In Laws...

(12 Posts)
Twelve8Ts Tue 04-May-21 08:02:34

Hi all,

My daughter is 10 months old, I’m also 33 weeks pregnant so a lot of the time I’m trying to stay calm!

Ever since my daughter was weeks old, my father in law has tried to give her food. He gets told no obviously. Every time we see them he will give her something I’m not comfortable with, or things she can’t physically eat as she only has 2 teeth! He doesn’t listen to a word we say.
Yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back, he tried to give her a sip of his Bacardi and coke....even when people were shouting at him he still tried, and then tried to give her one of the ice cubes instead.

I try to stay calm, I death stare my husband so that he handles the situation instead. But it’s really upsetting me now. I feel like he has no respect for me. I feel sorry for my MIL because I can see how angry it makes her as well.

So I’m basically asking, why is he doing this? Is it for attention? Is he trying to get a reaction out of me? Is he trying to win her over with food? And how do I handle this situation with out causing an argument?

Thanks x

OP’s posts: |
KateMuff Tue 04-May-21 08:06:42

Why don't you say anything? I'd give him a piece of my mind, what he's doing is dangerous and really unpleasant. Stop worrying about what he thinks of you and take charge. Something simple like 'what's is this matter with you, you've been told repeatedly. Do you want to make her seriously ill? Anymore of this nonsense and it'll be the last time you see her, do you understand?'
Then follow through.

Happytentoes Tue 04-May-21 08:11:59

Gosh he sounds arrogant and ignorant. Call him out at the time. And have a discussion with your husband to ensure he jumps in and sorts his father out the instant he pulls this sort of nonsense.
Congratulations on your young family - you will have your hands full , but full of joy too.

Twelve8Ts Tue 04-May-21 08:26:32

@KateMuff I think because I’m heavily pregnant I’m just trying to let other people handle the situation so that I don’t get worked up and upset. You know when you feel your blood boiling? But you’re right, i should probably just say something myself without getting too angry. Thank you.

@Happytentoes He is exactly that. Yeah I think I will ask my husband to have a private conversation with his family too and let them know how much it’s upsetting me. I know he is very embarrassed about it.
Hands full indeed! Thanks so much x

OP’s posts: |
thistimelastweek Tue 04-May-21 08:28:49

Someone has to tell him that he has made it impossible for him ever to be left alone with a baby.

That will be very upsetting for a granny was probably looking forward to babysitting.

Woodlandbelle Tue 04-May-21 08:32:54

Dont visit for a while. Let MIL call over. Keep things good with her. But don't let hin have the opportunity. He sounds unwell actually giving bacardi to a baby.

Seeline Tue 04-May-21 08:33:56

Not the point - but just because she only has 2 teeth doesn't mean she can't have food to chew on. Their gums are pretty hard.

Lollypop4 Tue 04-May-21 08:34:18

Quite bluntly ; get a back bone!
Tell him if he tries to give her anything else - food or drink, he won't be allowed to see her again and stick to that.
It's that simple.
Your DH also needs to say the same.
If he does do it again, after you've told him, pick up your DC and leave

Twelve8Ts Tue 04-May-21 08:52:32

@thistimelastweek That’s exactly it. I feel sorry for her because I would never leave her with them. Her I trust completely but that’s not good enough for me, I have to trust both of them.

OP’s posts: |
Twelve8Ts Tue 04-May-21 08:54:53

@Woodlandbelle I think because she was born in lockdown and didn’t get to see many people, she really isn’t keen on men. And so I wonder if he’s trying to win her over by giving her things she’s never had before. Totally wrong way to go about it!

OP’s posts: |
Twelve8Ts Tue 04-May-21 09:22:43

@Lollypop4 I do need to get a backbone. It’s such a shame that we used to get on so well and now since having a baby, I actually don’t like him at all.
I actually think just picking her up and leaving would really hit home.

Thanks everyone x

OP’s posts: |
Fleetw00d Wed 05-May-21 02:44:18

He sounds like he's maybe quite awkward and doesn't know how to interact with the baby so it's doing quite random unexplained things as that's all he can think of to interact with her. Have you or your partner asked him calmly why he tried to give your baby bacardi or why he doesn't respect your wishes, I would be quite clear and say if he doesn't do as you ask he cannot see the baby. Awkward conversation to have but he needs to respect you as parents and you need to be able to trust him

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