Daughter is a worrier

[Charell20]

Hi,

I’m not really sure what I’m after here, maybe a little bit of advice. I don’t want to be mumshamed if I’ve done something wrong, I just need someone to give me some advice or tell me it’s normal....

My 7 year old daughter is a worrier. She worries about literally everything. We have to have lists of things around the house so she doesn’t forget things.

For example, we have been doing the ask Alexa how many days Until Christmas. She has written down everything, every word that has been said so she doesn’t forget.

She had a meltdown, sobbing and literally heartbroken because there were 30 children in her class and she couldn’t remember the last person to write a Christmas card to and she didn’t want to leave them out. (I asked the teacher for a list in the end!)

We have a nightly routine, of multiple kisses and cuddles because if she doesn’t wake up she wants to know that we are loved by her.

We have photocopied/scanned all her artwork from school in case it gets damaged or lost.

The teacher sent home extra sequins for her Christmas project because hers kept falling off and she wanted to make sure she had plenty to replace them as she had had a meltdown at school about it.

When I sweep the floors she has to look through the rubbish to make sure nothing has been accidentally swept up.

This is just a small example of what she worries about. She worries about the big things and things she really doesn’t need to.

She is a bright child, does well at school, has loads of friends.

No amount of comforting her worries helps and I’m at a loss what to do. My husband gets angry with her which I hate because she clearly can’t help it but o think he’s frustrated because he can’t help her.

I’m just at a loss, please help x

[MyGodImSoYoung]

Oh OP, that sounds really hard.

I don't really have any advice, but didn't want you to think everyone was ignoring your post!

I have anxiety, as does my DSis. I do think that you might need to try being a bit cruel to be kind. Nothing like telling her off! But, perhaps, don't allow her to check the rubbish after you have swept the floor.

When we were younger, my DSis used to get so fixated on things that allowing her to continue that way actually made it worse. For example, she didn't like to be out of the house on a Sunday afternoon/evening, because she wanted us all to watch a film and have time together. So my DM started to periodically make plans on a Sunday evening, so that we could not be home. She would be in tears and so anxious, but it has made things better ultimately - imagine never being able to go out on a Sunday afternoon!!

Could you get her a diary to write her feelings in? So when she is having a meltdown, she can focus her thoughts and write them down. I realise she is only 7, but she could still express herself.

Sending you luck xx

[Ohalrightthen]

OP, that is beyond worrying, that sounds like severe anxiety with significant obsessive/compulsive components. I think you need to get some professional help here, and I'd recommend going private if you possibly can as CAMHS can be very hit and miss.

Do you know what happened to trigger this?

[Hawkins001]

With her attention to detail, she would make a great asset in the civil service, obviously when she's older.

[Charell20]

I’m finding it extremely stressful in all honesty. I’m upset about it and so concerned for her, I don’t want her worrying about anything.

She has always been a mild worrier, but just little things and has always been able to be comforted or reassured.

This all started at the beginning of lockdown I think but it’s got progressively worse and Christmas we have noticed it’s extreme.

She’s outgoing, makes friends easily, she’s kind, generous, clever, happy other than this...

I’m trying to be the best mum and I feel like I’m failing her x

[Ohalrightthen]

You need to get her some help OP, proper help.

[angstridden2]

Agree, get her help now. It may get worse as she gets older so support now may prevent that. I wish I had done more about my child’s anxiety when young, but it was a very long time ago and it was assumed some children just had ‘quirks’.

[Charell20]

Thanks all. We are definitely going to look into therapy of some description. Either NHS or private, we are happy to pay whatever it costs to be honest. Not just to help her but for our peace of mind too.

We have chatted to her last night after one of her mini panics about forgetting things and the root of the problem seems to be all the changes around corona virus. She misses her extended family and everything is different to last year so she is worried it will all change again and she will forget stuff. I think because she is only 7 she is seeing what we see as not important as important to remember.

She was also extremely shocked that Mummy remembers everything, she asked me a million questions of varying levels of difficulty and I remember all the facts and figures she wanted. Which helped reassure her that Mummy and Daddy don’t forget things. (Things like what day she was born on.. it was a Wednesday and she asked Alexa and was shocked that that’s what the answer was!)

It’s certainly going to be a battle but I really appreciate the advice and feedback from you all!!!