Sick of being moaned at 24/7!

[Momtot]

As the title says. I just need a rant!

I’m so sick of just being moaned at by everyone constantly! I have a 3 year old who just moans about every single thing from the second he wakes up, everything is wrong or a problem and it’s always mommy’s fault. I then have a 2 year old who is SO mischievous at the moment, cries every time I tell her off, fights with her brother every 2 minutes and, you guessed it.. moans about everything.
Then there’s the 4 month old, who actually is a dream.. until it’s nap time or over night, feeds constantly through the night so if my boob falls out of his mouth he moans. Both toddlers come into our room at least 3 or 4 times a night so I have to get up to put them back to bed, by which point the little one is moaning for boob.

My partner is no different either, moans about everything, his expectations of what the house should be like with 3 little ones is ridiculous and beyond me. I think he thinks I’m some superwoman who should be able to do it all and have a smile on my face.

This morning, after a 5am wake up call and being moaned at by the toddlers for their morning milk being too hot, too cold, not having the right biscuit, wanting more biscuits, not wanting CBeebies on but not wanting anything else either, but wants to watch tv.. my partner then moans that there’s “clothes everywhere” ie the clothes I took off last night were by my bed because I’d JUST settled baby into his cot and didn’t want to disturb him by putting them in the wardrobe.. and a small pile of baby clothes I’d taken off the radiators this morning and put on the stairs to take up and put away when everyone was awake. That’s it.. but he still moaned.

I am sick of being moaned at. I’m trying my best, I’m exhausted and I can’t do it all. I also have a headache and bad period pains so excuse me if I want to sit for 5 mins after I wake up from a restless night.

I don’t know the point of this post other than to rant. So, sorry. Tell me I’m not alone?!

[SnuggyBuggy]

Surely your DH should be open to talking about realistic expectations and a split of the housework. When we went from 1 to 2 and 2 was newborn I lost my shit at DH a few times about his expectations of what housework I'd be capable of.

[Muskox]

Oh OP I feel your pain! You have three very small DC and this is such a difficult time. Your DH needs to step up and make things easier for you, not harder. I hope you made that crystal clear to him this morning!

[gingercatsarebest]

I have an 11 year old dd..she goes through extreme moaning stages..I find it unbearable. ...your situation sounds worse. ...deep breath!

[Momtot]

SnuggyBuggy, we’ve had the conversation/argument 100 times over.
He does do his share when he’s home, housework is like a 30/70 split.. but I do all the child related things. Obviously he’s at work all day but he will moan if the house isn’t tidy when he gets home.. after I’ve been on my own with all 3 kids all day plus trying to do all the extra house/life stuff! When I get upset about it he will say he understands and doesn’t mean it, it’s just the way he is. He was in the army for 5 years so he’s very particular about things! It’s bloody annoying and draining to be honest

[Wtfdidwedo]

I have a 4 year old and almost 3 year old which is bad enough, if I had a baby and a shit husband on top I'd have run away a long time ago so you are a hero.

I get what you mean about the moaning. My 4 year old has an attitude pretty much as soon a she gets up, she starts most sentences with "I want" these days. I don't think lockdown has helped because she's probably getting more TV and snacks than ever before, so is probably more expectant now than previously unfortunately!

You need to talk to your husband though and get him to pull his weight. Is he of any use on weekends/days off? Does he get involved at night time? My husband wasn't the best when they were babies until I had several breakdowns on him and just used to bugger off on my own for a bit.

[SnuggyBuggy]

Would he be willing to pay for a cleaner if he's that bothered?

[Momtot]

Wtfdidwedo, 3 and 4 year olds are very difficult aren’t they, I hope you’re okay!! I’m starting to look forward to September when DS will start school and can moan to someone else instead 😂 he’s literally moaning at me as I type this.
DH is good when he’s home and on weekends, and to be fair he actually has started doing some bedtimes with the toddlers while I’m sorting baby which is a big step. The problem is he works long hours, then when he’s home he will finding things to fix and do which is great but I could use some help with the day to day tasks! When he does help out with those things he always seems pissed off so it makes me feel bad.

I’ve mentioned a cleaner too but we’re saving for our wedding so not taking on any extra costs at the moment. When I’m back at work in September things will be easier and hopefully I won’t have a boss who moans at me too 😂🙈

[pumpkinpie01]

Your dh needs to stop moaning , it's making your kids think that's normal and making them moan too. I know a little girl whose mum is quite negative and generally moany and her dd6 is now like it too which is a shame as it often takes the fun out of a day out. He needs to lower his expectations, get a cleaner or help out more.

[WaterBottle123]

Assuming your husband isn't working tomorrow get up, leave the house, drive somewhere, buy a coffee, take a long walk, buy lunch to eat in car and don't come home til you run out ways to be outside the home.

Your husband needs to learn to stop being a sexist knob and appreciate you. Being in the military doesn't make him a special little flower who has to have tidiness but not tidy,

[StopTouchingYourFairyGarden]

Mine are the same (the kids) and I think it's pretty normal. Especially at the moment. A few people I've spoken to in real life are saying the same.

Your DH moaning is not OK! I really rely on my DH to lift me up when I need it. You need that boost just now.

[Momtot]

Pumpkin that is so true, hadn’t thought of it that way before!

WaterBottle, he is working tomorrow.. but I definitely need to do that one day. What I’d love to do is leave him with all 3 kids for a week and see how he copes!! Then he might understand a tiny bit, given I’ve had nearly 4 years of this now non stop.

The thing that gets to me, and I dunno if it’s because I’m sensitive and a bit needy, but I get no thanks for what I do well, just moaned at for what I miss or what I do wrong. For instance, last night DH had to pop out so I cooked dinner, did bedtime and got all 3 kids asleep, then cleaned the kitchen and did a wash load on my own for the first time since having 3. He comes in and doesn’t say a word, doesn’t acknowledge that, but this morning he’s moaned about the one bit of washing I hadn’t yet put away. That’s what’s getting to me I think.

[WaterBottle123]

@Momtot

Your last post makes me really sad, he's awful! Can you go on strike? No housework til he mends his behaviour and manners?

This will only get worse.

[Momtot]

StopTouchingYourFairyGarden (love that name btw 😂) I know it’s normal, and fully expected but I just needed a rant because I’m becoming a tad overwhelmed by it! I can’t wait for life to get back to normal so we can see people, have some support and something to do other than go on walks!

[snowydaysandholidays]

I say this as someone with teens. Nip the whinging in the bud. Ask the child how they think they can solve the problem/feel happy/ cheer up. I did encourage my children to take personal responsibility for their own happiness. Yes your children are very young, you will need to guide them with ideas/solutions. Put music on, don't allow everyone to wallow in negativity. And be especially mindful that they are not taking cues from you, are you being positive, upbeat and cheerful?

Lead by example and decide to have a happy home.

[Porridgeoat]

At least leave him with all the kids for 48 hours minimum. He can book a day off afterwards so he has some people free time as he normally does. He really does need to experience your life, although the relentlessness may not be fully understood.

Personally I’d tell him straight ‘moan at me one more time and I’m booking myself into a hotel for the weekend and leaving you to run the show here ‘ . Then follow through. You could easily leave 5pm Friday and return 5pm Sunday.

[StopTouchingYourFairyGarden]

The moaning is overwhelming. I find the same thing.

Your DH doesn't sound like he's pulling your weight. I think you need to have a frank chat with him about how you're feeling and how you can move forward together as a team.

Snowydays, my sister always says that (she's a teacher) about not allowing the moaning, and to be fair her kids don't moan that much. She is really strict and will say things like

'I can't hear you when you use that voice. Try again'

'we don't speak that way in this house. Nice voices only.'

It does work, but I find it exhausting to say 2 million times a day. I might try it again though as I don't want to get to teenage years and find they are still whining.

[Porridgeoat]

I really think you need a break and to set new boundaries. I foresee you’re going to hit the shit big time when you return to work and he fully expects you to run the house while working.

[Porridgeoat]

I would just ignore the moaning completely. Blank it. Don’t respond. Say you only understand when they speak nicely

[ForkHandlesplease]

Tell your H you agree the place is in bits, put your baby in the pram or car. Head off leave him with the housework and the toddlers. You are not staff

[Momtot]

Snowydays, I’m by nature a very energetic and upbeat glass-half-full Kind of person, but I have to admit this is breaking me slightly. I can choose to be happy myself, but when I’m getting negativity and moaned at every time I feel happy it just brings me down. I need to have a different approach with the kids moaning I think, I’ll try all of these suggestions on the thread!

Another honest chat with DH is needed too I think, even though we have before, and tell him it needs to change!

I just know it’s in his nature though, his step dad even told him to go easy on me and lower his expectations, so that says a lot.

[Momtot]

Porridgeoat, when all this Covid stuff is over I might just take myself away for a few days. I really want him to feel what it’s like to be me. Thing is I breastfeed little one so can’t leave him yet.

I remember when I was in hospital having our second, reality hit him and he said how he realises How much I do etc, and that was only with 1 child! That seems to have been forgotten now and he expects the same from me with 2 extra children.

[MrsMyreton]

OP, no advice just solidarity... I have an almost four year old who's desperately missing nursery and a five month old who's teething. The moaning is unbearable!!! Even though eldest isn't normally like that and obviously five month old can't help it!

[pumpkinpie01]

Moaning drags everyone down and creates a whole air of negativity and it's an easy habit to get into - moan , moan , moan . Moaning sets the mood in the house , he really has got to change his ways especially as the 3 year old has started it too. Kids learn by example . Your dh probably doesn't realise how much he is moaning but when covid is over and you start having days out and they are moaning about every little thing it will spoil the day.

[kidscreatemess]

I feel your pain- but I only have 2 DC (3&4yo) and a really helpful husband. I feel like screaming most days, so god only knows how youre holding it together.

The house will be a mess. Your husband either needs to pull his weight or get over it.

Stick on the tv and don't feel guilty. See if you can sneak in a quiet cuppa.

And consider when you can rope your DH in on night shifts with baby (tricky I appreciate for a breastfed baby!). Since my youngest turned 1 we both share night shifts, working or at home- you still need the sleep

[grey12]

I could have almost written this post. I also have 3 kids roughly same ages.

When kids moan too much I ignore them. It's hot wait or blown on it, it's cold you should have eaten it on time, you don't want to watch cbeebies I'll turn the tv off. Kids need to stop complaining so much....

Regarding nighttime waking, I did that before little one was born. It's tough OP.... but it works. Just need to be persistent.

You need to have a good talk with your DH. Tell him you're not coping too well, that he needs to help you out a little or complain less and.... well..... talk to him again after a while. It's difficult to understand exactly how other people are doing. He can't read your mind or has xray vision to see how tired you might be