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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Laziest parent league

18 replies

LosingMyCool · 14/10/2021 10:27

I am losing it with my OH, who takes 2 hours+ to get ready each morning (

OP posts:

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AnneLovesGilbert · 14/10/2021 10:31

Would it really make you feel better to know there are other useless dads and miserable strung out mums? I doubt it.

Why doesn’t he care enough about either of you, the people he’s meant to love and cherish the most in the world, to play an active part in family life?

MonkeyPuddle · 14/10/2021 10:34

Nah, he’s a selfish dick. Knowing there are other miserable women out there won’t improve your home life.
I would be incandescent if DP treated me with such little respect.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 14/10/2021 10:35

My ex was a stay at home dad.
He refused to do any housework, wouldn't do reading books or homework with the DC, wouldn't learn how to do DDs hair, wouldn't do bedtime, wouldn't do baths/showers and wouldn't make meals for them.
I was working 50 hour weeks and coming home, doing reading books and homework, bath and bedtime, prepping the next days meal so he only had to heat it up and then in the mornings I would get them up and ready for school before I left for work.
As I said, he's now an ex. For very good reason.

Just10moreminutesplease · 14/10/2021 10:38

You don’t need to convince yourself that your partner’s behaviour is ‘normal’ by hearing that other people deal with the same crap.

You need to respect yourself enough to make a change. Your time is just as valuable as his. You deserve time to relax just as much as he does. You are both responsible for your child.

EileenGC · 14/10/2021 10:42

No, creating a league of useless partners and dads isn’t something we should aiming for.

I have no children and still don’t have a run and bath every morning because there is no time and I have life to deal with. Why can’t he take a 5 min shower or cancel his run when you’re busy with the baby? When do you get to take your 20 min runs?

I wouldn’t be settling for this. He can change, he just doesn’t want to.

Coriandersucks · 14/10/2021 10:49

I understand you probably wanted this to be lighthearted op but this behaviour really shouldn’t be normalised. He’s useless and it’s not funny.

Fallagain · 14/10/2021 14:07

Nope that is far from normal. Sorry OP.

LuchiMangsho · 14/10/2021 14:15

Not funny. In fact we should do the opposite. We should normalise husbands being competent and involved. Mine is a physician/scientist and works FT, and handles everything school related including costumes for Halloween and is a parent governor at the school. He makes breakfast and packed lunch (we are in the US). And spends almost his entire spare time with them especially on weekends. He loves make believe play with them which I just can’t do. He also batch cooks on weekends and does the laundry (I do too). I don’t think he deserves a medal because I work FT, do the bulk of the cooking, supervise homework and music practice and keep on top of housework and life admin (we have a child who has been poorly so in the US that often means lots of calls to our insurance provider). We are both parents. My Dad was the same and was an equal parent.
Please let us not hide pure misogyny in the guise of humor and male uselessness. Please please let us, in the 21st century, normalise dads being involved in the lives of their children fully and functionally. Anything less is unacceptable.

LuchiMangsho · 14/10/2021 14:50

And DH is the way he is because his dad was for many years his primary carer because his mum was sick and in hospital. I am hoping that our sons learn that this is how parenting works.

Mc3209 · 14/10/2021 15:58

OP, commiserations. My DH is similar. I do 95% of childcare, but I am still on mat leave (going back to work shortly). I haven't had any 'me' time since my son was born almost 1 year ago. My DH has never fed or bathed baby by himself without my input (trust me, not my idea!). Every time I ask him to change a nappy he pulls a face.

It's not normal from what I hear, but you are definitely not alone.

Comedycook · 14/10/2021 16:01

My ex was a stay at home dad
He refused to do any housework, wouldn't do reading books or homework with the DC, wouldn't learn how to do DDs hair, wouldn't do bedtime, wouldn't do baths/showers and wouldn't make meals for them

So not a stay at home dad then...just a dad who happened to be at home at the same time as the kids.

No wonder you got rid of him!

Chelyanne · 14/10/2021 16:40

My DH is in the military so works away most of the time. When he is home I just get on with things so he doesn't have to do much, I'm a sahm. We have 6 kids now, he was rubbish with the 1st but got more helpful as we've had more. Link it to maturity maybe, we were very young with our 1st.

EileenGC · 14/10/2021 16:43

Every time I ask him to change a nappy he pulls a face.

What does he do when you just hand him the baby and point to where the nappies are?

Why did he want to be a dad if he isn’t being one? I don’t understand why men (and women) think this is normal. He’s a parent. He should be doing some parenting?

Slayduggee · 14/10/2021 16:47

My DH is lazy but not as lazy as yours. I’m spending two nights in a hotel as I’m away for work purposes and I know if with give my DH as wake up call as I normally feel like I’ve run a marathon getting two kids ready before I got to work. He’s doesn’t seem to get it that I work FT and I have 2 hours ‘work’ getting kids ready and where they need to be in the morning and then in the evening 2 hours of picking kids up, cooking dinner, prepping for the next day at the end. I expect after 2 days away will be on his knees. Yet for me I do this 47 weeks a year 5 days a week whilst doing a full days week in a stressful job.

Don’t give up your job for this lazy man.

Mc3209 · 14/10/2021 17:13

@EileenGC he would change it, but you'd think I asked him to eat a turd.

inmyslippers · 14/10/2021 17:15

Being a single mum is tough. when I read these posts, they remind me feeling resentful towards someone I live with was much much worse.

AnneElliott · 14/10/2021 17:49

Don't have any more kids with him is my advice. My H is and was lazy but with 1 DS it's a lot easier to manage and gets easier (physically anyway) as they get older.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 14/10/2021 18:17

So not a stay at home dad then...just a dad who happened to be at home at the same time as the kids.
yep. He wouldnt even do appointments with them, I'd have to take time off work for them. So glad he's an ex. Everyone with a lazy partner should just get rid. Being a single parent is hard but at least you dint have simmering resentment to the lazy pig that's meant to be your children's father

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