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My mum injured my son

(559 Posts)
KevinTheBird Wed 27-Jan-21 21:01:28

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

OP’s posts: |
WouldstrokeTomHardy Wed 27-Jan-21 21:06:05

It would be the end of my relationship with DM I'm afraid. But I wouldn't have left my children with her knowing she has a temper. Sorry OP

ooohbriefcase Wed 27-Jan-21 21:10:05

I'd never see her again.

Shieldingending Wed 27-Jan-21 21:10:54

How old is your son? I wouldn’t be leaving him with my mum again if that happened

DartmoorDoughnut Wed 27-Jan-21 21:12:07

I’d report to the police without hesitation.

Birdladybird Wed 27-Jan-21 21:12:42

Yes it would be the end of any relationship. But then my DM would never do anything like that.

WunWun Wed 27-Jan-21 21:14:14

I would report it to the police without a second thought.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Wed 27-Jan-21 21:14:44

I would absolutely call the police. The relationship with your dm needs to be over for your dcs sake, and your dc needs to see you protecting them.

Hope you're all OK flowers that must have been a shock for you all.

WunWun Wed 27-Jan-21 21:14:46

And I say that as someone who doesn't leave my children with my mum for the same reason.

Letsallscreamatthesistene Wed 27-Jan-21 21:15:36

It'd seriously colour my relationship with her and id never, ever take my child anywhere near her again

HoneysuckIejasmine Wed 27-Jan-21 21:16:10

Ok two inches in big so have you done appropriate first aid e.g. cleaning, steri strips etc? It'll need help to heal cleanly, you may need minor injuries.

I would certainly never let her see them again and I'd probably take advice of hospital staff as to reporting procedures.

ZackaryQuack Wed 27-Jan-21 21:16:40

This would be the end for me, especially as she has shown no remorse and basically said "it's his fault he's hurt"

As there has been no sign of this behaviour in 15 years, personally I would have expected the children to be safe in her care with you napping in the house.

I'm sorry this happened and I hope your ds is ok.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees Wed 27-Jan-21 21:16:53

I think I would be reporting this to the police actually.
How old are your children?

Comefromaway Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:05

She doesn’t see either of them again. With or without you.

Only you can say whether you are up to going to the police. Considering your childhood, I think I would.

Santaiscovidfree Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:06

Wel she has just ended her relationship with all of you...
And I say that as a dd who is nc with her
dm. And she doesn't see my dc either..
She never laid a finger on them but was surprised my parenting didn't include smacking as hers had..

Sandytoes86 Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:10

I would never let my children near my mother again if this happened and would absolutely never forgive her. Be careful OP I understand it must be hard as she is your mother.

N4ish Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:19

I would keep my DC away from her. Your childhood sounds very difficult, the story about being left at the station is terrifying. I think you may be minimising how bad her behaviour was back then.

Reinventinganna Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:24

She would be gone from mine and my children’s life. For good.

I hope your ds is ok.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:24

Jesus. That’s horrifying. You can’t trust her, I wouldn’t have left them with her, you can’t let her anywhere near your children again.

What she did to a little boy was absolutely vicious. I’d probably report her to the police as well.

Doingitaloneandproud Wed 27-Jan-21 21:17:46

I'd be calling the police and go NC with her, you need to protect your children and not be letting her around them when she can behave like that. If you went back there and she lost her temper again and hurt them, that would be on your conscience.

Pluckedpencil Wed 27-Jan-21 21:18:39

You poor thing. I'm so sorry. You're right to be angry. I don't think I could ever get over this and above all the denial. Don't feel guilty, this was not you and it was reasonable to think she may be different as a grandma.

Strongswans Wed 27-Jan-21 21:18:46

I would report her to the police and have your poor ds's seen by your doctor ASAP.

eenymeanieminymo Wed 27-Jan-21 21:19:09

That would be the end of my relationship with my DM. I don't blame you for wanting to have a relationship with your mum but she has shown a leopard doesn't change its spots. Protect your DC like someone should have protected you x

Strongswans Wed 27-Jan-21 21:19:26

Ds's injury seen

NaughtipussMaximus Wed 27-Jan-21 21:19:59

That sounds extremely hard, OP.

Have you taken your son to A&E to check if he does need stitches? You can’t mess around with hand injuries.

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