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Disappointed by inlaws' crappy reactions to 2nd pg

(21 Posts)
rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:01:17

Announced it nearly a week ago and MIL still hasnt asked when it's due. Granted she already has zillions of grandchildren but she could at least pretend to be interested. Tonight DH asked her if she was pleased - she said 'What a funny thing to ask ... I was shocked!' (there will be only a 19-month age gap, shock horror) - then she changed the subject. None of DH's siblings have been in touch to congratulate us.

The only friends we've told so far (2 child-free couples) have been similarly uninterested.

My family are, thank god, over the moon - even my brother and SIL who've been trying for ages for a baby and had a miscarriage not long ago. They've been lovely. I know that what matters is that we are delighted and just as excited as we were with my first pg, and I guess we'll have to get used to the lack of interest from others.

Still:

ChicPea Sat 01-Jan-05 02:07:45

First of all, congratulations! Are they worried they will be asked to babysit? How weird their reaction it. But don't let it bother you.
Have you noticed the time? Why are we up so late?!

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:07:59

Mind you, thinking about it, when I was pg with DD, we went over to DH's sister's house for the first time since announcing my pregnancy and she, MIL and the rest of the family managed to go the whole day without even mentioning I was pg, never mind congratulating us. This from mums of 7 and 6 kids respectively! What's that about??

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:09:36

Thanks Chicpea! Well they're quite willing babysitters actually, so I don't get it.

DH is currently ferrying MIL home after an evening of babysitting in fact, hence my mumsnetting ... But DD will be up and full of beans in 5 hours, so I'd better sleep!

Night night!

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:11:16

Oh - and 2 of DH's brothers rang MIL on our phone while we were out this evening to wish her a happy new year, and yet neither of them can dial our number to say congratulations. Humph!

ChicPea Sat 01-Jan-05 02:15:19

Are they envious of you? Is DH the fave/youngest son?

jasper Sat 01-Jan-05 02:23:23

Congratulations! IMO each subsequent baby is even more exciting then the last.
BUT not neccessarily to other people. Please don't feel aggreived.

just because they are not acting whoop de-doo about it does not mean thay are not happy (thus your MILs remark - what a strange question-of course they are happy).

My Mum and Dad explained to me that each pregnancy of their children made tham feel increasingly worried! And so they found it hard to feel /show excitement.

Enjoy your happiness.
I am sure they will enjoy he new babe.

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:26:22

He is the youngest, yes. I did wonder about envy with at least 2 of his SILs - they already have 5 and 7 kids themselves but I know they would have more if they could (believe it or not). But how does that apply to MIL?

His siblings have an average of 5 kids each - 2 of his brothers have 7 each. You'd think if you love and value children enough to have that many, then each new life would be considered as special as the first.

jasper Sat 01-Jan-05 02:26:46

Also in a general sense there is no way anyone else could/should feel the way you do about it. I really don't mean to be harsh but why should they?

Just wait till the new baby is born.
They will be falling over themselves to cuddle it!!(and will have to join the queue}

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:27:57

That's nice jasper, thanks. I just wish they'd say something - but I'm not planning to lose sleep over it, just needed to rant a bit

jasper Sat 01-Jan-05 02:30:19

Rant away here , that's what we are here for!

just remaeber we are on your side!
two questions.
When are you due?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP SO LATE? !!!

big hugs and a happy new year to you and your family xxxxx

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:30:53

Of course I dont expect them to feel as I do. But some expression of happiness for us would be nice - if my TTC brother & SIL with the recent miscarriage can manage it (and I know that deep down they will have at least some mixed feelings), then surely they can? I just wonder if they'll show much interest in this one. 2 of DD's cousins on DH's side haven't even bothered to meet her yet - one lives in the same city and she'll be 1 this month! Hey ho.

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 02:33:04

Right, I really am going to bed now. I'm due Aug/Sept - not sure exactly because I never got my periods back between finishing b/f and getting pg! No doubt my scans will give me a better idea.

Anyway thanks for being there and happy new year!

jasper Sat 01-Jan-05 02:40:22

It is a serious point about grandparents being more worried by each subsequent pregnancy in the family.

I am one of four.

My Dad explained to me it never even crossed his mind any of his kids would not reach full term/ be imperfect.

as each of his kids went on to have families it began todawn on him (and my mum) that there was a possibility of birth defects/ miscarriage etc.

My last baby was their tenth grandchild.
They had started to think
" we have four perfect kids and nine perfect grandkids. It must be our turn to have something go wrong"

My parents are wonderful parents and fab grandparents but when I was pg with #2 and especially#3 thay were VERY cool!!! My mum actually made some ridiculous comment about "was it an accident?"!

I now know they were worried sick!

Vent away!
Is your pregnancy going ok so far?

jasper Sat 01-Jan-05 02:43:28

Hope you read this in the morning.
Again, huge congratulations!
I think you really need to be of childbearing age to fully appreciate the enormity of a pregnancy. It is so BLOODY WONDERFUL!"!!

But in the older generation, the "don't count your chickens " mentality is very strong.

God Bless xx

Mirage Sat 01-Jan-05 10:57:41

You have my sympathy!

When we announced that we were expecting dd,after years of infertility & losing a baby,we got no real comments at all.MIL never wanted to see scan photos ect.On one vist,I was 6 months pg,pretty huge & she still managed to avoid mentioning it at all.She kept going on about her health problems & cut me off if I so much as tried to talk about the baby.Eventually FIL asked how I was as he seemed a bit bewildered by her attitude,but before I could answer,she started on about her sciatica.

I went home in tears.

The strange thing is,despite having 11 grandkids & 4 great grandkids,she worships dd now she is here.She is always rining up to see how she is & on our last visit,turned down the offer of a posh lunch out,because she wanted to play with dd.Very odd.Now we have told her that no2 is on the way (20 month age gap here ),she has at least asked about it.

I thinmk Jasper may be right,MIL & FIL had 6 perfect children,no miscarriages ect.In turn their kids have produced 11 perfect grand children & 4 great grandchildren,so perhaps they worry about things going wrong.Especially since SIL & I have both lost babies-it could have just occured to them that they have been very lucky so far.

Anyway,I am sure that as soon as baby appears,they'll be falling over themselves to cuddle him/her.

Good luck-I'm glad there is someone else out there with a small gap between babies

lulupop Sat 01-Jan-05 11:32:06

don't worry, I think this is fairly common.

when we told my MIL about my 2nd PG, she just went "Oh", and carried on talking about my SIL.

I also know someone who, when she told her inlaws about her 2nd PG, got the response "Are you going to find out the sex again this time? If it's another girl, don't bother telling us"

Lovely!

lockets Sat 01-Jan-05 11:35:33

Message withdrawn

rouge Sat 01-Jan-05 19:22:05

Thanks so much for all your experience and sympathy! Not sure if I'm glad I'm not alone or not - it's all a bit sad! But I can see the point about their worries. jasper: PG going fine so far but it's very early days of course!

shrub Sat 01-Jan-05 19:43:00

dear rouge - a big congratulations! i posted with the very same thing about 4 months ago, i am expecting my third and both my parents and the inlaws had muted responses - nervous laughter, was it planned? how are you going to afford it?so you are trying for a girl? etc. infact when i was expecting my second ds my mum said what do you want another child for? (i am an only child) as if i was being greedy! my very close friends congratulated me and in the next breath talked about her husbands vasectomy and how it had enhanced their lives?!!? other friends went wow, oh god or your brave. i had very few congratulations which left me and dh feeling very deflated from other peoples reactions. looking back it really it is none of their beeswax and since then parents and friends have been more interested and have been asking about pregnancy but i will never let other people let me feel like that again. don't let them have that power over you. it is usually based on jealousy or fear - this is such a precious time, hold on to your elation and enjoy the miracle that is having a baby

rouge Tue 04-Jan-05 20:16:00

Thank you shrub - I like that phrase, hold on to your elation. I will

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