Hi, I don’t know if anyone can help but I think I just need to get this off my chest, so excuse me if this turns into a rant.
My daughter was born last February, and when she was six weeks old, we entered the first lockdown. Now on lockdown 3 and I think I’m going mad.
I’m sure so many other new mums are in the same boat, but this has not been the year I envisaged for my daughter and I, and certainly not how I wanted to spend it. I don’t have it worse by far, and I’m extremely grateful that I’m able to stay home & safe, but I’m still struggling to come to terms with how hard and overwhelming I’ve found the last year.
I’m a single parent (my relationship broke down as lockdown 1 started), and I do all of the parenting by myself and have pretty much since day one. Her dad comes every other weekend to play & do bath time, but that’s all the help I get. I’m exhausted. To the bone. I don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. I cry most days because I have no mum friends to talk to who understand (I’m quite young & the first of my friends to have a baby - all they say is “aw it must be so nice to have so much time with her!”, except I would have had this time regardless of lockdown & if there hadn’t been a pandemic, could actually have got out and met other mums & enjoyed our time more!!!). I sought help when I was pregnant for depression but due to delays, didn’t have an appointment until my daughter was three weeks old, and the psychiatrist “prescribed” me to sign up to some baby classes - I didn’t even make it to one before they all got cancelled, and I’ve been on every waiting list locally just to get one class and after nearly a year have still had no luck. I feel so lonely without anyone to talk to who understands - my own mum is happily married & loved being a parent (I’m one of four) and doesn’t understand/isn’t very sympathetic to the fact I’m finding it so overwhelming at the moment. I am so lonely, it makes me feel miserable and I feel like I’m failing as a parent as a result.
I love my daughter to pieces, but she’s at a difficult age now where she bites and slaps a lot, and throws tantrums pretty much constantly (I realise she’s not quite 1, but she really throws her toys out the pram if she doesn’t get her way). I’m trying my hardest to be flexible and understanding, and after reading Phillipa Perry’s parenting book, I wanted to take that approach. But I find it so hard not to snap at her - I shout at least once a day, and find myself frustrated with her a lot more than that. My temper has been so terrible since becoming a parent, and I am finding it so hard to keep calm when, for example, my daughter runs off with a pooey bottom and manages to get it up the walls (I laugh now, but at the time I swear I could see red! She didn’t know any better, she’s only so tiny still, but in the moment I get so angry!!).
I guess I just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else is struggling (I realise we probably all are, and I should be thankful that I don’t have more to juggle). I’m just finding this all very difficult and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.
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Really struggling with baby & lockdown
10 replies
firsttimemumma5 · 18/01/2021 20:56
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