I feel my partner is stealing away my parenting opportunity one handover at a time

[ReuT3]

I'm a stay at home mum with a Work From Home dad. Every time my baby cries he comes to help. He says he isn't judging, he just wants to help stop her crying. I know he's her parent too but he'd argue with me for not asking for help until I hand her over. I nearly put her to sleep. I started breastfeeding her to sleep because if she was breastfeeding she wasn't crying so he wouldn't take her off of me.
It got to a stage when the health care worker said she should be in the cot and offering sleep advice.

My partner would say he isn't ready for that and that we'd do it when we are. That he liked the slow process they told us about even though it drew out the struggle. She sleeps fine on her own and I got her to sleep once but he still makes plans to put her to bed himself.

[ReuT3]

@ReuT3

I'm a stay at home mum with a Work From Home dad. Every time my baby cries he comes to help. He says he isn't judging, he just wants to help stop her crying. I know he's her parent too but he'd argue with me for not asking for help until I hand her over. I nearly put her to sleep. I started breastfeeding her to sleep because if she was breastfeeding she wasn't crying so he wouldn't take her off of me.
It got to a stage when the health care worker said she should be in the cot and offering sleep advice.

My partner would say he isn't ready for that and that we'd do it when we are. That he liked the slow process they told us about even though it drew out the struggle. She sleeps fine on her own and I got her to sleep once but he still makes plans to put her to bed himself.

I don't feel like I've had the opportunity to be a parent and if I tried it would just be a fight over a baby. He takes time off work to do this and then later mentions it in arguments as if he's putting out for me and I'm sure he's just slacking off. I want him to go back to work so I can plan my day properly around her rather than feeling upset because I can't cuddle her and sing to her. When I wanted help at the beginning I didn't want him to take her off me every night. Just a few hours so I could sleep the aches away.
I don't know what's going on in his head but he insists on being the one to put her to bed. Not because he's better at it but because he doesn't like to hear her cry while I'm trying to get her to sleep.
He didn't know how to parent at the beginning and now he gets her to sleep better than me.

[CrashBandicoot21]

Sounds so sad! Poor thing! How old is baby? X

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Any reason you can’t relay this to him directly OP? Not in an argument but how you want him to leave you to it one night?

[Getawriggleon]

Say "aren't you meant to be at work?" every single time he comes in.

I'm a SAHP, DH is currently working from home, I look after the kids during working hours because that's my job and he does his work because that's his job. He has his office space to work, I have the rest of the house. He'd obviously give me a hand if I needed help (like looking after DC1 at times when I had morning sickness) but otherwise we don't see each other apart from at lunch some days. I think you need to have a proper chat and set boundaries about time and space.

[mindutopia]

Is there a reason he can’t put her to bed? If you are presumably meant to be looking after her during the day, then it’s great for him to do bedtime. During the day, he should be working. My employer would be annoyed if I was doing childcare instead of working when the other parent was at home FT. I would just sit him down and discuss the ground rules that between 9-5, you do the parenting and he works, but from 5, he can take over and you can go do some exercise, have a bath, read a book, whatever so he gets 1 on 1 time.