20 months in and it’s just not getting easier. I feel on the edge of what I can cope with

[AwkwardAsAllGetout]

You’ll have to forgive me as this is going to seem extraordinarily negative. I have an almost 20 month old who has been angry since the day she was born. We worked out she has a cows milk allergy but I still think something else is going on as she’s way beyond what I consider a normal baby. She’s my fourth. She spent pretty much her first year screaming. In April, just after her first birthday I went to the GP and asked for help, which came in the way of advice to stop breastfeeding and to start antidepressants. That did help ME, as I felt less tied to the sofa with my boobs out constantly as it was at that point the only way to calm her. Stupidly I stopped taking the antidepressants after a few months. But she still spends most days miserable, ear splitting screams and throwing herself about. We are under a consultant that we’ve seen a few times but it’s very obvious she thinks I’m neurotic and that we indulge dd. Dd still won’t really eat much. I have a 12 year old with autism and the longer this goes on the more my alarm bells are ringing. I first suspected at abojt this age, but again no professional would take me seriously. Having gone through the last soul destroying decade getting his diagnosis, ehcp and special school placement I am well used to professionals not taking me seriously.
I feel at the end of what I can cope with. Dh is doing all he can but tbh he’s not the most patient and when he’s tired he snaps which makes me on edge too. I’m pretty sure I’m depressed and I’m constantly questioning my marriage and am fighting an urge to constantly just walk out on everyone. My 12 year old is the only thing that stops me tbh. The others would cope without me but he couldn’t.

[Doublebubblebubble]

Please OP dont beat yourself up. Its not an ideal time but do you have anyone who can take her just so that you can have a break for a couple of hours?

Also, please speak to your drs about antidepressants. I dont have experience of having a child with autism/spectrum but I have a child with health issues. If you are concerned about your child that is legitimate and they shouldnt fob you off. You know your child better than them. Its kind of disheartening that they acted as they did.

Have you spoken to your health visitor at all? That may be a good port of call if you havent.

[pjani]

Sounds incredibly tough. What will help you cope? Sounds like going back on antidepressants might, what else? Can you put her in childcare, or up her hours? Get more childcare for your other children?

[AwkwardAsAllGetout]

Honestly, I need time away from her. The whole Covid situation hasn’t helped obviously but it’s no exaggeration that I’ve barely put her down since she was born. She’ll only nap in the buggy or on me so I get no time in the house when I can actually get on with things and I find that incredibly stressful. A day to myself would be amazing. And sleep. I haven’t slept properly since pregnancy, I still have terrible weakness in my back and hips since then and I just can’t sleep. We have a video call with her consultant this week so I’m hoping to stick to my guns. Dh is off that day too so he can help in that respect. I’d feel bad putting her in nursery as I worry that she’d be so difficult that they’d struggle with her and she’d be unhappy. Obviously I have no way of knowing without actually trying, but I’d feel happier putting her in nursery once she can talk. One of the big similarities with my son is that she clearly understands more than she can say. I think a lot of her issue is frustration but it still doesn’t explain the screaming. She screams as soon as she wakes up, taking at least ten minutes to calm down.

[Angliski]

Mctimoney Chiropractics or cranial osteopathy might be worth looking into - sometimes they benefit from a small remedial adjustment - birth can leave some babies a bit uncomfortable?