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My 6 y/o ds hasn't got enough friends

(5 Posts)
Janeane Thu 02-Dec-04 11:56:25

My ds is an only child and we don't have family living near. We originally planned to join our families and live abroad but it never worked out - quite a long story. DS has his own special interests but compromises to fit in with class friends. He really tries and I'm proud of him, but he needs friends that love him a bit more! He is very warmhearted and likes hugging but has been put off because he said his friends don't like things like that. He is also very inclusive and will welcome in all ages but finds his school friends regularly exclude others outside their circle or age group. For example, he told me recently that he wanted to play with a boy from Y2 (regularly tries Y2 kids) and when he suggested it to his best Y1 friend, his friend said: I dont play with him and I dont know him. But ds will happily play with all age groups including toddlers - the little sweetheart. He's doing OK at school but I can see his friends are going in different directions he's not always too happy. When I see how much love he gets from his own family/cousins aboard I know what he is lacking - he is very loving and family minded. We are now part of a irregular group of class kids/mums who attend eachothers parties and events and go for odd days out etc, and I will always keep this going and I'm grateful for it. He'd happily do more ball sports and soft play centres but is getting fed up of going alone with me! I know loads of other mums whose kids match him/us in interests, but getting the mums out is another matter. We also go to various sports clubs - unfortunately alone - the other kids are willing, but their mums are nice but too busy or cancel at the hint of a rainy day!

Has anyone got any tips or advice? Are there any known organisations for *Only Children* where parents and kids can link up? Mentoring organisations for younger kids? I only suggest this because we need people more than people need us - an organisation that deals with these kinds of issues would understand that it can be quite isolating sometimes. I checked Gingerbread, but they said strictly lone parents only. Thing is, I often feel like a lone parent because sadly DH is very part time, often away, usually executively stressed, self absorbed and more of a man's man rather than a family man - that is a separate issue that I have to make decisions on soon - meanwhile ds is my responsibility because dh will never sort his needs out. Sorting ds weekend activities are my department and ds is definitely looking for strong male role models that, sadly he is not getting at home.

Advice/suggestions needed please!!

nm Thu 02-Dec-04 12:02:43


I know what you mean - dd is an only child, dh works long hours. BTW your ds sounds lovely and I love that he will play with all children - you must be very proud (and rightly so). I know you have a ds but what about some sort of dance or singing class. the teacher at DD's dance class always complains that there aren't enough boys - it will also make him very popular when he is older!

I will be watching this thread for any other ideas.

Good Luck

zebra Fri 03-Dec-04 15:29:00

I wish you lived near me, Janeane. We moved to a new area 4 months ago and it's hard for DS1 (5yo)to break into the existing social network. He is a very extrovert child, I think he's fairly popular at school, very self-confident & he'd like to go around to friends' houses to play every day. He's constantly saying "Let's go to X's house today!" and I have to say, "Sorry, we haven't been invited..." not that the other child wouldn't like DS, but the mothers don't know me. I invite them, but they always fob me off. I don't smell, honest I try to do the chit-chat thing, but with 3 kids, I'm pretty busy supervising them (and often I feel like the only mum on the playground doing any supervision). I often notice birthday invites flying around at the school, but DS1 has only been invited to two parties so far -- and one of those, it's only after the mother got chatting to me in the playground.

DS doesn't notice the lack of party invites, but I do. I feel bad for him being left out. Luckily he has 2 younger siblings to play with, at least.

Janeane Sun 05-Dec-04 12:18:04

Hi, thanks for the suggestions. NM: singing and drama is a good idea, will try that out, he loves singing at school and practising his class songs for the Christmas concert. Now that he is Y1 there is less singing and more study and he misses it. You're right - I am really proud of him, I know he will be OK, but I can't help worrying - when he is sorted my mind is always at peace! Zebra: my ds is the same and often says: can I come to your house? to the mums who always rush off and don't look like they need extra friends for their kids. Like you, I have tried inviting the mums and kids that we like and suggesting things at school but most want to get togther but are too involved in their own lifestyles and families which is fair enough. I can see they are always pressed for time and they are really nice so I know it's not personal. I shall persevere and keep his hobbies/interests going. Thanks. XXX

girlfromip Thu 03-Feb-05 16:53:39

Janeane, I just found this thread in the archive and was wondering how things are going for you? I have one ds (4) and am really going through this not enough friends thing at the moment. Would really appreciate some 'only child' or 'my child needs friends' therapy....

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