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Ds is a is so quiet and a real worrier. How can I help him???

(10 Posts)
Blossomhill Mon 10-Jan-05 12:39:20

Really worried about ds who is 7 on Saturday. He was always a real live wire as a toddler and could be boisterous, although was never spiteful or aggresive just liked running around. Was also quite forward in that he would just go up and chat to other children in the park etc
Over the past year he has changed a lot I would say. He is very quiet and quite shy. He is however very popular and does have lots of friends and seems fine when he is with friends that he knows and is comfortable with.
He is also very bright for his age and it really upset me when his last school report (which was very good) did say that although ds was more than capable of doing the work he often worried about his own capability of doing it. That really upset me.
Anyway he is having a party and he has got himself into such a state over who to invite. Eventually he started crying saying he didn't want to leave anyone out as it would hurt there feelings I felt upset myslef but explained that unfortunately you can't have everyone at your party as you can only have 20. Last year the teacher had handed them out infront of everyone and one little girl came and asked where hers was and ds hadn't invited her and he felt really bad.
Anyway had a quick chat with the teacher and explained that he didn't want to hand them out as last year it had upset him. When ds went in the teacher said that he was sensitive and often bottled things up. She said he was quiet and she was trying to encourage him that it was okay to tell her things if he needed to.
I just feel so bad that it's fault as I am a real worrier myself and I will do everything I can to make sure he isn't!
What can I do to help my ds as I feel really sad today? Feel as though it's something I've done but can't think what

zubb Mon 10-Jan-05 13:06:50

sorry you feel bad about this BH, don't know what to suggest so just bumping it for you.

jangly Mon 10-Jan-05 13:14:45

You can't blame yourself BH. We all pass on our genes to our children, nothing you can do about that! It sounds as though he is going to turn out to be a kind, caring person. Its not going to be easy for him, though, especially while he's so little. I suppose you need to put into seven-year-old-speak the fact that you can't plese all of the people all of the time! Hope he's ok. He sounds lovely!

juniperdewdrop Mon 10-Jan-05 13:16:20

Yor son sounds like an absolute darling IMO, he'd get on great with my DS1, also 7. DS1 is very bright and also sensitive. An example is when he was little I bought him a really nice wooden dolls house , complete with wooden furniture, dolls etc.. much to the disamy of others but they can go to ..... anyway, I've been trying to give it away now as DS2 isn't into it and DS1 into dragons and dinosaurs etc. but DS1 couldn't quite part with it.
My mates and I are having a jumble/bring and buy and I asked him if I could sell it for the Tsunami children and straight away he said 'if it's for them mam then of course you can'. It's been snapped up by a mate already so I don't even have to cart it to the hall

Oh btw, DS1 is also a perfectionist so it could be a personality thing?

Kittypickle Mon 10-Jan-05 13:22:40

Have a look at the website of a book called The Higly Sensitive Child There's a link to a few questions on it. When we filled them out the majority applied to DD so we decided to buy it. Both DH and I found it really helpful.

juniperdewdrop Mon 10-Jan-05 13:25:15

DS1 scored 9, what about your dd? thanks for that btw even though it was for BH

SeaShells Mon 10-Jan-05 13:33:00

Sounds very much like my DS, who is extremely sensitive, quiet, independent and an absolute perfectionist! I used to get a little upset about it until I thought well hey, rather have a child who is kind, generous, caring, sensitive, quiet than one who is the opposite Give your DS a big hug and just imagine what a great guy he is going to be when he grows up! (oh and mine scored 18 on that test!!!)

Kittypickle Mon 10-Jan-05 13:33:47

My DD scored 20 on the test

Yurtgirl Mon 10-Jan-05 13:44:58

Message withdrawn

Blossomhill Mon 10-Jan-05 19:45:14

Maybe we should all meet up and let them play together
Thanks for all of your replies, I am hoping it's an age thing! Another example was tonight at dinner. I looked at ds and his eyes were all welled up and his bottom lip had dropped. Dh said ** what's the matter and he said he was sad that he wasn't going to be 6 anymore (he's 7 on Saturday). I think that he is so sensitive and I just don't know what to do or how to react to situations like that. Do I ignore it or fuss over him? Or am I making things worse?
He also lets people hurt him and say nasty thing and doesn't retaliate. Quite often I will see other children pulling and pushing him around and he does nothing to stop them! I just don't want him to be an easy target as once he's in the juniors I am sure things get worse

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