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Do I send a picture of my child to his absent father?

(52 Posts)
user1498048847 Fri 18-Dec-20 13:29:46

The question is in the title really. My child is 3 years old amazing little boy and I take full credit for this. His father has been absent since he was one years old, popping up here and there. Never the best father, doesn't ask about him or ever offered to buy any nappies.

Coming close to my child's birthday and Christmas next week he has text me out the blue asking if I can send a picture of him as he has "fallen out of contact with people who get to see my son"

Im quite a sensitive sole so I will feel really bad if I don't send the picture but I can't help but think he doesn't deserve the picture. I just want him out of the picture completely. He is a stranger to my child. And probably feels guilty as it's near special occasions.

What do you guys think? Do I or do I not?

OP’s posts: |
Iwonder777 Fri 18-Dec-20 13:32:38


If dad is going to play a meaningful part, he should chase it himself im sorry to say

zafferana Fri 18-Dec-20 13:37:19

Personally, I'd chuck the letter in the bin, but that's just me! If he can't be bothered to be a father to his son, why should you bother to send him a picture?

zafferana Fri 18-Dec-20 13:38:14

Sorry text - so I'd delete it and I'd also block his number.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper Fri 18-Dec-20 13:40:05

Send a stock picture.

LittleMissLockdown Fri 18-Dec-20 13:41:12

So he has absolutely no interest in being part of your sons life? Instead of parenting he just wants a picture to show off his son to people who can then lavish praise and adoration on him as they have no idea how crap he is as Dad. Fuck that. When he decides to be a parent he can take pictures of his son but until then he would be getting sweet fuck all from me.

niceupthedance Fri 18-Dec-20 13:42:10

I would send it because I wouldn't want to do anything that I could later be blamed for obstructing their relationship. It's likely he won't follow it up if he hasn't been seen for 2 years already.

SantasNoReal Fri 18-Dec-20 13:46:34

I like the stock pic idea.

Why is he so bothered about a pic of his child when he never makes the effort? Who is this even for? A new gf? Social media?

Gigheimer Fri 18-Dec-20 13:47:55

I’d say he’s 3D and real life if you’re that arsed mate!

DrDetriment Fri 18-Dec-20 13:49:10

Yes. He's the child's father and however shitty he's been, does at least have the right to a picture.

AiryFairyMum Fri 18-Dec-20 13:49:39

Does he not pay maintenance?

Sandcastles09 Fri 18-Dec-20 13:50:33

Totally agree @niceupthedance It’s better for you to send it and be able to tell your son you did everything you could to keep his dad in his life so he won’t resent you later ( not in anyway saying you should be if you don’t send it, just how he might perceive it ).

Nonamesavail Fri 18-Dec-20 13:50:41

I always do when their dad asks. He's a dick and yes he should pay for school photos and csa but whatever I send him pics anyway. Its not down to whats fair or not. In the eyes of the court he is still 50% his.

supadupapupascupa Fri 18-Dec-20 13:56:42

In this situation I would send one yes. If you always do the right and kind thing you will never be blamed for anything negative. Hold your head high and set an example for your son.

BeepBoopBop Fri 18-Dec-20 14:14:02


Sorry text - so I'd delete it and I'd also block his number.

Absolutely this ^

maras2 Fri 18-Dec-20 14:26:04

Don't send it.
He'll use it to put all that doting daddy shit on Facebook.
Well done for going it alone. flowers

MrsRogerLima Fri 18-Dec-20 14:30:14

Definitely send a stock photo off Google. Pick one that looks as least like him as you can but not so different that it's obvious your taking the piss.

35andThriving Fri 18-Dec-20 14:34:31

Yes, send him a picture.

If he ever does have have contact with your ds in future, he can never say "Your mum didn't allow me to be part of your life. She wouldn't even let me have a photo". Or anything similar.

You're doing it for your ds really.

Also, if your ex is not in contact with people that see you son, when he used to be, he may be feeling alone and very low. Everyone has a breaking point.

Whilst your ex is not your responsibility, your son is, and I wouldn't want to contribute in anyway to his absent dad feeling suicidal or anything.... Sorry, I don't want to be dramatic. It is where my mind goes due to a personal experience.

I would send it.

LittleMissLockdown Fri 18-Dec-20 14:36:43

Also, if your ex is not in contact with people that see you son, when he used to be, he may be feeling alone and very low. Everyone has a breaking point.

I see what you're trying to say but wouldn't the solution to this actually be seeing his child. A picture isn't going to make him less lonely. hmm

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Fri 18-Dec-20 14:36:54

Not a chance, infact I would take great delight in not sending a pic.

BertieBotts Fri 18-Dec-20 14:38:57

So he was getting pictures before via family members you are in touch with? hmm I'd want to know who those people were TBH...

Oh I don't know. I'd probably send it. I'm soft like that and I don't see the harm a picture can do, but it is very cheeky of him to ask yet not actually offer to see him or support him.

RoseMartha Fri 18-Dec-20 14:48:39

Yes I would send it. Because I would need to do the right thing even he didn't.

BlueCowWonders Fri 18-Dec-20 14:55:12

You could always send a picture of when he last saw his child. Out of date but you're complying

CarelessSquid07A Fri 18-Dec-20 14:55:37

Yes send it.

Having not known my Dad even knowing that he had wanted a picture of me at one point would have made a difference to me.

OneRingToRuleThemAll Fri 18-Dec-20 15:00:52

I would be concerned that sending a photo to someone who has no involvement in his life is a compromise to his safety.

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