Leave baby with dad ,he’ll be fine? He WASNT!

(260 Posts)
ERFFER Sun 13-Jun-21 18:33:15

So anyone that read my last post , would know that my “DH” has been struggling with parenthood and generally letting the side down
After 8 weeks with a new born , of DH fury and thoughtlessness and down right careless behaviour with the baby , I left him for 5 days to go to DMs so he would miss us, and I’d get a break from him .

Returned to find well rested DH who seemingly enjoyed his bachelor week !?
But with promises of “ more time for mummy/offers of care for baby and naps”

So a month later - I still hadn’t had so much as an hour to myself, taking a nap was still causing WW3 ( I’ve no idea why he doesn’t or won’t understand that I need a nap if the baby was unsettled all night/day -it’s like a form of psychological torture, sleep being purposefully withheld ) I’m still waking and up for the baby every night and asked DH if he could do this for one night ( was defensive and caused yet another argument-but he did it)

DH still going to his hobby every week ...

So after yet another argument about me going for a nap (which obv I didn’t get ) and his time management skills and explaining to him that the baby is NOT a German train schedule and sometimes things don’t quite go to plan, I decided that on that day- I would I go collect something for the Baby by myself,for a an hour to two ( first time) and leave the Baby with him.
( he obviously assumed that I was taking the Baby)

Well, I’d been gone TEN minutes, and received a phone call for DH that he’d let Baby fall off the sofa onto the wood floor.
I had to get off the bus, get on another one back home , call a taxi and take Baby to the hospital. Where I was for 4 hours.

I told my DH to pack a bag and leave, and his BF came and collected him.

Baby was fine ( thankfully - or I’d be writing this post from a jail cell!)

DH went out with his mates last night, ( pre planned, but wtf?) whilst I stayed in and watching our newborn for signs of concussion.
I don’t even know how to come back from this? I feel like he’s lost his mind?
It’s all very well to say” just leave him” but we’ve been together for 15 years and are married and have/had a life together?
How can we fix this? I don’t know how to put my anger and sadness in him ,aside?

OP’s posts: |
Stormyequine Sun 13-Jun-21 18:36:52

Bloody hell OP. That is tough. I'm not sure what you can do other than leave him but I can understand why you wouldn't want to after so long. Have you sat down and discussed it? What does he say? He must realise he is failing you and DC badly?

AOwlAOwlAOwl Sun 13-Jun-21 18:36:56

You can't fix this on your own and he is clearly not interested in being a decent husband and dad is he?

CupoTeap Sun 13-Jun-21 18:37:16

You can't fix him being a total let down, only he can and he's showing you he does not give a fuck about you or the baby

MinesAPintOfTea Sun 13-Jun-21 18:37:26

Honestly, leave while baby doesn’t know better.

You can first ask him what was going on such that he neglected to ensure his child’s safety, and didn’t prioritise concussion checks over a social engagement, but unless there are very good answers to both of these, leave.

If you aren’t going to leave, at least insist on relationship counselling.

Embracelife Sun 13-Jun-21 18:38:30

Why didn't he take baby to hospital and you meet them there

OhCobblers Sun 13-Jun-21 18:39:38

He's not fixing it though is he?
Or even trying to?
Still happy to go out on the piss to leave you to pick up the pieces after he fucked up?

Why would you want to fix it and stay with such a selfish arsehole?

I would be beyond furious and kick him out too and get ducks in a row
He's shown that he doesn't give a damn about you or how you feel let alone your baby.

I'm sorry OP but it's clear as day reading that in your post.


user1493494961 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:40:09

It sounds like you're writing a blog.

whatisheupto Sun 13-Jun-21 18:42:36

Leave leave leave. There is no fixing this. And it will only get worse and worse and worse. Trust me, this is just the beginning.

I bet the baby didn't fall at all. He is just playing games with you and wanted to make you come back straight away. I'd put money on it.

Run for the hills.

Faranth Sun 13-Jun-21 18:44:17

There nothing you can do, honestly. The only person who can fix this is him, and he clearly doesn't want to. Fuck knows why, but he doesn't.

I'm so sorry OP, he's a complete and utter shit. flowers

ElderMillennial Sun 13-Jun-21 18:44:26

Yes why didn't he take the baby to hospital?

The thing is accidents happen but it sounds like he hasn't put a lot of time in.

3WildOnes Sun 13-Jun-21 18:45:53

I would try marriage counselling and see if that helps.
I wouldn’t be super annoyed at the rolling off the sofa as my husband and I have both made careless mistakes ourselves. I would be very upset that he isn’t taking a more active role in parenting and not allowing you to get enough sleep.

GreenCrayon Sun 13-Jun-21 18:47:00

So instead of calling 111 after his child fell off a sofa he called you, waited until you came home to sort it all out and then left you to take baby to hospital.

I agree with the previous poster leave now before baby knows any different. He's not a parent and he won't step up.

RandomMess Sun 13-Jun-21 18:48:19

He sounds like a child himself and a misogynist.

Apparently the DC are ALL the mothers responsibility whilst he carries on as if he were childless and now his wife has a "hobby" and is trapped at home he can act like he is single.


ChocOrange1 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:49:25

I wouldn’t be super annoyed at the rolling off the sofa as my husband and I have both made careless mistakes ourselves

Everyone makes mistakes. But making a mistake 10 minutes in to the first time he has even been a lone with the baby? I don't think so.
Presumably when/if you hurt your baby by accident, you would feel guilty, take them to hospital and look after them even more carefully.
This guy couldn't even be bothered to take the baby to the hospital or to keep an eye on him that evening. No, he preferred to go out to the pub.

FuckMyLife2021 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:50:22

So what if you’ve been together over a decade, he’s a shit Dad and a dangerous one at that.

Get rid.

bubblebath62636 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:50:24

Leave him.

Seesawmummadaw Sun 13-Jun-21 18:52:10

You can’t fix it. He’s a clueless dickhead who has no interest in you or his child.

Up to you if you are prepared to put up with it.

AHobbyaweek Sun 13-Jun-21 18:52:49

I have been with my DH for 15 years and married nearly 10 and I would leave if he was this useless and inconsiderate. You have already made it clear he needed to step and and all he has done is argue more and make it worse.
I couldn't watch someone watch me suffer who supposedly loved me. If they can watch that then I would believe they didn't and I couldn't love them.

Toottootdrivers Sun 13-Jun-21 18:53:57

How was he when baby fell off the sofa? Upset? Remorseful? We've all made careless mistakes but what matters is the reaction.

imaginethemdragons Sun 13-Jun-21 18:54:37

screaming in my head is “safeguarding “.

What if he doesn’t step the fuck up and grow up? That child’s safety is at risk.
I wouldn’t risk that.

Of course not mentioning the fact that he won’t give you a break, but then he can’t be trusted any way can he.
You are destined to be a lone parent anyway aren’t you.

Ragoo Sun 13-Jun-21 18:55:14

Divorce him.

BigPlanes Sun 13-Jun-21 18:57:23

Did the baby actually fall off the sofa? Something sounds odd here. Did the baby get hurt any other way?

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:58:33

Yep, divorce the fucker. See how much of a life he has handing 20% over a month.

Skiptheheartsandflowers Sun 13-Jun-21 18:58:38

Get a shit hot divorce lawyer, take him to the cleaners and spend money on paid childcare for you to get a break. It'll still be hard but you won't have this millstone round your neck.

Have there been no signs of his self-centredness before this in your 15 years together?

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in