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DS1 thinks I'm mean cos

(17 Posts)
Titania Sun 23-Jan-05 12:16:14

his mate just called round for him about half an hour ago and asked if they could play out together. I said that no cos he was going to have his dinner in a little while. I don't want ds1 going out without me as we live near the railway and near quite a busy road. I wondered how long it would be before I had to deal with this. The mate called again round 10 minutes later then asking if my ds1 could go to his house. I said that we were going out after dinner. DS1 now thinks I'm really mean cos I won't let him go and play in the street!! He is only 5 FFS!! Am I wrong? What age did you let yours out to play on their own?

jampots Sun 23-Jan-05 12:22:27

i dont let mine out to play on the street Titania and they are 8 and nearly 12. Obviously dd (nearly 12) goes shopping etc with friends etc. We have a reasonably longish garden (certainly no postage stamp) and I allow them to have friends round when they want to. Luckily for me they have never requested to go out to play. Many children locally go out to hang around on the street from about 6-7 although I have seen as young as about 4 . Its up to you though to do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Titania Sun 23-Jan-05 12:23:52

Im not comfortable with him going out at all. I don't know when I would be either. I don't want to put his mates off him though cos they all think I'm a mean ogre.

Twiglett Sun 23-Jan-05 12:26:03

I will never let my kids play out in the streets ... eldest is coming up to 4 .. there is a group of children who play on the road at the side of our house (its not a busy road) .. the youngest seems to be about 3

I wasn't brought up like that so have no intention of letting DS (or DD in her time) do it .. they can play in our gardens / parks / houses but not on the road

pinkdiamond Sun 23-Jan-05 12:31:33

Message withdrawn

tigermoth Sun 23-Jan-05 13:38:11

both my boys were playing out by the time they were 5 years old, which I know is on the young side. Titania, I think you are perfectly within your rights to say to a 5 year old, 'no playing out'. You can invite friends to your house, instead.

Allowing your children to play out is a very, very personal decision - you look at your street, look at the children who play out (do they fight, do they play dangerously etc) and go from there. I know it's quite possible my boys would not play out if we lived elsewhere.

But if you feel your area is safe, the children who play out are well behaved, nice kids on the whole, and your child sensible and well within the age group of the playing out children, I think your child would be justified in feeling you were a bit mean if you did not ever let them out of the front door alone.

IMO if your child will be travelling alone to and from secondary school, it's a good idea that they have some playing out experience before they move up, just so that they are used to being alone in the local area. My 10 year old will be catching buses by himself in 9 months time and walking all over the place as our schools are quite far away. I feel safer knowing he has played out and has some street sense.

Titania Sun 23-Jan-05 13:56:23

see this is the trouble. A lot of the children (including the one who called round) are rough and bullies. The mother of the boy has actually been nasty to me in the past for no reason, other than she thinks she is better than everyone else.

Gobbledigook Sun 23-Jan-05 13:59:05

Not read other messages Titania but over my dead body would my 5 yr old be going out to play in the street. I'd have a friend over to play or I'd let a 5 yr old go to a friends house to play but only if I knew the parents extremely well and trusted them to ensure they were safe and in the house/garden at all times.

Maybe I'm neurotic but to my mind 5 is still very, very young.

Gobbledigook Sun 23-Jan-05 14:02:01

To me, it's a fantastic advantage of living on a 'main'-ish road - it's just not the sort of road kids would ever play out on and because the houses are big and spaced apart it's not that kind of place where kids come round knocking for you (like where I lived when I was little!!)). I'm hoping this means I'm not going to face this problem and that it's much more likely we'd have people over here to play and I don't mind that at all.

tigermoth Sun 23-Jan-05 15:37:03

I think it's nice that children knock on our door, mind you it wouldn't be nice if they were persistant.

When we moved house 5 years ago we deliberately chose a house on a quiet-ish road, so that playing out was a possiblity.

pickledonion Sun 23-Jan-05 15:39:33

I never played in the streets when younger and won't let dd either when she's older

berolina Sun 23-Jan-05 17:22:08

Titania, I wouldn't let a 5yo 'out' to play in the streets either. When I was little we lived in a very quiet area and there was a tiny cul-de-sac just opposite our house, and I can remember some children (but not below school age, I think) playing there, but not whether I was allowed. And it really was extremely quiet and safe.

Had to though as your q started off a train of thought and I remembered the extremes to which my parents took the whole going-out issue... I wasn't allowed to wait on my own in our village, during the day, for the bus to town (going with friends coming from other villages) at 14!!!!! Wasn't allowed to go jogging round the village (again, in the daytime) at 15/16!!!!! (I was allowed to WALK, if I was going somewhere definite and came straight back, but joggers are soooo much more vulnerable than walkers...). Not suggesting at all you are over-protective - in fact, as I said, I agree with your decision - but it just made me think of it and I thought I'd give you all a smile.

nutcracker Sun 23-Jan-05 17:57:41

Mine aren"t allowed out the front on their own either Titania and won't be. They have a back garden now so they can use that.

My neighbours kids (aged 4 and 2) are regularly out in the street and just wander round in the road

bubble99 Sun 23-Jan-05 18:23:28

Titania, If the children in question - including the one who called round, are rough and bullies. Do you really want your DS to play with them anyway? Does your DS have any school mates who you feel happy for him to play with? It may require more organising - but I would be inclined to encourage 'play dates' with children both he and you like and steer clear of the others. And no, I wouldn't let my five year old out to play in the street. Much too young IMO.

Posey Sun 23-Jan-05 19:38:31

No way would I allow that.
We, I think, have a very fortunate set-up. We live in a small block of flat with a large communal garden which is gated. In the summer I let dd go down in the garden with the other kids in the block. As we all overlook the garden we can easily see them from upstairs, usually at least one of the parents is out there and no-one ever stays down if everyone else has gone in. Also they all know practically all the residents so could run to anyone for help, could shout and all the block would come running. Also because the garden is round the back, very few non-residents actually realise its there. Its a very safe way of letting the children have a little bit of independence and learning certain skills needed in life.
My dd is older though, she's 7.5

jac34 Sun 23-Jan-05 20:20:24

My boys are 6 and have never been allowed out to play yet.
Some of the children in our street, ride their bikes in the back lane in the summer.So far I've allowed the boys out, but I sit by our gate in a deckchair and read a book.I think I might allow them out there on their own this summer though, as it is very quiet and they know the boundries.
Why not have his mate in to play ???
The boys love having a mate round after school, that way you can keep an eye on them. They now go round their houses quite alot as well, as we have go to know the parents, through dropping off and from parties etc.

Mimsie Mon 24-Jan-05 20:20:22

I've had that problem all last year, kids come knocking on my door 3-4 times a day (sometimes over 10 times!! it was ridiculous) in the summer, and I kept on saying no, or going out with them while they played, or more often than not letting them all in my house!! My DS is the youngest in the street (just about to turn 5) and there is no way I could just let him play outside. I just couldnt bear it... I'd have to watch lol. I'd be far too scared, he's my first and only maybe I am too protective I dont know, but I am dreading next summer!!

I got extremely sick of it all, because I just keep on having to say NO! or I ended up having 4-5 kids in my house, playing on the Xbox or other and not even playing with my son lol!!! The parents didnt even know 1/2 the time I am sure, I kept on asking the kids to tell their parents and they all said they knew. The favour was never returned as the parents are just happy to have their kids outside...

Another reason why I am not keen on letting my son join them no matter how old he is... I dont even really know the parents, I could be a child molester for all they knew!!

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