Laziest parent league

(19 Posts)
LosingMyCool Thu 14-Oct-21 10:27:14

I am losing it with my OH, who takes 2 hours+ to get ready each morning (<20 min run, bath and breakfast) while I do everything for the baby.
Misery loves company, so please cheer me up with your tales of useless other halves. Perhaps we could have some kind of league table. I'm curious if my OH has any chance of a podium finish or is merely average.

OP’s posts: |
AnneLovesGilbert Thu 14-Oct-21 10:31:33

sad

Would it really make you feel better to know there are other useless dads and miserable strung out mums? I doubt it.

Why doesn’t he care enough about either of you, the people he’s meant to love and cherish the most in the world, to play an active part in family life?

MonkeyPuddle Thu 14-Oct-21 10:34:20

Nah, he’s a selfish dick. Knowing there are other miserable women out there won’t improve your home life.
I would be incandescent if DP treated me with such little respect.

HerRoyalWitchyness Thu 14-Oct-21 10:35:27

My ex was a stay at home dad.
He refused to do any housework, wouldn't do reading books or homework with the DC, wouldn't learn how to do DDs hair, wouldn't do bedtime, wouldn't do baths/showers and wouldn't make meals for them.
I was working 50 hour weeks and coming home, doing reading books and homework, bath and bedtime, prepping the next days meal so he only had to heat it up and then in the mornings I would get them up and ready for school before I left for work.
As I said, he's now an ex. For very good reason.

Just10moreminutesplease Thu 14-Oct-21 10:38:49

You don’t need to convince yourself that your partner’s behaviour is ‘normal’ by hearing that other people deal with the same crap.

You need to respect yourself enough to make a change. Your time is just as valuable as his. You deserve time to relax just as much as he does. You are both responsible for your child.

flowers

EileenGC Thu 14-Oct-21 10:42:17

No, creating a league of useless partners and dads isn’t something we should aiming for.

I have no children and still don’t have a run and bath every morning because there is no time and I have life to deal with. Why can’t he take a 5 min shower or cancel his run when you’re busy with the baby? When do you get to take your 20 min runs?

I wouldn’t be settling for this. He can change, he just doesn’t want to.

Coriandersucks Thu 14-Oct-21 10:49:45

I understand you probably wanted this to be lighthearted op but this behaviour really shouldn’t be normalised. He’s useless and it’s not funny.

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Fallagain Thu 14-Oct-21 14:07:00

Nope that is far from normal. Sorry OP.

LuchiMangsho Thu 14-Oct-21 14:15:43

Not funny. In fact we should do the opposite. We should normalise husbands being competent and involved. Mine is a physician/scientist and works FT, and handles everything school related including costumes for Halloween and is a parent governor at the school. He makes breakfast and packed lunch (we are in the US). And spends almost his entire spare time with them especially on weekends. He loves make believe play with them which I just can’t do. He also batch cooks on weekends and does the laundry (I do too). I don’t think he deserves a medal because I work FT, do the bulk of the cooking, supervise homework and music practice and keep on top of housework and life admin (we have a child who has been poorly so in the US that often means lots of calls to our insurance provider). We are both parents. My Dad was the same and was an equal parent.
Please let us not hide pure misogyny in the guise of humor and male uselessness. Please please let us, in the 21st century, normalise dads being involved in the lives of their children fully and functionally. Anything less is unacceptable.

LuchiMangsho Thu 14-Oct-21 14:50:26

And DH is the way he is because his dad was for many years his primary carer because his mum was sick and in hospital. I am hoping that our sons learn that this is how parenting works.

Mc3209 Thu 14-Oct-21 15:58:46

OP, commiserations. My DH is similar. I do 95% of childcare, but I am still on mat leave (going back to work shortly). I haven't had any 'me' time since my son was born almost 1 year ago. My DH has never fed or bathed baby by himself without my input (trust me, not my idea!). Every time I ask him to change a nappy he pulls a face.

It's not normal from what I hear, but you are definitely not alone.

Comedycook Thu 14-Oct-21 16:01:17

My ex was a stay at home dad
He refused to do any housework, wouldn't do reading books or homework with the DC, wouldn't learn how to do DDs hair, wouldn't do bedtime, wouldn't do baths/showers and wouldn't make meals for them

So not a stay at home dad then...just a dad who happened to be at home at the same time as the kids.

No wonder you got rid of him!

Chelyanne Thu 14-Oct-21 16:40:18

My DH is in the military so works away most of the time. When he is home I just get on with things so he doesn't have to do much, I'm a sahm. We have 6 kids now, he was rubbish with the 1st but got more helpful as we've had more. Link it to maturity maybe, we were very young with our 1st.

EileenGC Thu 14-Oct-21 16:43:42

Every time I ask him to change a nappy he pulls a face.

What does he do when you just hand him the baby and point to where the nappies are?

Why did he want to be a dad if he isn’t being one? I don’t understand why men (and women) think this is normal. He’s a parent. He should be doing some parenting?

Slayduggee Thu 14-Oct-21 16:47:10

My DH is lazy but not as lazy as yours. I’m spending two nights in a hotel as I’m away for work purposes and I know if with give my DH as wake up call as I normally feel like I’ve run a marathon getting two kids ready before I got to work. He’s doesn’t seem to get it that I work FT and I have 2 hours ‘work’ getting kids ready and where they need to be in the morning and then in the evening 2 hours of picking kids up, cooking dinner, prepping for the next day at the end. I expect after 2 days away will be on his knees. Yet for me I do this 47 weeks a year 5 days a week whilst doing a full days week in a stressful job.

Don’t give up your job for this lazy man.

Mc3209 Thu 14-Oct-21 17:13:56

@EileenGC he would change it, but you'd think I asked him to eat a turd.

inmyslippers Thu 14-Oct-21 17:15:41

Being a single mum is tough. when I read these posts, they remind me feeling resentful towards someone I live with was much much worse.

AnneElliott Thu 14-Oct-21 17:49:03

Don't have any more kids with him is my advice. My H is and was lazy but with 1 DS it's a lot easier to manage and gets easier (physically anyway) as they get older.

HerRoyalWitchyness Thu 14-Oct-21 18:17:50

So not a stay at home dad then...just a dad who happened to be at home at the same time as the kids.
yep. He wouldnt even do appointments with them, I'd have to take time off work for them. So glad he's an ex. Everyone with a lazy partner should just get rid. Being a single parent is hard but at least you dint have simmering resentment to the lazy pig that's meant to be your children's father

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