I really really need help with my daughter

[foreverinadaze]

My dd has just gone one. I've posted before about my mental health issues and being off sick from work but right now my daughters behaviour is worrying and frustrating me and I was wondering if anyone knows if it's normal

Shes just gone one as stated. She has an afternoon nap which we now do in the pram, some days she has a morning nap but not often.

She's a total grump when she's awake. Screaming and shouting and proper screaming. Like going bright red from screaming. This all stems from having things out of her reach like wires etc. She has plenty of toys. She just crys all the time. Proper sobbing and going bright red. Weve recently installed safety gates, walking is very close to happening and when we shut them she cries. Even if we are in the same room as her.

Her eating has changed. She used to be an amazing eater but now she barely eats. Most goes on the floor. I tried some of the suggestions in a previous post of giving her little amounts but she doesn't eat and then cries because she's hungry. We offer her the food back and she just throws it

She still pinches and bites and claws and generally really bloody hurts me. Again tried some suggestions, tried distraction which worked fine for a couple of days until it didn't.
I know she probably doesn't understand what she's doing but it's hard

Shes only just gone 1 and I cant handle her now never mind when she goes 2.

I'm off work wirh mental health issues and I'm barely coping

Any suggestions would be great

[foreverinadaze]

Anyone?

[DominicRaabsTravelAgent]

That sounds hard @foreverinadaze. Can I ask what help you're getting for your MH?

Ate you in touch with your HV? Could you ask her to do an assessment? She might also be able to put you in touch with a local support group for Mums who are struggling.

If you're finding looking after her a little hard, try Toddler Taming, it helped with DC1.

It might be worth doing this progress checker before you speak to the GP, just to make sure things are on track

[DominicRaabsTravelAgent]

Sorry, no idea why the link didn't work, the book is Toddler Taming

[MissMaple82]

I'd do a morning nap too tbh

[Dragonpox]

My advice is to get out of the house as much as possible. Spending hours inside can mean little behaviours become infuriating. Go for a walk, the zoo, push round the shops etc. Go to some baby groups where you can get some adult interaction and she gets novel toys.

[foreverinadaze]

I'm on medication for my mental health. But honestly some days it's a nightmare getting out of bed. I've posted about it before. I'm persevering with the tablets. Just hoping they work

She will only nap in the pram so we've started some long afternoon walks. I do try jn the morning but I don't always have time. If shes tired and it's too much she will just fall asleep on the floor and I leave her there to sleep. Not exactly the best i know.

Developmentally she seems fine. I did the check list and shes on track. She isn't pointing at things yet but she is only just 1 so I'm not too concerned. She does speak a few words and she does look at us when we call her.

Shes definitely frustrated, shes right on the brink of walking. But not there yet.

As for the health visitor, we saw her once when baby was 8 weeks. And that's it. I wouldn't even know how to get In touch. We haven't had a word from them.

[foreverinadaze]

@Dragonpox trying so hard to go places. We are limited as don't drive and with a lot of places needing booking still I seem to always miss them. We play in the garden a lot and spend a lot of time in asda or tesco. We've been to soft play a few times but she gets bored very quickly. Which is a shame. I thought all kids loved it.
Hoping to get a few good days out now ive changed my working hours and things are opening up.

[foreverinadaze]

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent

That sounds hard *@foreverinadaze*. Can I ask what help you're getting for your MH?

Ate you in touch with your HV? Could you ask her to do an assessment? She might also be able to put you in touch with a local support group for Mums who are struggling.

If you're finding looking after her a little hard, try Toddler Taming, it helped with DC1.

It might be worth doing this progress checker before you speak to the GP, just to make sure things are on track

Just purchased the book. Thanks for the suggestion

[DominicRaabsTravelAgent]

You can get in touch with your HV by phoning your GP abs asking how to get in touch or by asking on your local FB Group.

[Scrunchies]

@foreverinadaze if she’s falling asleep on the floor she is realistically utterly exhausted. How long has she been on this one nap for? Most babies her age need 2 naps, and if you’ve been doing one nap for a while this might have built up. Sleep deprivation can be culminative and I think a lot of her behaviour is likely tiredness. Do you try putting her to sleep for her morning nap in the cot?

[NannyR]

Will she sleep in her cot for her nap? I know many parents say that their babies nap fine in prams and carseats, but I feel that babies get better quality sleep in a cot (just like as an adult, I get better sleep and wake up more refreshed after sleeping in a bed, rather than a car)

[foreverinadaze]

@scrunchies yep tried her in the cot in morning. Screams and screams till she throws up. Longest we've left her is 20 minutes and I couldn't do it anymore.
She sleeps for 2 hours in the pram on an afternoon as long as its moving and sleeps 12 hours on a night
I cant get her out in pram really on a morning as well. I need to sort house out and things.

[foreverinadaze]

@Nannyr sleeps like a dream in her cot overnight. Will not entertain it thru day. Tried white noise which we use on a night. She just screams the house down and becomes really over upset

[Isabellabasil]

I know you said you need to sort house things but I really would take her out for a nap in the mornings. My DC1 would only sleep in the buggy so I went out twice a day and walked and walked. That is your priority right now, house stuff can wait!

[Scrunchies]

@foreverinadaze I have a spirited on year old too so I know how hard it is. Could you try a travel cot or sleep basket in your living room or wherever so she can still hear you? If she falls asleep on the floor anyway there then it might be worth a try.

Ultimately it’s up to you what you prioritise, you say you need to sort the house etc but then you deal with a grumpy baby. I think as long as you recognise that’s a choice then that’s up to you. Personally I’d try and get her to nap in the morning even if that meant another walk, even if it was just 30 minutes.

[Scrunchies]

@Isabellabasil completely agree.

Very easy to say “I can’t” when we mean “it’s hard”

[foreverinadaze]

@Scrunchies its more things like taking a shower and prepping tea or putting food delivery away as opposed to like washing up etc.
I need to shower. Literally the only me time I get and my husband watches her and then goes to bed. He's a night manager at a store so works overnight.
He has off the days I work.
Shes exactly the same for him.

[HunkyPunk]

Would she watch some children's tv in the morning while you do stuff? You could sit her on a comfy fleece in case she falls asleep.

[AliceW89]

@foreverinadaze do you get her up at a set time every morning? Do you have a routine of mealtimes, activities and nap(s) occurring at, give or take, the same time every day?

Agree with PP. If she’s falling asleep on the floor it sounds like she could easily nap in a cot. It sounds more like you can’t predict when these naps will be, so you have to use the buggy to encourage them?

Same with eating. She needs regular and routine exposure to feeling hungry, eating and it being relieved. It’ll involve a lot of food throwing and food rejection - it’s a massive thing to learn, akin to walking and talking.

I’m sorry if this sounds like grandmothers being taught how to suck eggs. I only do as I have an equally highly strung 1 year old who melts down easily. The way I keep control and prevent the days being catastrophic ensure we both enjoy our days is by having a really predictable flow. I think ‘high needs babies’ (for want of a better term…) like the structure of a routine even more than a relatively easy going baby. It’s just more difficult to cement that routine in the first place. She probably is difficult but a lot of what you describe could be chalked up to tiredness, hunger or both.

[foreverinadaze]

@AliceW89
We have a sort of routine. We have no childcare so it's just me and my husband. If I'm working he does the childcare. I'm currently off sick so I'm doing most

She wakes between half 6 and 7
Milk and nappy soon as up
Breakfast is around 8
If shes wanting food around 10 she has some fruit or cucumber sticks. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't
Dinner is 12
Pram walk from 1 till 3. Naps qa soon as we start moving
Snack when home
Home, play in garden, play inside, watch me cook tea
Tea Is half 4 to 5
Then bath, story, milk and bed
Usually asleep by 6 pm.

[AliceW89]

I’d say your nap is too late for a one year old on one nap (FWIW I agree with PP - we clung on to two for as long as possible. For a good month the morning nap was in the car or buggy for 20-30 mins en route somewhere if not at nursery). You are in a very fortunate position that your DD sleeps 12h overnight. Try and put your nap either in the middle of the day or closer to the morning - ie if she’s waking at 6:30 do it 11:30-13:30 with bedtime at 19:00. It won’t be long at all until 3h of awake time between nap ending and bedtime starting isn’t enough. That’ll also stretch your meals out - currently they are all bunched close together, especially in the afternoon, so she probably just isn’t hungry enough to properly eat. DS at about 1 suddenly needed to be hungry, then he’d eat a ton and not launch so much.

Other than that, I sympathise. If it’s any consolation, ~12 months was the absolute pits for us. No matter what I did DS cried and moaned a lot. He also didn’t sleep at night - you are very lucky in that sense! He’s still a handful but a lot better now at 16mo, although I’m sure there will be more bad phases to come.

[Smartiesandhugs]

I would agree that she sounds over tired. When I first dropped to 1 nap I had to move lunch earlier to 11.30 and then nap at 12 as she would be falling asleep in her dinner otherwise. If she is overtired at nap time it makes it difficult for her to self settle hence the screaming in the cot. Have you tried putting her down earlier?

[AliceW89]

I think overtired gets over used on MN, but I actually think it’s probably the case here. If she’s completely happy to sleep in the cot at night after only 3h of awake time, but screaming solidly in it during the day, she’s probably just too far gone to settle. I’d embed an earlier nap in your routine in the buggy, then try and transition to the cot in a few weeks.

[spaceghetto]

My little boy was similar, I used to drive to a supermarket and sit there for 2 hours while he napped. Looking back it was bonkers but it gave me a rest so I did it. My friend suggested having a morning routine which them led to a nap. We did:

Singing songs
Snack
Activity in the garden
Books and snuggles in bed
Nap

It took a week or so but after that he'd nap happily at home.

[Seesawmummadaw]

Tbh if she’s off her food and screaming I would see the GP to rule out a physical cause.