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If you have childcare help from family...

(17 Posts)
whereisthejoy Fri 18-Dec-20 08:28:33

Do you have a weekly arrangement? How much time do you spend with the family member/s when they are not babysitting?

Talking in a normal pre-covid world here grin

I'm asking because I have the opportunity to take up a part-time (work from home) role in the company I'm currently working with on a contract basis. The local preschool will only take my DC for three hours in the morning, which only helps me for half of one of these part-time days.

I have close family who live half an hour away (they dote on my DC), but I'm conscious not to take the piss in any way - they have said they will help but I'd need this for a few hours 3x afternoons a week.

Just interested in other peoples' arrangements – how often do you have (free) childcare help from family and how it works for you etc.

Sorry if I've not phrased this very well, I'm not sure how else to do so!

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whereisthejoy Fri 18-Dec-20 09:33:49


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Ginfilledcats Fri 18-Dec-20 09:40:05

Not started yet, but both my DM and my MIL will be having my child one day a week each and the other 3 she'll be in nursery. I anticipate we'll see them weekly/every other week socially too?

If you don't ask you'll never know. Could you maybe find a child minder for some of the hours/days?

YorkshireIndie Fri 18-Dec-20 10:00:41

My sister has my child on a Thursday whilst I work but I live with her. I do not pay her but I pay for things for her

mindutopia Fri 18-Dec-20 10:08:33

I don’t have childcare help from family, but are there other options? Would your family be taking them back to their house? It’s really tough to work with kids around (unless you have a big house and a separate office). I would personally probably consider what other local options there are, childminders, other nurseries, etc.

theruffles Fri 18-Dec-20 12:32:28

My MiL has had my DD since she was 8 months old for a couple of days a week if both DH and I are working, usually 8:30am-5:15pm. DH works p/t and I've rearranged my hours so I get one non working day a week to help with childcare. I'm working from home atm so if MiL has her, it's usually 9am-4:30pm as I've had no commute to deal with. She lives round the corner though so is easier to do drop offs/pick ups. I've always been quite conscious of not taking the mick as MiL is providing us very generously with free childcare so if it's the case that both DH and I are working more than 2 days in a week, I will try and take some leave so MiL doesn't have her more than twice a week. DD is 2 now and while MiL is very fit and sprightly for her age, a toddler is tiring and it can be a long day (especially now she's given up naps!)

I'm expecting DC2 now and my DM has just retired so has offered some help with childcare in the week too when it's needed if her health allows. We're very, very lucky.

crazychemist Fri 18-Dec-20 19:54:13

My DMum took my DD for 2 days a week when she was 1 and 1 day a fortnight when she was 2, and we’d often visit them for an afternoon or at the weekend. 3 afternoons isn’t all that much as long as they are keen. Ideally you’d have someone else you could ask occasionally so that they wouldn’t feel that time was completely blocked out and they couldn’t e.g. go on a 2 week holiday once a year.

Currently my DMum is virtually living with us to help balance DD and newborn twins..... feeling so guilty about that as it’s. So much to ask, but with Covid my parents are our bubble and although we could spread the load we aren’t allowed to. Really looking forward to being able to get other help in to take the pressure off my poor mum.

Lazypuppy Fri 18-Dec-20 20:03:33

My mum has always looks after my dd 2 afternoons a week as she is only in nursery in the mornings. This was agreed when i was pregnant and we sorted the days out when dd was 9 months and i was going back to work.

We do pay her every month to ensure all her costs are covered e.g. food, petrol etc. We've also paid for cot, toys, nappiea etc at her house

hiredandsqueak Fri 18-Dec-20 20:05:48

I have dgs two days a week for dd to work and a day each week for her to have some time to herself so that she can catch up on chores, shop, see friends, have a long bath and watch TV (whatever she wants). Then she and dgs visit on a Saturday for brunch. She's a single mum so feel it's important that she has my support.

whereisthejoy Fri 18-Dec-20 23:11:11

Thanks for all the replies everyone smile

Mum is keen to help but I just feel guilty as she's in her mid 60s (although very sprightly!) - my younger sister (late 30s) is adored by my DD (and vice versa) - she's not worked for years due to health issues so I've been floating the idea of her 'nannying' for some of this time, paid of course.

Been seeing them every 2 or 3 days anyway for as hoc childcare and also because they're our bubble - just want to make sure I get time in with them as well so they never feel 'used'. We recently moved to this area to be closer to them - taking the travel time from 2 hours to just 20/25 mins.

My house is far better set up for childcare so would need them to come here after DD's sleep so literally 2-4 hours in the afternoon - 3 times a week. My office/study area is far away from the living area so that isn't an issue smile

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whereisthejoy Fri 18-Dec-20 23:14:37

*ad hoc childcare, I meant!

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grassisjeweled Fri 18-Dec-20 23:18:33

Hmm. It's a lot to ask. They have to drive there and back (1 hour) then have afternoon at yours, 3 times a week.

I'd expect some sort of pay, tbh, even as a grandmother or sister

Miarara Fri 18-Dec-20 23:29:57

I think ot might be a lot to ask if it's at your house as the can't get on with their own things. My parents have DD 1 day a week, this was agreed when I was pregnant as we all wanted it to feel like a nice day with her rather than a job. If they need to do any errands etc she just goes with them, she also has a sleep over so we get a night off,thats probably every other month so not a really regular thing. She goes to nursery 2 days a week. Pre covid I would usually pop round and see them for a bit on my day off or over the weekend, or might meet my mum for a coffee, or if we were going into town on the day I'm off with DD my mum would sometimes come along then too so I still saw them regularly.
With covid literally door step drop at 8.15, doorstep collection at 4.45.

BackforGood Fri 18-Dec-20 23:45:02

Another who thinks that's a lot to ask too. As has been said, on top of the time looking after your dc, they are traveling for at least an hour a day too (presumably incurring costs for that as well), and, of course, not being in their own home, they can't 'hang out the washing' or 'get on with a bit of weeding', or 'change the beds' or 'put the dinner on' as you would in your own home.

What are your other options ?
A different Nursery?
A childminder?
Does your work need to be done at certain hours, (client facing) or could you get some admin / report writing / data inputting etc done by working some hours in the evening and/or weekends ?
You say it is a part time job, yet your dc goes to pre-school in the mornings and you'd still need them to come over 3 x afternoons a week ?

whereisthejoy Sat 19-Dec-20 12:10:57

The job hours are set in stone and yes, effectively client facing every minute of working. I wish I could choose the hours (in which case would do 9-3ish every day as that would've covered by preschool (they only take her age group for 3 hours in morning) and her long nap.

I am also considering not applying because of how complicated it could become.

I would be able to go with my DD and work from my mum's but it's much more complicated that way as would mean they have to do dinner, bath, bed, and we would have to sleep over (not ideal) given my late evening finish time twice a week.

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momonpurpose Sat 19-Dec-20 18:17:41

My sister watches my daughter a few days a week. I pay her 20 US dollars a day. Sounds small but it adds up

AuntyJack Mon 21-Dec-20 14:31:34

Don't know if this counts as childcare but I take my 2 year old niece out once a week for 2-3 hours, her grandfather (sisters father in law) takes her out on another day of the week for 2-3 hours, and I occasionally take her out at other times if sister has had enough (she also has a baby), or she gets dropped at her grandfather's place. Very occasionally our parents take her out (like once a month or less) but they live an hour away. We all do something together as a family (like go to the zoo or markets) about every second or third weekend and I hang at my sisters place most of a day most weekends. Sister visits our parents or our grandparents (who are too old for solo childcare) about once a month with the kids or just the baby. 2 year old goes to daycare full time.

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