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Parenting

Toddler Laws !!!

59 replies

fernyburn · 21/12/2004 19:46

I though this would bring a smile to those stressed mums out there !!!

Toddler Property Laws

  1. If I like it, it's mine.
  2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

  3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

  4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

  5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

  6. If I'm doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.

  7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.

  8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.




    TODDLER RULES

    If it is on, I must turn it off.

    If it is off, I must turn it on.

    If it is folded, I must unfold it.

    If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

    If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

    If it is high, it must be reached.

    If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

    If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

    If it has leaves, they must be picked.

    If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

    If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.

    If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

    If it is closed, it must be opened.

    If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

    If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

    If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.

    If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

    If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

    If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

    If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.

    If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

    If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.

    If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

    If it is paper, it must be torn.

    If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

    If the volume is low, it must go high.

    If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

    If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.

    If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into anything and everything.
OP posts:
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Cadeauxbury · 21/12/2004 19:49

I'm fairly sure I've heard all of this somewhere before.








Oh yes, from my 18 month old!

VVVVVV funny and not just a little bit true!

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codswallop · 21/12/2004 19:51

I liked it

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tillykins · 21/12/2004 19:52

Ahhh, so its not just MY baby?

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FimboCLAUS · 21/12/2004 20:52

I take it you know my son personally then?

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wobblystarryknicks · 21/12/2004 21:04

PMSL - that's my dd to a tee!!!

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mrschristmaswallace · 21/12/2004 21:21

are you talking about my dd?????
i love these threads!!!!

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Spamhead · 21/12/2004 21:42

I would add,

If Mummy or Daddy are on the loo / in the bath /having a shower, I must shout and scream at them through the door (if locked) or run in on them shouting and leave the door wide open (if it is not)...

no matter where else in the house I was before they went into the bathroom....

no matter what else I was doing beforehand

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FimboCLAUS · 21/12/2004 21:44

Yeah, especially the day the window cleaner decides to call... (ds bedroom window faces our bathroom door and if you leave door open you get a full view of the loo!)

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Spamhead · 21/12/2004 21:50

Yeah, know what you mean. DS is at that "Daddy Daddy" phase (nearly 18 months) and cannot bear it if I am behind a closed door or on another floor. If we have people round I have to lock the door, or all the world can see and hear me!

I won't go in to the logistical nightmare of having a pee with a toddler trying to peer round your legs and interfere with the course of nature!

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TwoIfBySanta · 22/12/2004 22:55

Oh you forgot -

If mummy is going to or in the toilet I will do any or all of the following:

a) If in a public place shout "Mummy's going to the toilet for a poo!"
b) If at home/visiting tell everyone "Mummy is peeing now."
c) If mummy is using the downstairs toilet, we will open the door while she is 'busy' as it opens outwards and she can't reach it. Bonus if someone is in or the windows are being cleaned.

And the main rule of my dst -

We may not be quite 3 years old but we know EVERYTHING!

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TeriS · 22/12/2004 23:13

LOL! It's not just me then....

I have just given in and decided that going to the loo/having a shower/eating, etc are all tasks which should wait until DS goes to bed!!! (although not always practical!)

DS (2) insists on coming to the toilet with me everytime, and continuously flushes the toilet/ attempts to put all of the toilet roll down the loo (while your still sitting on it!). Problem is, he now wants to go in when we have visitors to, which can be a bit embarassing for them, as you can imagine....

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CountessDingDongDrac · 22/12/2004 23:40

How about if mummy/daddy are on the phone, I will try as hard as possible to sound like I am being tortured?

If I am on the potty and mummy turns her back for a second I will stand in it.

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kinderbobsleigh · 22/12/2004 23:41

"if it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into anything and everything"

Except a mouth of course!

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wheresmypressies · 23/12/2004 00:27

if it is inedible it must be eaten {esp if poisonous)

If it edible it must not be eaten (esp if it is is home made)

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Cinderellascarrieg · 23/12/2004 00:32

If another, younger & smaller, child is peacefully snoozing, they are missing out on potential mayhem & action & must be prodded awake AT ONCE!

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Emelia · 23/12/2004 19:17

I loved this. My husband must read this he seems to think our dd (16 months old) is the naughtiest child on earth. I think he forgot how our ds was!

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louisse28 · 12/01/2005 20:52

If there is any post delivered through the door then it must be picked up and sorted into a pile and then sorted from that pile into another pile. If there are any open cuboards then everything must be removed, one by one and hand delivered to a parent ( usally mummy), or put into piles( as above) nightmare!!!

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louisse28 · 12/01/2005 20:52

If there is any post delivered through the door then it must be picked up and sorted into a pile and then sorted from that pile into another pile. If there are any open cuboards then everything must be removed, one by one and hand delivered to a parent ( usally mummy), or put into piles( as above) nightmare!!!

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Amanda3266 · 12/01/2005 20:56

Fantastic! LOL

Am going to print this off, photocopy it and give it to parents at the 7 month baby check (am a HV). I think it's required reading.

It also describes my toddler perfectly.

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Dior · 12/01/2005 20:59

Message withdrawn

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Dior · 12/01/2005 21:01

Message withdrawn

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louisse28 · 12/01/2005 21:04

When trying to show my parents that I can actually speak I will call "mummy- daddy", "nanny -grandad", but when asked who "daddy" is i will say ""daddy", and use it frequently, but only use the word "mummy" when mummy is not around....

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Hausfrau · 12/01/2005 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinyGang · 12/01/2005 22:24

If it's a minute plastic toy I will insist we take it with us.

I will then discard it casually and scream hysterically until Mummy retraces our steps (regardless of distance and dire weather) until she retrieves it on hands and knees from a puddle.

I will dip Mummy's face sponge into the wee in the toilet and then clean the toilet with it.
(Thank God I discovered that one, but as dh said 'you don't know that was the first time she did that')

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Evesmama · 12/01/2005 22:29

this thread is sooo funny, me and dp have been posl all night

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