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Difficult one

(24 Posts)
MagicalPegasus Sat 16-Jan-21 18:10:08

Hi guys.
So I'm in a bit of a mess. Everyone I talk to about it tells me that it's cruel, harmful and that the person in question should be reported as it is a type of abuse. Whereas I'm the kind of person who just let's people get on with their own life and keeps my nose out. But it's getting to the point where I'm getting shi* from everyone for not reporting.

So nobody on here knows me, as I don't know you, so whose better opinions then strangers who are also parents, right?! Please don't give me shi* for it. I don't know what to do.

A family member of mine had her son in April last year. From him being born she has fed him hungry baby milk because "I need my sleep and it makes him sleep". Then as soon as he hit 3 months she fed him jar foods and purees along side the hungry baby milk because "the milk just isn't filling him anymore and I need to sleep". Then she bragged all the Time about him sleeping 12 hours sometimes even 16 hours. Then when he hit 4 months she started with actual food. Then the teeth come, he started sitting up, crawling and even standing. Still bragging about the 16 hour sleep. Well he is now 8 months and he eats pizza, chilli, curry, salmon, wraps, chocolate. Everything. She says he eats what I eat when I eat it. She put a picture of him on Xmas day and his dinner was bigger than mine. She said he ate the lot and then had 2 8oz bottles of milk on top after. When we last spoke he weighed 29lbs. And he still has about 4 8oz bottles of hungry baby milk a day as well as 4 meals and puddings in between. He is in size 18 month clothing. It makes me sad as everyone keeps telling me this is cruel. I'm a first time mum and so is she. She had a baby in lockdown and hasn't had any baby groups to go to or anything like that. The worst thing is she judges me because I haven't weaned my 5 month old yet. She tells me she is going to be so far behind and always has a go. My baby has cmpa so I am waiting to be referred to a dietician before I do anything to be honest.

I just want to keep my nose out but I don't want to see a baby harmed if I can help it. She doesn't listen to what anyone says as she thinks he is thriving and doing so well because he is walking and talking at 8 month. Constantly bragging about it...

Long post but I needed to get it out so thanks for listening.

OP’s posts: |
Princessbanana Sat 16-Jan-21 18:24:36

What weight was he when he was born? What was his predicted growth in his orange book, like what centile was he on? It definitely sounds like she’s over feeding him by a large amount!

nimbuscloud Sat 16-Jan-21 18:28:15

he is walking and talking at 8 month.

Talking at 8 months is very unusual. How many words is he saying?

LivingMyBestLife2020 Sat 16-Jan-21 18:29:03

She’s definitely over feeding if what she says is true. I would take what she said with a pinch of salt though and stay out of it. Of all the apparent people who thinks it’s abuse, they should report it

Princessbanana Sat 16-Jan-21 18:30:38

Oh and as soon as she sees a health visitor, she will have no problem telling her that she is over feeding him. In my family there is a mother of 4, she is clinically obese and feeds the children exactly what she eats. It’s not bad food in fact it’s most healthy eating but she dishes out the biggest portions you have ever seen and because of that, every one of her children is over weight. It’s very sad to see but I think she doesn’t see them as being fat, she just sees it as big boned!🙄 I was fat as a child and I alway promised myself that I would never let any of my children get to that point. I can happily say they are all a healthy weight!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Sat 16-Jan-21 18:34:43

16 hours of sleep, walking and talking at 8 months?

I think she is having you on a bit.

She maybe does give him large plates of food, but most of it will end up on the floor tbh.

Some people just get weirdly competitive when they have kids a similar age and start ridiculous boasts. Sounds like she is one of those people.

Skullcup Sat 16-Jan-21 18:40:10

She's full of shit, you know that right? Babies don't talk at 8 months old.

If you are worried you can make an anonymous report to social services. All they will do is get the HV to speak to her about weaning.

EnolanotAlone Sat 16-Jan-21 18:42:38

What is reported defies natural development. Babies need time to develop menatlly, physically. Not all is truth.

Chalkcheese Sat 16-Jan-21 18:44:40

I mean some babies do walk at 8 months old. It's very young, but not unheard of. That said she does sound like she's exaggerating everything. I'm sure if you saw what my kids "eat" you'd think I was feeding them way to much, but it makes sense whEn you see what ends up on the floor.

VettiyaIruken Sat 16-Jan-21 18:56:45

If these people think it needs reporting then why aren't they reporting? They can't be that concerned then, can they?

VettiyaIruken Sat 16-Jan-21 18:57:44

He is not talking at 8 months old. He's not.

MagicalPegasus Sat 16-Jan-21 19:00:56

@Princessbanana he was 8lb 10oz when he was born. He was 1 day over due. On the 50 percentile.

@nimbuscloud I've heard him say mamma, daddy & nanny. But she has said he also says dog, cat, no and tar. Which are the basics I know. But I did think it was very strange at 8 months. He has a full mouth of teeth too.

@livingmybestlife2020 I have seen some of the meals myself. Pepperoni pizza being one of them.

@princessbanana I'm obese myself and had a difficult pregnancy due to being over weight. I've promised myself I would never out my child through it and I am now dieting myself. It's not nice being big and the last thing anyone wants is a unhealthy relationship with food and mental health problems..

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult she is a very competitive type of person. Especially when it comes to pictures on Facebook to the point where if my picture of my girl gets more likes than her boy she falls out with people and calls them out on Facebook. It's super sad. I'm over 30 and too old for playground drama. But is over feeding and over thriving something to brag about? I don't get it I suppose lol.

@Skullcup I've heard a few words myself otherwise I wouldn't believe it. But my 5 month old sounds like she says momma but that's just babble.

@EnolanotAlone yeah I thought that too but forcing it can force development according to studies. I haven't a clue, I'm a first time mum myself. But a close friend of mine is a doctor and she said this can cause syndromes.

Thanks every :-)

OP’s posts: |
Ithinkhedidit Sat 16-Jan-21 19:24:54

8lbs 10oz is 75th centile. That was my first at 4 days overdue. He ended up on the 98th centile by 6 weeks by breastfeeding alone and stayed there until he was about 2.5yo(I didn't introduce solids til 6mo). Some babies are just big! Babbling has no meaning at 8mo. I'm fairly confident you can't "force development". Babies develop when they develop. Even if she is offering him a range of solids it's doubtful much is being eaten at this stage. I do know one woman who pureed her meals and fed them to her very young baby and he ended up with food allergies. Whether or not that's related, I don't know. I'm not sure what you'd report her for? He's 8 mo now so can eat solids? I'd stay out of it. I'm not sure who's pressuring you to report but perhaps remind them that given the state of the world currently, social services have more important things to deal with than a well fed baby.

MagicalPegasus Sat 16-Jan-21 19:32:34

@chalkcheese - oh yeah I totally understand the floor business and the mess food makes and I take into account the food all over the clothes but it's not blended food or purees, it's actual slices of pizza. She put a video of him on Snapchat eating a full bag of quavers and then cried for milk. So sometimes it's not all over the floor and such. I hate to sound judgemental or people think I'm being the "perfect mum police" as I'm a new mum myself and make mistakes and everything like the best of people. And would never try telling someone how to look after their child as all babies are different but surely this food isn't good at 8months??

@vettiyalruken - because the people I rant to or express my concerns to don't know her. Just like everyone on here. You can't complain about someone if you don't know them. It's an awful situation for me as she is a family member and was considered a good friend until we got pregnant and the competition started. It's a shame really. I love the girl and her little boy but she just won't listen to anyone when we all express our concerns about food. She thinks it's normal and good. But being obese myself and having an obese niece the comments and the bullying just isn't the nicest of things. :-(

OP’s posts: |
MagicalPegasus Sat 16-Jan-21 19:39:29

@ithinkhedidit - she told me the 50th. I don't understand the percentile business. I was never told about it, I never even saw my chart throughout my pregnancy. It was all done online so didn't have it in my book either. Anyways, I understand some babies are big just as some are small, tall, petite etc. My baby is petite and is on the 25th percentile at 5 months (whatever that means). I don't want to complain about her, the last thing anyone wants is social services or the HV getting involved. But I don't want to see a baby get hurt at the same time. That's my issue. Like I've said numerous times above I have no clue, I'm a new mum and concerned as other people keep telling me that it's bad. But I'm just going to stay out of it. Leave it be. And just keep my concerns to myself from now on. It's going to be the best way.

Thanks xx

OP’s posts: |
IScreamYouScreamWeAllScream Sat 16-Jan-21 19:47:45

Babies aren't meant to have much salt in their diet. Surely pizza and quavers are way over that.
My baby can eat lumpy mush from a spoon but really only a few spoonfuls and when we give her finger foods she just squashes it and drops it on the floor. She really doesn't eat much at all.

I asked my NCT group how much their babies ate and while the general concesus was more than mine did, they didn't actually know. Because they just gave baby food, some went in mouth, some on floor and just stop when baby stops. Then clear up. Could your friend be the same?

If I've read my redbook correctly then 29lb seems huge to 7 month old is 6.5 kg/14.3lb but she's diddy, 9th percentile.

29lb is 13.1kg which is off the chart. Even if they were 99.6th percentile that's 11.5kg /25kg

In terms of development, my baby can crawl and pull to stand and is trying to cruise but that's early. And as for talking... 😂😂. She learnt to blow raspberries today and yesterday was all about roaring like a lion.

Ithinkhedidit Sat 16-Jan-21 19:48:26

I honestly think that's the right call OP. If you suspected negligence or abuse then definitely make the call but I'm not sure reporting the variety of food he eats, sleeping well and meeting milestones early would go very far. In fact I think many people would take all those as positives! I'm no expert either but thinking of it from where you're coming from I just don't know if it's worth it.

IScreamYouScreamWeAllScream Sat 16-Jan-21 19:50:40

Do you have a red record book for your baby? You'll bring it to your health visitor apts.

The percentile means that your babies is larger than X% of babies and that is plotted across their ages.

For example a baby on the 25th percentile is larger than 25% of babies. One on the 99..6th percentile is larger than 99.6% of babies.

Terracottasaur Sat 16-Jan-21 21:40:43

If I've read my redbook correctly then 29lb seems huge to 7 month old is 6.5 kg/14.3lb but she's diddy, 9th percentile.

My baby is nearly 11lb at 6 weeks 😬 think he’s going to be a big beastie

BeHappyAndSmile Sat 16-Jan-21 22:17:22

Jesus if the birth weight and day were different I'd think you were talking about someone I know! It confuses me how people are so proud of something like being in clothes aged 10 months older. But probably not worth reporting, as others have said the HV will bring it up.

54321GoGoGo Sun 17-Jan-21 00:37:53

Report if you feel your friend is over feeding her baby. Might be a health condition not yet diagnosed.

We want the best for the child.

Noti23 Sun 17-Jan-21 01:14:42

Meh, op, you child sounds like it will be doing better in the long term. She sounds like she’s conducting an over zealous attempt at competitive parenting that is never good for children. My baby was babbling ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ at 5 months. Is he a he a genius now? No. He was just imitating the sound without knowing the meaning.

Noti23 Sun 17-Jan-21 01:16:38

Also, he walked at 9 months. He’s 2 now and can I tell the difference between him and similar afed friends who walked later? No. If anything, he’s a bit more weary of testing his gross motor skills!

Noti23 Sun 17-Jan-21 01:19:59

Also- he was 8 lb 10 born! At 25 months old he’s about 27lb 😮

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