5 year old played too rough at school

[babypeach]

Hello

I’m posting both for advice and if I’m honest sympathy

My 5 year old ds is in reception and up until today has been doing well at settling/getting on in school. Teacher has fed back that he was well behaved etc.

Today I was totally sidelined when I picked him up and I was called aside and told he and another boy had been pushing a child who got hurt.
Ds said he was just playing but the teacher didn’t give me the impression that she thought that and he got an unhappy face stamp (for behaviour that’s not good) so I’m fairly sure the poor boy who got hurt didn’t think it was playing at least at the end. I was gobsmacked! He has never treated another child like that . At nursery he was very shy and only played with a couple of children and since being at school his teacher said he had been quiet but managed to play at break time.

We always model and emphasise gentleness in play and I always tell him to listen to others and to stop if the other person is sad etc but I’ve never had much need to correct him on that sort of behaviour because he’s never done it.
He has been on the receiving end of other children’s rough play before but never been the one doing it.

Don’t get me wrong we have other issues with being over emotional at home especially if he’s tired etc and in terms of reading etc he’s had to work hard but the one thing I’ve never had to worry about was behaviour!

My eldest is just about to leave the school and has quite literally never got anything other than happy faces everyday and is only now starting o be a bit attitudey with me bit I guess that’s hormones!

[babypeach]

Sorry posted far too soon!

Wa going to say I just wondered if anyone else has had this!?

I’ve sat him down and told him it’s not acceptable but he’s very down on himself and keeps saying he’s bad. I tell him he’s not bad but that it was unkind and he should learn from it and behave better in future but I’m
worried it’ll happen again!

Sorry I think I’m just venting really!

Thanks for reading !

[GrumpyRightNow]

Their all still occasionally handsy at 5, they still have really poor impulse control at this age. I wouldn't worry too much

From your description of your DC it sounds like it's unlikely to happen again

[babypeach]

Thanks for the reassurance grumpy. I guess I expect that at that age they might accidentally hurt each other but the fact that the teacher gave him the sad face stamp and spoke to me made me think it was more serious.

I’m hoping he learns from it but yes I think you’re right about impulse control he does struggle with it in other ways like not touching things when I’ve said not to etc.

Hoping it’s a one off though

Thanks again!

[Brickdon]

I wouldn't worry about it. I work with reception children and most of them are like this at some point.

Some children do play rough which we do not allow and the other children see and try to copy. They realise very quickly it's not a good idea.

If you are getting negative feedback constantly then you should worry but not as a one off.

[babypeach]

That’s god to hear brickdon thank you. Am hoping lots of focus on being gentle and not just following others will help!

X

[BluebellsGreenbells]

He’s 5, he’s going to make mistakes and you’re going to correct him skin other his teachers. He knows he did wrong. He knows you and his teacher are unhappy with his behavior.

All those are good points! You would be more worried is he didn’t care and kept doing it .

Move on, tomorrow is a new day.

People learn by mistakes

[babypeach]

Good points bluebells. I think it was just very unexpected but you’re right must move on and hope he’s learnt!

[1stDecember]

The important thing is for him to know he did wrong, even if he doesn't acknowledge it to you.

You are doing well to support how the school have handled it - some parents would just get defensive! But all our "little darlings" do things that need disciplining at some point.

Not me, though. I was perferct

[KickAssAngel]

He's still learning. He can't yet write a PhD thesis, or win an Olympic medal, and you wouldn't expect him to. He's learning behavior just as much as he's learning sports and academic studies. He will actually learn things better if he sometimes makes mistakes and then knows how to correct his behaviour. It's part of growing up and knowing what to do. He knows he did the wrong thing, feels bad about it, and can put it right by showing kindness towards the boy he pushed.
You can talk to him about the positives of this - feeling bad shows that he wants to do better, next time he starts to feel over-excited and wants to push, can he stop himself before he gets to that point? Learning to control impulse and hurtful behaviour is really important, let him know that it's part of the learning that he does at school and talk about how he can do better in the future.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

He's still learning OP and one sad face, or spot on the grey cloud, or whatever behaviour management style is used is really nothing to get wound up about. It's more surprising that your other DC hasn't had one! And it's very common to see behaviour issues popping up at this point in the school year for tinies - they're exhausted.

We always found it useful to only ever have one conversation about a behavioural issue. What happens at school is dealt with at school and stays at school, unless it's major/persistent bad behaviour.

[merryhouse]

Yes, next time he says he's "bad" respond something like "you feel bad about it because you know it wasn't nice for [other child] - so next time you're playing that sort of game you'll remember how this feels and you won't be so rough"

He can learn, not only that he shouldn't be too rough, but also that he can learn from his mistakes and change what he does. He doesn't need to think He's Bad just because he did something that was bad. (On the other hand, he will learn that you haven't told him there there it's okay - which is very tempting when your child is at this point of feeling upset about his guilt!)

[CoffeeSTAT]

This was the exact feedback I got about my similarly aged son and I was a bit shocked but the teacher assured me it was quite normal.

My DS generally wants to hug/wrestle everyone and everything in sight (ie shop mannequins) and I think I'm just used to it. I've been more alert to it since then and hopefully as he matures it will calm down. He is not aggressive but is very physical so we talk a lot about boundaries and accidentally hurting people etc. His sister refuses his hugs every time so that is always a learning point!