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why do some people still feel children should be seen and not heard?

(22 Posts)
misdee Sat 22-Jan-05 14:03:50

was at the post office yesterday with dd2. the queue was massive and she had been fairly quiet. then she spotted some barbies with masks over their eyes and started saying 'eye eye eye' and pointing to each doll in turn. she did get quite loud at one point and itold her to settle down. An old lady at the counter (iwas still queuing) said to the post office cashier person 'how do you cope with all day' very loudly and obviously directed at dd2 for being loud. i rolled my eyes in her direction (she had her back to me) and the cashier was trying to be polite to the lady and also trying not to laugh at the faces i was pulling. i did end up muttering 'oh f off' beneath my breath when the old lady left.

i would understand it more of dd2 was having a huger tantrum on the floor, kicking and screaming etc, but all she was doing was yelling 'eye!!'

Lonelymum Sat 22-Jan-05 14:07:07

She is from an older generation. We have loads of people like that near us as we live in a village with a high proportion of elderly people. I would have been more upset for you if you had said she was a young woman.

misdee Sat 22-Jan-05 14:07:59

i would only say she was 60's, not overly old in my eyes. my dad is 63.

misdee Sat 22-Jan-05 14:09:49

i wasnt upset, just annoyed really.

i remember woirking on the checkouts at safeway and a lady (40's at a guess) told some kids in a trolly to be quiet. their mum went mental at her, and tbh i dont blame her. the kids were only 2 and 4. again they werent havent tantrums just being kids and loud.

Frizbe Sat 22-Jan-05 14:11:07

I haven't got a clue, but I do think its selective memory with most of them! quite how they used to cope with x amount of kids and having to do all the washing etc that we still have to do, but without the gadgets is beyond me, I can only assume that is why they had loads of kids, to look after the other ones (and I'm sure they weren't quiet!)

Lonelymum Sat 22-Jan-05 14:11:36

Yes but still born in the 40's which was till the time when people thought children should be seen and not heard. I know how you feel. In our village, old people stand on the pavement, blocking access, and expect mums with buggies to step out into the busy road to go past. It astounded me when we first moved here because I thought they were from a generation who had been brought up to show respect and consideration towards others.

Frizbe Sat 22-Jan-05 14:34:57

lonleymum you've just reminded me of the two old bats who were blocking the aisle in co-op earlier, 'EXCUSE ME!, no really EXCUSE ME' etc until I had to tap one of them whilst gesturing and shouting to get the rest of the shop thru

mummytojames Sat 22-Jan-05 14:42:28

i wouldnt have worried about it she was just being stupid realy
i have the oppisit (sp?) problem ive had people old and young saying to me is you baby alright he very quiet uh?
and people on the pavement in my way get the reply coming through learner driver with a buggy a couple of times they have just stared at me to which they got the not so polite shift

bubble99 Sat 22-Jan-05 19:51:55

misdee, this has happened to me a couple of times. I usually say "I'm sure the nanny/ boarding school did a really good job bringing yours up" - usually does the trick around here

Amanda3266 Sat 22-Jan-05 20:04:39



Must remember that one

lunavix Sat 22-Jan-05 20:20:38

mtj - I have a big three wheeler and I just plow through them I've squashed many toes but after three polite excuse me's patience goes out the window...

HunkerMunker Sat 22-Jan-05 20:24:50

This reminds me of when I was having lunch in Debenhams cafe (which is advertised all over the place as being friendly for babies and children). It was midweek and there were lots of babies and children in there - an older lady was walking to her table and she said (in an extremely snotty, looking-down-her-nose at these evil creatures kind of way) to a member of staff 'What is this, toddler day?' So I said (fairly quietly, but quite near her), 'No, it's annoy old lady day!'

This is the same lunchtime that I got my first 'look' for breastfeeding DS. Debenhams might be child-friendly, but their customers aren't always!

tallulah Sun 23-Jan-05 11:35:53

To be fair, I was born in 1963 and we were brought up to be quiet. I was not allowed to make a noise, especially in public (my father was very fierce- all the neighbourhood kids were scared of him!). From what I can gather, my parents tried to bring me up the way they were brought up (in the 30s & 40s). Probably a lot of old people genuinely didn't let their children cause a disturbance in public, and can't see why today's children are different.

I was strict with my children, (although I never did develop my father's skill of stopping them from shouting at 6am ) and was always on edge to stop them upsetting other people. With hindsight, my life would have been so much calmer had I just let them do what they liked & sod everyone else. Sadly being always conscious of other people does make you notice them more. So yes, I am quite intolerant of screaming brats in shops (obv not normal talking, misdee), & children running around in restaurants (for example).

I do think it is a generational thing.

bubble99 Sun 23-Jan-05 16:22:02

Know where you're coming from tallulah, but some of the older generation seem to have such unrealistic expectations of children's behaviour - that I wonder if they actually spent any time with their own children. Hence my comment about the nanny/boarding school doing a good job bringing them up.
On the other hand I can think of two children who I would class as brats, who are, IMO, allowed to run riot. The parents of these children are of the attitude that " *** 's a free spirit" - well, sorry, no, IMO *** is a pain in the arse!
The difference between the "free spirit" parents and misdee is that the latter acknowledged that her DD was getting loud and asked her to settle down - whereas the former see nothing wrong with their children's behaviour.

mamadadawahwah Wed 26-Jan-05 21:04:58

Was shopping last weekend when a child was about to go the wrong way up on the escalator. Mother resounded to child "I will scratch your eyes out when we get home now stop it. Later heard her say in the underwear section, i'll break your legs if you dont stop". Kid was oblivious to this and obviously veiled threats ( i hope) but little did she know how soul destroying it is for a child to hear that kind of anger.

mamadadawahwah Wed 26-Jan-05 21:05:55

I wanted to say something to her but she was only young and looked ragged with it all. Anyway, she probably would have belted me and I wouldnt have helped the situation so wisely kept quiet.

handlemecarefully Wed 26-Jan-05 21:58:42

She is soooo not worth it...(the old lady that is).

I've had "Is this a blooming menagarie" from an old fella when my daughter was crying (she was tired and overdue her nap at the time)

and recently from two po faced middle aged people much muttering about the mess my baby son had made on the floor in a cafe when eating a biscuit (despite the fact that my dh was obviously trying to clear up aforementioned mess)

handlemecarefully Wed 26-Jan-05 22:01:26

Must say the vast majority of people I come across both young and old do seem quite child tolerant. You just remember the miserable sods don't you...

mamadadawahwah Wed 26-Jan-05 22:06:32

Have to say, before I had kids, i was a miserable "sod". No i wouldnt make comments in public, but would secretly wish a child to shut up from screaming in restaurants, etc. Then magically when i had my kids, i can tolerate them all. Must be genetically programmed to be that way.

Twiglett Wed 26-Jan-05 22:29:05

if you cover your ears and scream LALALALALALA really loudly it is just possible for small children to be seen and not heard

Satine Wed 26-Jan-05 22:31:57

LOL twiglett!

bubble99 Wed 26-Jan-05 23:03:48

Sometimes, when I'm out and about and the boys are playing up, usually when they get bored, shopping etc. and I get looks/comments from people, I feel like saying - "You think I'm enjoying this?

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