think you should wait and have a 3 year gap

DS is 3 years 3 months older than DD (who is 8 months now) and it is SO much easier for me than for my friends who had theirs closer together

DS is toilet trained and helpful and adores his sister and entertains her whilst I can sit on the couch reading

DS brings me over wipes, gets me muslins from the kitchen, takes away dirty nappies and puts them in the bin

they have wonderful baths together

ahhhhhhhhhh .. 3 years for me anytime (its fabulous)

myermay Wed 26-Jan-05 09:38:21

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Twiglett Wed 26-Jan-05 09:39:08

Also DS will be in full time school this Septmber (currently does 2.5 hours a day) .. and I will be able to take DD (who will be 16 months) to tumble tots and playgroups and really pay her the same attention that DS got

(I am lucky enough to be a SAHM BTW)

Angeliz Wed 26-Jan-05 09:40:47

My dd is 4 in a few weeks and i'll be giving birth to number 2 around then too!!
It is quite a hard realisation for me at this moment in time that it''s not just gonna be me and dd anymore. She is looking forward to the new baby though and i think she is so ready to have a sibling and i've totally enjoyed every minute of just me and her.
My sister on the other hand got pregnant when her boy was only a few months old. She found it very very hard but now she has a 2 and 3 year old and they play great together.

Guess i'm just trying to say there's good and bad in both IMO and i'd just do what feels right for you+

Angeliz Wed 26-Jan-05 09:41:41

Twiglett, can you send your ds round to mine in a few weeks to train my dd for the baby's arrival??

Kelly1978 Wed 26-Jan-05 09:42:24

I guess it depends on you and your ds. My ds was born on dds 2nd birthday and that has been wonderful. She was really proud of her baby brother, showing him off to everyone, and they are very close.
I'm now pg again, and ds will be nearly 3 when the twins come. He is not keen at all, and I think it's goin be a lot harder this time. He is far more demanding and less independant that dd ever was, and isn't the sort of child who is going to want to share mummy!

expatinscotland Wed 26-Jan-05 09:45:31

My MIL had hers 16 months apart. My SIL had hers 14 months apart. Both said it was VERY hard on them. We have decided to wait till next month to start trying - as we would like our daughter to be at least 2.5 years old before we have another. But seeing as it took us 6 months to conceive her, she'll likely be 3 when the second is born.

I'm nearly 34 and my energy levels just couldnt cope w/having 2 under 2.

janlostinbabyland Wed 26-Jan-05 10:17:28

Thanks for replies - still can't decide though! I think my heart is saying now but my head is saying later

hippi Wed 26-Jan-05 10:52:47

My ds was born 4weeks before dd turns two, it's working ok, although not planned that way thought we'd wait for a 2.5 to 3 year age gap. Me and my brother are 3 years 3 months apart, and that worked kinda - worked when we were young, not when we hit secondary school and works again now. My aunt had 15 month gap, 15 month gap and four year gap. She thinks the 15 month gaps worked better. My nan swears on 2.5 year gap. I think it's up to the individual really. Ideally though i think (dd is at nursery) it's best to wait until first child is at nursey or playschool. Gives you time alone with no.2 and no.1 doesn't feel pushed out. Freind of mine had a 2.5 year gap, and no.1 is refusing to go to playschool because he's frightened he might miss out on something. Also her ds2 was born 2weeks before ds1 was to start playschool. Therefore ds1 feels that now ds2 is around he's suddenly packed of to this new place! Am I waffling ..........i'll stop.

PuffTheMagicDragon Wed 26-Jan-05 11:01:58

There's 24 months between my two. It was hard going when they were both in nappies, but now that ds1 is fully toilet trained its much better and they play together a lot. There are fights over toys but they enjoy each other's company most of the time. We planned a bigger gap, but now we've had them reasonably close together, I'm really glad we did.

Ds1 is at nursery 2.5 hours term time at the mo, then starts reception in September. Ds2 starts preschool playgroup when he's 2.5 in Jan 2006.

bundle Wed 26-Jan-05 11:04:48

I didn't want two in nappies, so dd1 was 2 yrs 10 months when dd2 was born. I also wanted dd1 to have a chance to be the baby for a bit, as i do think you expect more of them once another child comes along. it's incredibly hard work and I feel i made the right choice and was lucky to get pregnant again v quickly. 3 was a good age for us because i could talk to dd1 about the pg (had a section and couldn't pick her up for a while and she understood this)

monkeygirl Wed 26-Jan-05 11:43:21

I have 3 years one month between my two and was glad that I had my first potty-trained, sleeping through the night, in nursery and able to play (sometimes!) independently. DD1 adores her younger brother and is starting to play with him more and more (he's nearly 8 months).

I think siblings getting on is often about personality and not necessarily age, so I personally wouldn't necessarily let that be a major consideration.

samwifewithkid Sat 29-Jan-05 23:44:58

I am about to have dd2 (31 w pg) and dd1 will be 2 years 10 months. This is going to be great. I personally couldn't have had a closer gap, it would have done my head in. My dd loves babies, is just about old enough to explain the basics too, has had a good run of my attention, will be a great helper. She is just out of nappies and is comunicating really well.

Me and my sister had a 21 month gap, too close! We fought, never had anything in common and still don't get on that well these days. (probably down to clash of personalities) but I have planned my kids by star signs very sad I know. I am hoping they will be more compatible!

HunkerMunker Sat 29-Jan-05 23:50:49

DS is nine months (ten next week) and we're already 'seeing what happens' I have endometriosis and PCOS, so it's a bit of a different situation - if we leave it for three years I may not be able to conceive and then I'd be forever wondering what if we'd tried sooner.

I'm two-and-a-half years older than my brother and we get on really well (but fought madly when we were little and I really wasn't keen on him when he was born - but then I was totally disinterested in my sister when she was born and I was nearly seven then!). I like babies far more now than when I was a child!

pinkdiamond Sat 29-Jan-05 23:54:51

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HunkerMunker Sun 30-Jan-05 00:00:22

Fingers crossed PD - babydust hun

jenkel Sun 30-Jan-05 00:02:59

I have 18 months between my 2 dd,s. Initially it was hard work, at 18 months dd1 still needed a lot of my time and for the first 6 months I didnt know if I was coming or going. Thankfully both dd's have been really good at sleeping, DD1 was sleeping through and DD2 started sleeping through at 3 months. But now I love it, DD2 is now 10 months, they more or less play with the same toys and to hear them laugh together makes up for all the hard work. I am an only child, so have no experience of being close to siblings. I'm hoping that at 18 months dd1 was too young to remember what life was like before her little sister.

Also, I was snowed under with nappies etc and didnt really have a life of my own(how sad is that) so I didnt have independence again and had to give it up, its just more of the same.

I dont know if there is a good or bad time, but in my experience its not real hardship having them close together. I'm sure they are advantages/disadvantages to close in age or not.

pinkdiamond Sun 30-Jan-05 00:03:04

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suzywong Sun 30-Jan-05 00:10:31

2yrs 4 months
very very pleased with the way it's working out
When I was heavily pg ds1 was old enough not to have to be lugged about and when ds2 was born ds1 could amuse himself very well while I bf and took care of baby

Satine Sun 30-Jan-05 00:10:46

16 months between my two and I love the gap - they get on so well together, with no hint of jealousy (yet!), it wasn't a shock to go back to the chaos of a newborn, I don't expect my ds to help and I can sit and read to both of them and play with them as they are still interested in the same sort of things - although obviously dd loves the pictures rather than the stories! But every situation is so different. I just knew I'd find it hard to adjust to a tiny baby again if i waited until my life had returned to some kind of normality!!

HunkerMunker Sun 30-Jan-05 00:21:01

Am relieved to hear tales of close age gap siblings Was saying to DH earlier how it means they'll play with similar toys, DS won't remember time before younger sibling, etc.

Mind you, I have no idea if I can get pregnant again (and arsing about on MN all night is hardly a good way to conceive )!!

pinkdiamond Sun 30-Jan-05 00:34:51

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