Resenting my baby's father

[rainbowMIT]

Hi ladies

I really have no one to talk to or ask advice from.
My baby is nearly 6 months old. For a while now Iv started to completely resent my baby's dad. We are together and have been for 9 years now.
I almost feel I hate him since our DD has come along.

Is this a normal thing to experience that gets better? Because I don't no how to solve it. I have talked to him so many times about how I feel etc... sometimes he makes things better for a week then bam we are back to square one.

I do everything and I mean everything while he doesn't lift a finger. I do everything for our baby, I do all the cooking & the cleaning.
He goes to work at 8 and comes home at 5/6pm He loves his job.

Our baby is going through a stage of sleeping on her tummy and it is scarring me to death! He isn't worried! So I'm up all night every night checking her or turning her back over when she cry's.
I'm beyond tired & drained. I go to bed just after our baby at 8pm as I have a quick wash once Iv put her to bed. Then we are up again at 8am to do it all again.
It the whole 6 months no one has given me a break. Despite me asking for help. Lockdown isn't helping obviously. My baby doesn't no many people because of covid. I'm exhausted and I want some fun to.
My partner is always doing his hobbys and living life as he did before having a baby. Yet my life has changed dramatically! I honestly wouldn't change being a mum for the world tho! I don't feel I'm being unreasonable to expect someone to think of my needs every now and then. 😓 to ask if I want something to eat rather then me feed everyone, or have a lay in because Iv been up all night for the past forever.

Please someone help. I feel like a single mother.
Apart from I appreciate he is providing the income whilst I am on mat leave.

X

[Ticklemynickel]

Of course you resent him, he's a selfish dick. Either you need to have a serious talk about him doing his share (not helping, him doing his fair share) and see an improvement or make plans to get out because it won't get better.

Don't worry about her being on her front to sleep, once they can roll it's fine. Get some rest.

[partyatthepalace]

Bloody hell OP. This can’t go on - because it’s going to be a bloody nightmare when you go back to work.

I think you need to stop asking him and start telling him. Figure out for yourself first what you want him to start doing and have a rough plan to build it up so by the time to you back to work you’re doing 50/50 (adjusted for working hours).

Six months is a good time. Also if you are bottle feeding or moving towards switching over that helps too.

What’s also important is you start actively booking in things for you - eg a night where you are planning to have a bath, ring your mum / go for a walk / whatever you want - while he puts the baby to bed.

He clearly isn’t going to realise it himself so start taking control. And post for advice as you go.

[ZooKeeper19]

Absolutely understandable and you have every right to feel drained and angry. Talk to him, tell him "on XYZ day you have the baby from this to this, as I am going out". I did this as well, and things improved.

Evening - he does bath and sleep routine.

Stop cooking for him.

Make sure he helps with household - ask him to take the rubbish out, do the dishes, mop the floor, hang the laundry.

Parenting takes two people and you need to make this clear. If he kicks up a fuss or refuses then think if you are willing to be a slave for the rest of your life. What does he bring in for you?

[FippertyGibbett]

He isn’t a mind reader, you need to sit down and have a conversation again. Keep having the conversation as often as is needed.
So he comes home at 5-6pm and you go to bed at 8pm ? I think you need to make some couple time.
And if baby can roll onto it’s tummy it’s ok to sleep there.

[Thatwentbadly]

It’s normal to resent your partner for being to go to work while you stay at home with the baby.

It’s not normal for them for you to do all the parenting and housework. I’m a sahm, DD is bf and we’ve always had dinner as soon as DH comes home from work but he still lots at home. From DD2 being 8 weeks old he bathed both the girls together most nights, put the oldest to bed and then cleaned the kitchen as well as lots of other things. Just because your baby is ebf doesn’t mean there aren’t other things he can do with her.

If your baby can roll themselves onto their tummies it’s fine to leave them to sleep this way as long as you put them down on their back.

[NewMum0305]

Have you spoken to him about this? How did you split the chores before you had a baby?

Ps as PPs have said, if your baby is rolling onto their tummy themselves, leave them to it. My daughter (now nearly 22 months old) started sleeping so much better once she started rolling onto her front and still sleeps that way! I always put her down on her back but left her to it xxx

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

He sounds like an arse. Its no wonder you resent him if he's not doing any care for his child or around the house.

However, you do sound anxious. As a new parent thats natural, but once a baby can roll themselves you don't need to turn them back. The chances of SIDS has also massively dropped too, so that's always a bonus!

My DS slept so much better when he tolled over.

[tenlittlecygnets]

No wonder you resent him. He's a lazy git.

You should be splitting chores and cooking etc when he is home from work. You have been working all day to, looking after his baby!

What was he like before the baby e along? Did he do his share then?

You should each have one lie in at weekends, and equal free time.

[YRGAM]

Talk to him, tell him everything you've said here. To be honest this advice covers about 90% of topics on this board