Daughters dad winding her up

(22 Posts)
Charmlo Thu 14-Oct-21 04:07:50

Please help, my 3yo girls dad winds her up to the point she is screaming for him to stop. The anger and frustration he causes her drives me insane. He thinks I'm an idiot always has so no matter how many times I have told him to stop and that he is clearly effecting her her, he tells me im being stupid.
Examples of what he does, she was watching telly and he kept snatching the remote of her and telling her he's gonna turn it off. After he kept waving his hands in front of her so she couldn't watch it. He says that her sweets/toys or what ever she has at the time are his not hers, he then laughs uncontrollably at her when she reacts which makes her more frustrated and angry. I have said multiple times that he can't do that and he is effecting her, even my child minder has seen what he does and has said to me he needs to stop yet he won't listen.
He was very much like this with me when we where together he got a kick out of pissing me of and would go to any lengths to do it, so I personally know how it makes her feel.
Please if anyone has anything info I can back up with on how this will emotinaly effect her long term and how wrong it is and nasty please let me know as he classes me as an idiot and won't listen to me.
Maybe even some one I can get him to talk to.
I'm on the verge of contacting social services or the courts which is the last thing I want, my daughter does lover her dad and he can be a good dad but i can't stand and watch him mentally abuse her any more.

OP’s posts: |
LorenzoVonMatterhorn Thu 14-Oct-21 04:36:35

He is a nasty bully isnt he.

How fo you know what he is doing during his contact?

LorenzoVonMatterhorn Thu 14-Oct-21 04:37:49

And seriously how can you say he is mentally abusing her and being a good dad in the same sentence?! What are your criteria for being a good dad? He sounds like an absolute knobhead.

Bogeyes Thu 14-Oct-21 05:38:26

He is a nasty bully who should not be allowed to do this. Your child should feel safe and loved. He is tormenting her and is damaging her.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Thu 14-Oct-21 06:04:10

Your child needs to grow up knowing that her boundaries will be respected. He is setting her up for a lifetime of poor at best abusive at worst relationships.

How is he at respecting your boundaries? What happens when he wants sex and you dont?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Thu 14-Oct-21 06:06:09

Oh I see he is your ex.

Is he on the bc? Is the contact court ordered?

PanicBuyingSprouts Thu 14-Oct-21 06:33:00

* I'm on the verge of contacting social services or the courts which is the last thing I want, my daughter does lover her dad and he can be a good dad but i can't stand and watch him mentally abuse her any more.*

Why would protecting your DD be "the last thing you want"?


TheWeeDonkey Thu 14-Oct-21 06:49:15

He's mentally abusing a 3yo for shits and giggles. The bar for what makes a good dad here is in the Mariana Trench.

WickedWitchOfTheTrent Thu 14-Oct-21 07:11:12

I would absolutely speak to either Ss or family services I'd also stop him seeing her.

IggyAce Thu 14-Oct-21 07:20:51

Sorry he’s not a good dad, he’s abusive it there isn’t a court order in place I’d stop her visiting and tell him why. Offer supervised contact in a neutral place. I’d also report to social services or your health visitor at the very least

HappyMeal564 Thu 14-Oct-21 07:21:10

This is mental abuse. Go to social services or the court, she is a baby and cannot walk away or tell him to leave her alone. It sounds very cruel

CloseYourEyesAndSee Thu 14-Oct-21 07:23:52

are you still with him?
You know what he's like (a bully) so he's not going to change. You don't need to go to court or social services to separate from him if you haven't already.

rrhuth Thu 14-Oct-21 07:28:20

I feel really sorry for you and even more sorry for your dd.

What about contacting NSPCC for advice, talk to someone properly about it.

He's really not a good dad, not at all.

RandomMess Thu 14-Oct-21 07:36:26

Ask the childminder to report him for a start.

rrhuth Thu 14-Oct-21 07:40:53


Ask the childminder to report him for a start.

Yes this is a good idea

Porcupineintherough Thu 14-Oct-21 07:56:01


Ask the childminder to report him for a start.

To whom? OP is the one who needs to take this forward. She can get a statement from the childminder to help her but she needs to be the one that drives this.

OP is contact bw your ex and daughter court ordered? If not you could just stop it and tell him why (in writing so you start getting together a paper trail).

Fallagain Thu 14-Oct-21 07:58:09

Replace winding her us with bullying and mental abuse. Definitely get the child minder to report him and you. But ultimately you can’t change his behaviour but you can change yours by not allowing contact.

RandomMess Thu 14-Oct-21 08:07:09

@Porcupineintherough the CM should be report ongoing emotional abuse of her charge to SS if that is what she has witnessed.

Porcupineintherough Thu 14-Oct-21 08:09:17

@RandomMess fair enough but that should be as well as the OP taking action not instead of.

RandomMess Thu 14-Oct-21 08:11:57

A report from a professional child carer will carry more weight than an assumed "bitter ex"

SnarkyBag Thu 14-Oct-21 08:20:12

My dad was like this growing up and my mum did nothing. It will escalate as she gets older. My fond memories including being held under water at the swimming pool just that little bit too long and a “play” fight which involved being slapped along with “ha ha gotcha bitch, gotcha slag, gotcha cunt”

It will fuck up her boundaries and expectations of relationships and one day the reality of her dad’s behaviour will sink in and she’ll wonder why the hell no one stepped in.

If it’s bad enough that your childminder has commented then it’s time to take action.

Ginger1982 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:04:37

Stop contact.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in