I'm failing both of them

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I have a son who is just gone 2 and a 5 week old daughter.

My son has gone from high maintenance but lovely to defiant - he hits, screams, throws food. He now screams at bedtime. He has.no concentration and will ask for something over and over again even when I'm offering it to him.

DD will not sleep anywhere but the sling during the day. I tried to swaddle her and rock her today whilst DS wasn't childcare but she just screamed. It means I cant put her down at all. She is literally in it all day. Trying to lift DS whilst he is throwing a tantrum whilst trying to keep her alseep is horrible.

This evening i was trying to change his nappy. I picked him up.and.he there his head back, hitting me in the face.I said 'Jesus'which he followed with 'Christ'. Then screeched a lot.

I'm failing both of them. I cant even get a newborn to sleep.

[Temporary1234]

Breath. Had similar age difference. Things are tough during lockdown.

Now they’re 1 and almost 3, abd things are easier.

I did learn to navigate through their different phases but allow urself to take it a day at a time or a month at a time or a phase at a time.

The first few months, I placed my attention mainly on the older one. New game/toy every two or so weeks to occupy him. While baby in a sling.

The outdoors were great help so he can be busy with other kids while I adjusted to baby. But I appreciate this might be hard now, give it few months to adjust!

[BumbleNova]

No advice - just solidarity. I have a two year old who is currently screaming the house down because he doesn't want to go to bed and my nearly 3 week old is also screaming.

I'm covered in milk. Physically and emotionally exhausted! Where is the 🍷

[Temporary1234]

One the little one gets into a bit of a routine you might feel a bit more in control ladies. Give it till about 3/4 months. Until then, do whatever it takes to make life easy. And breath breath breath.

[Mintjulia]

You aren't failing anyone but you're being unreasonably hard on yourself.

Your 2yo is dealing with having to share you. Your little one is happiest snuggled up against you. All sounds normal.

Have you any help? A partner or mum, sister maybe, who can distract the older one occasionally. Your ds will get used to it eventually.

[SuperSleepyBaby]

This sounds very normal with children that age!

[user1493413286]

My 2 year old was an absolute nightmare for the first few weeks after DS was born; it was hard but it did get better. The first few weeks are the hardest but it won’t be like this forever or even too much longer

[ImFree2doasiwant]

Totally normal OP. You're not failing. It gets easier. It gets harder, different harder,then easier. And repeat. It seems a million miles away now I'm snuggled between my 3 and 5 yr olds, 19 month age gap, watching a DVD.

Will the baby go in the pushchair? Does he have a dummy ,(lifesaver for me) I felt very guilty as my first was never left to cry. I had him in the sling, my arms, whatever. The second, well just had to cry sometimes.

[IntoP20]

@BumbleNova No advice - just solidarity. I have a two year old who is currently screaming the house down because he doesn't want to go to bed and my nearly 3 week old is also screaming.

I'm covered in milk. Physically and emotionally exhausted! Where is the 🍷

Yet here you are, on your phone, on mumsnet

[rottiemum88]

Yet here you are, on your phone, on mumsnet  

Oh do fuck off @IntoP20. Take it you never just needed to take a couple of minutes to yourself?

[riddles26]

Similar age gap but 2 years ahead. You are not failing either of them. Its been a big change for you all and doing it in lockdown is unimaginably hard. Theyre both warm, fed and loved. Take each day at a time, spend time with your toddler when you can. It will pass and it definitely gets easier

[IntoP20]

@rottiemum88 Oh do fuck off @IntoP20** good point, well made

[Temporary1234]

IntoP20

You sound unkind.

There, is that a good point ?

[Goodebe]

Solidarity from me... it’s hard - I regularly shove them both in the double buggy screaming if necessary and just walk out... breathe and smile through it.

[IntoP20]

@Temporary1234 I don’t think there’s anything unkind about being bemused that someone would actually be on Mumsnet while their distressed toddler and newborn are both crying. I suppose we all have different parenting standards

[Temporary1234]

IntoP20

You’re right. You’re not unkind. Just have limited experience and imagination.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

@IntoP20 please stop derailing my thread.

Baby been awake for 3 hrs now. I dont know whats wrong with her - I feel so helpless

[Magicpaint]

@OhToBeASeahorse Hi I hope you don't think I'm being silly but just a checklist, Hungry?
Bottom change?
Hot/Cold?
Do you have a husband, partner to help you?
My LO struggled and I read somewhere, keep the room dark and swaddle and just hold them until they fall asleep. No singing or rocking just quiet and being close to you, with a clean bottom and a full tum

[Temporary1234]

I’m sure you are doing everything that you can

Sometimes babies as you might remember go through those phases because their brains are over active before they learn the next milestone, and so they struggle to sleep.

If she is just awake then that’s fine. If she is screaming then it could be colic/ witching hours.

I remember my 2, were like this until 8/12 weeks . I relied heavily on the support of other mums in the area.

I needed someone to keep me sane and keep telling me that things are fine and it’s not me. I needed someone else to be looking out for my baby and not just carry that burden alone when my brains are shutting down from sleep deprivation.

It must be incredibly lonely to do it alone. I hope you have some real life support. It will get easier soon, hold on tight.

For your toddler, give him a baby toy with a dummy and get him to copy what you are doing with the baby. Mimicking you and even putting diapers on the baby and cream and powder and all of that will make him feel involved.

Pretend to be reading your baby a story and give him a book to read to his baby.

[OhToBeASeahorse]

Thanks everyone for the tips.

I'll try the quiet no rocking.

I have a DH who helps a lot but baby isnt interested much atm!!