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Any other SAHPs really struggling?(10 Posts)
My work dried up overnight with COVID (TBH, I'd not worked much before that either, but with the first lockdown that was the end of it). DH is working long hours at home (thankfully we have an office) and I just don't see him much for 10 hour stretches as he runs virtual meetings all day (and all evenings twice a week). DC are 7 and 11 and I'm seriously running low on patience with all the homeschooling, endless tech issues, parenting, cleaning up, trying to stay on an even keel for the children. I long to be on my own, not to be interrupted, to read, to think, to just be. I've suffered depression on and off for most of my life and I can't really see my way out of this lockdown situation.
Not sure what I'm trying to get from this post really, just don't have much RL support (well, none now really) and wondered if it's just me? As far as I can tell from whatsapp groups I'm on, this is hard for everyone of course, but what sent me over the edge today was a well meaning friend sending a video talking about the benefits of getting outside. She'd gone for a lovely solo walk whilst her DH was looking after the kids. OF COURSE she was mindful and enjoying nature. I was stuck indoors. I did get to go out (with the kids), but lasted 15 mins before the 7 year old baulked and we had to go home. Agghhhghghhh.
Does anyone have any tips?
I was like this during the first lockdown. Long hours with no adult company, yet by the end of the day I was desperate to be alone. I felt bad complaining as others are far worse if juggling work or single parents, but I was going slowly mad.
Your two are old enough for a film each evening, say 4pm. We did that for my older kids to give me a break.
Also alternate nights on bedtime duty, if your dh can stretch to that with his hours. I’m on my night off tonight.
I also insisted that dh took a half hour lunch break every second day and sat with the kids while I stood outside and
Even 10 minutes in the garden helped me, or just putting the bins out really slowly while the toddler watched from the window.
Hopefully you will get into a routine eventually. Make sure you get a break at the weekends at the minimum (and post it on social media )
At 7 and 11, with another adult in the house, surely you can leave them for an hour in the afternoon and go get some headspace?
Thanks so much for replying. With all the truly horrible things going on in the world, it's genuinely a bit humbling that people have taken time out to reply. I've no grounds to moan about anything - we've money in the bank, food in the cupboard, kids are well and happy. I really do need someone just to hand me a bit of a grip.
@Peapotter that's exactly what I'm doing - staying up late to have "alone" time when that's probably making things worse, because I'm tired (and a bit lonely). I'm really happy to hear that you're finding it easier this time round and that you've nailed a routine. I'll re-read your post tomorrow when I'm a bit more awake and nick some of your ideas
@Ohalrightthen (great username - a mantra at the moment). You're quite right. I could just walk out the door and give myself that head space. The kids are not little any more and they're unlikely to come to any harm. The one exercise a day thing has thrown me - I take the kids out and if that's miserable, we go home and I feel a bit trapped. I need to change my mindset and realise that mental health is important too, and if I need to have a walk on my own that's what I should probably do. If you can go out multiple times to walk a dog, surely it's okay to go out to have a quick cry where no one can see you...
I don’t have any words of advice but just wanted to offer virtual support and let you know you’re not alone. Like PP said; they’re definitely old enough for a film unsupervised or games, whatever they enjoy?
I'm currently at home on my own all day with a 7 month-old baby, a 10 yo and a 13 yo (they both have additional needs). OH is a ft key worker. It's so bloody tough.
You absolutely should get out for a walk, in your circumstances with your age kids and DH in the house i definitely would.
I was similar in 1st lockdown. I was on mat leave with an 8 week old, 3 Yr old and 5 Yr old. Trying to complete schoolwork with 5 Yr old who had only been in school 5.months, a 3 Yr old who needs constant entertainment and a baby who never napped and constantly needed to be held. I agreed with DH that he would go for a walk at lunch time for his head space and I would go when he finished work. It was so necessary.
This time I'm doing all of the above with a 1yr old, 4 Yr old and 5 Yr old plus both working full-time. This is even tougher ☹
I would install a bolt on the door of the master bedroom and use it! I'd say to hubby (on every evening he has off and maybe a couple times at the weekend) I am going in the bedroom to relax for an hour, please don't disturb me unless it's to bring me a drink!
Sorry to hear you're finding it hard too Nick and User. No clue how you do it at all with the little ones (or teens?) soo much harder. Stay strong and lower your expectations. Massively. I'm feeling less despondant today - nice weather and a successful walk (the kids took a football - it was like magic! No moaning at all!) and a new approach to homeschooling (the older one now sits with headphones and a laptop whilst I -entertain- teach the younger one. Not ideal, but hey. At 3pm school stops and they can go and do whatever they want as long as they are in a different part of the house to me. I've put the switch in the sitting room and I cook dinner (and hide) in the kitchen which is on a different floor. It's helping. As is binning off dry Jan!
Hope everyone got through this week okay.
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