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Why do I want another baby??

(17 Posts)
SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 16:51:43

We have two beautiful dds 5 1/2 and 3. They are good kids but can (like most kids I am sure) drive me up the wall. They squabble non-stop but stick together whenever I tell one of them off for something. They have never been fantastic sleepers and we are quite often up in the night with at least one them every night.

At the birth of DD1 she had the cord around her neck but a bit of oyxgen was given and she was fine. DD2 was also born with the cord around her neck but it took a bit longer to get her out. When she was born she wasn't breathing and she had to be rushed out of the room and resusitated with chest compressions and oxygen. (This scared dh to bits whilst I was oblivious to it all and high as a kite on gas and air!!) I often wonder if it we would be so lucky to have them recover if we took the chance again.

Dh and I have had hardly any time to ourselves (as do most parents I'm sure) and are both feeling exhausted with parenting and dealing with every day things. I have suffered with PND since dd2 was born and didn't admit to this until she was 1 year old. I went onto ADs for a few months but didn't find they helped me a great deal so came off. I have struggled along without any medication but know that I am still not feeling right and dh is feeling it too .

Amongst all this I can't believe that I still have feelings that I would like to have another baby. Dh does not feel the same. Am I mad??

Frizbe Sun 09-Jan-05 16:55:23

No your not mad, just a mum apparently one more won't make much difference anyway, so go for it! The older two will love to help out, it might even focus their squabbling, (or maybe I'm in lala land too!

Yorkiegirl Sun 09-Jan-05 16:56:37

Message withdrawn

SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 16:57:55

I do worry about my PND though. Should I recover first - will I ever?? Would another one make me worse? Poor dh has to put up with so much crap with my moods

SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 17:09:26

I would so love to hear some advice from some other mums and anyone with similar feelings.

Merlin Sun 09-Jan-05 17:18:43

Hi Sparkler

I suffered with PND after ds was born (now 4) initially when he was about 6 months old. Went on AD's, started to feel better and just stopped taking them. BIG MISTAKE!! another 6 months down the line and I knew I was on the slippery slope again, so back to doctor, got a telling off for just stopping the ADs and went back on them for about a year. They do take time to work. I'm expecting no2 early April and am quite worried that I will get PND again, but at least I know what my symptoms are and I will be off to the Docs like a shot. I was very lucky with an extremely supportive DH, but,as you said yourself, he had to put up with a lot - I'm bad enough when I'm 'normal'!! Is your Dh more concerned about the possible PND with another baby or just the fact of coping with another one? Have you thought about going back to your doctor to discuss the PND further, maybe he can prescribe a different AD which would suit you better? But as I said, in my experience they took about 6 weeks to really start to make a difference. Sorry for rambling on ... take care.

SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 17:29:34

You are not rambing on at all - I'm really interested. Thankyou. I really feel for dh. He is fninding it hard enough to cope with two dds and my moods now. Anymore kids would just make things worse in his eyes. Things just don't feel complete to me at the moment. Maybe now dd2 is at pre-school two and a half days a week I am feeling like I have a bit of time again. Perhaps I should make the most of it and have some "me time.

Merlin Sun 09-Jan-05 17:38:58

I know that after this baby arrives, we wont be having anymore - 2 is just fine for me! But obviously you feel another one is what you want - but under the circumstances I think you should sort out the PND first, so hopefully you and DH can get back to a nicer relationship which should make him happier and possibly in time more open to another child! As for me-time - I'm a HUGE fan of that ..... have you got grandparents, family, friends nearby who are happy to look after the little ones sometimes? Just so you and Dh get a break - even if it's just to plonk yourselves in front of the telly with a takeaway. Finding time for yourself and partner is the one thing I have found very hard - I am lucky in that my parents live very close and love looking after DS (and he loves spending time with them), so we do get the ocasional night to ourselves and sometimes a bit longer! I think what I am trying to say is give yourselves break and get things on an even keel there, before you think about possibly another child, because I'm sure you'd end up even more exhausted which is no good for any of you, least of all the children.

SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 17:55:58

It's funny as I always said that I would have two children. Didn't want an only child and if I had three I would want to have a fourth but thought that would be too many!!! Sigh!! I don't know if I'm feeling this way as dd2 is now 3 and it all feels so final. I'm only 33 and feel too young to stop having children but at the same time maybe dh and I could do with some time for our relationship again. Decisions, decisions. Think it's gonna take some work to convince dh to have anymore anyway!

Merlin Sun 09-Jan-05 18:01:51

You have 2 lovely children, a caring husband, enjoy that for a while before another child ...... you never know you may be as old as me by the time you have another - I'm 42 so do feel 2 is enough for us!

louisse28 Sun 09-Jan-05 19:17:38

I would recommend some counselling before you try for anymore children. I had counselling after I suffered PND when I had my son. It was really good as the main reason for having the counselling was not just anxiety over my son's crying but feeling that I didn't love my husband anymore. I was terrified to loose my husband, but I didn't 'see the light' until about the 8th session. My counsellor was amazing and really belived in me, and my feeling's for my husband. I didn't go to relate, just a counsellor through the health visitor.
I am NOT saying that you and your husband are having problems, that was just my situation. I just believe in talking out thing's to an impartial person. I suffered a miscarriage over christmas and I will wait until I know that I am ready for a baby, and more importantly that the people I love around me are ready for a babay too.
This might have seemed like rambling, but sincere concern was there, and I hope it helped....

Yurtgirl Sun 09-Jan-05 20:02:17

Message withdrawn

SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 20:54:17

Have just got kids to bed and had a lovely, long, peaceful shower. Feeling better for that and while I had time to think have decided to take Merlin's advice. Am going to phone doctors surgery first thing tomorrow morning for an appointment. Need to sort myself out first before I decide on anything else. If I'm not happy then dh won't be happy. There's no way I should have anymore children until I am happy with myself, even though I don't see dh changing his mind .

SPARKLER1 Sun 09-Jan-05 20:55:26

Please everyone don't feel like you are rambling. I really value your advice and it's good to have someone to listen.

SPARKLER1 Mon 10-Jan-05 11:06:50

Tried to phone the doctors this morning no appointments until Thursday unless I phone after lunch and see if there is a cancellation.

SPARKLER1 Mon 10-Jan-05 11:35:40

SPARKLER1 Mon 10-Jan-05 11:50:23

Am sitting here this morning with time to myself - dds are at school - and thinking I have time for another baby now - why aren't I pampering myself????

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