Screaming!

[sarahu]

My DD (19 months) is driving me and DH crazy at the moment. If she can't have what she wants she just screams. Today she had her first full-on tantrum - we went out for a walk with the dog. At first she wanted to walk holding the dog's lead but when the dog started to pull too hard I took the lead off her. SHe screamed and then refused to walk any further. We walked off anticipating that she would follow us but she didn't, so I had to give in and go back to get her.

THen when I put her down again she screamed cos she wanted to hold the dog again - so DH walked off and she sat down and screamed again. I walked off too and this time she followed, screaming blue murder. To cut a long story short this went on repeatedly for nearly 45 mins - and towards the end she actually lay down and banged her fists and feet on the ground. I know that there was nothing wrong with her because the one occasion when I did pick her up she stopped crying immediately.

We are trying to be really strict in that we don't give in to her just because she is screaming....mostly we ignore her or turn our backs on her. WHen she is with her nanny when we are at work she doesn't scream at all!

Any advice? I can't stand it any more. Please can someone tell me that it doesn't last forever! I don't want her to learn that she can always have what she wants when she screams.

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[Bunni]

Well our dd2 does a lot of screaming too, but when she was a bit younger she did all the head butting things and stuff and screamed I just left her too it. Now she has stopped the head butting things but still screams and moans, I do pick her up sometimes and don't speak to her, she normally carries on so you have to try and distract her by talking about something else. got to say she is hard work sometimes.

[aloha]

Did you try distracting her? I think that tends to work quite well though not for all kids in all situations of course. ie start a race to the next lamp-post, or 'ooh! look! A plane!' or stuff like that? Just trying to take their mind off their obsession of the moment.

[Emelia]

Like the last post said i found disraction worked wonders with my ds though he was a bit older before this worked with great success. I now have a dd of 17 months & MY GOD can she scream! She has been having tantrums since she turned a year & that includes laying starfish on the floor head banging & biting in frustration. It's been a bitter pill to swallow as i thought i had all the answers as she is my 2nd! How wrong can you be! All my friends say it's a girl thing! Like you i don't know what to do with her , i feel i hear her shrieks ringing through my ears! Sorry this sounds negative , but i thought i'd let you know you are not alone & i can truly sympathise.

[starlover]

Also, remember that in situations like the one you describe she doesn't know WHY you have stopped her from holding onto the dog...
to her you have just taken it away for no reason!
Kids at that age use temper tantrums and screaming to vent their frustration because (obviously) they are not yet capable to discuss it...
I know it's hard to make a 19 month old understand why you are doing things, and I do agree with ignoring screaming and letting her get on with it... but do try and think about how she is going to react to your behaviour as well to avoid them in the first place.
For example.. could you have just held the lead with her rather than taking it away altogether?

[Lua]

My DD (26 months) do exactly the same routine every time we go out with the dog. I think you are doing the right thing, and the last thing you want to do in let her think that her screams gets her anything... but I agree with starlover, it might be possible to avoid it sometimes. It might be mean in my part but when we are in a safe place I do let her hold it and after she falls in the floor when the dog pulls SHE ASks me to take the lead....