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Advice on how not to become a grumpy mum(14 Posts)
Can anyone give me any tips on keeping my patients while saying "no" to my 14mo 3648959506 times a day? She has so much energy and I just find myself saying constantly saying "no don't eat that book" "no don't bang that" "no don't touch that". I know she's just learning and testing the boundaries but it's starting to get to me and I dont want to be a grumpy mum!
I find that distracting my LO helps me to avoid the n word. 😊 It's not full proof but shaking a rattle or starting to read a book without her usually prompts her to want to join in (as she hates to miss out) and then she'll usually want to play with the toy or read herself. This doesn't mean she doesn't destroy her books when my back is turned but I find that it keeps me somewhat sane. I've started investing in flap books with bigger flaps and creating toys like tins with stuff in them she can shake as there's always something new then. I don't think I can go the whole day without saying no but it gives me another way to tackle it.
Realistic expectations- let the little things go
The things you mention are completely normal for a fourteen month old to do - they are just exploring the world. They aren't being deliberately naughty. Have safe alternatives for anything that's dangerous. As much outdoor time as possible too.
Master the "mum glare" that way you can freeze her in the midst of doing something you don't want with just one look
Rather than say no try saying we are gentle with we cat, books or for reading, try singing it, imagine you are a ceebies presenter, except that sometimes you will be grumpy.
Don't say no all the time. Keep it for really important stuff or it loses it's power.
Distract, distract, distract! Get her attention onto someone else.
Take breaks, rest and recharge, as often as possible. Watching TV together happily is better than forcing yourself to do arts and crafts (or something similarly 'enriching') when you're already hanging on by a thread.
Maybe think about whether you need to say no... don't touch that for example, reserve no for the odd occasion where she's really going to hurt herself. Put things you don't want her to touch out of her reach rather than waiting for her to reach for them then saying no (how frustrating that must be for her when she's trying to explore the world). Really she should be allowed to touch most things that she's able to 😬 Is there a big problem with her chewing on a baby board book?
Do you need to do a quick toddler proof of the house so that there’s less stuff you don’t want her to have around?
Other than that, on grumpiness, I always find it helpful to remember Penelope Leach’s advice on toddlers, which is to try to stay on their side. It sounds weird, but I find it helps me
The best way to avoid is to avoid those things happening in the first place. So toddler proof so things she can't touch aren't in reach. Our living room has all Dd's toys arranged at her level, there isn't really anything she can't touch, and in the kitchen the cupboards have baby lock things on.
And as pp said, leave no for when she'll actually hurt herself, destroy something etc. Instead of 'no don't eat the book' say 'lets look at the book together', or just saying 'yuck that book's not tasty!' used to work with DD when she was that age.
Do you have a room in the house that you can make a ‘yes space’? A room where she’s allowed to touch anything, bash stuff about to her heart’s content. That way you can take her there when you find the grump coming on. I try to make as much of the house a yes space as possible, pots and pans for bashing in the lower drawers, pointy things up high for example, but I know that’s not practical for everyone.
Thanks for your advice everyone I do try to distract her as much as possible but when she wants something she gets so worked up about it sometimes. I have toddler proofed the house but it's things like when she presses the button to pause the washing machine and she doesn't just chew her board books but eats them! I've even found bits in her nappy I think it's more when she bangs her cup on her high chair table when she knows not to do it or picks things up when we're walking outside like stones and leaves and tries to eat them. I usually take her cup off her until she's actually thirsty again and just continue to say "no dont bang" but maybe I should try saying "gentle" instead? I know she's just being a normal toddler and just wants to explore the world but sometimes when I'm tired I just dont have the patients. Maybe other mums feel like that too? Maybe I should stop complaining...
It's fine to complain!
Things like the cup bashing do pass. It eventually becomes less interesting to do it. I think some things you learn to tune out.
Toddlers are pretty exhausting!
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