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New mum - fussy baby, need advice!(35 Posts)
Hey! New to this!
I'm a new mum, my newborn girl is 4 weeks old, almost 5.
She sleeps in our room in a next to me crib. Since she was around a week old, she started making grunting noises at night, lifting her legs up to her chest like she was almost straining for a poop. (She does it so often though that I don't think it can be straining, seems to be more discomfort in her tummy). This wakes her up and even if it doesn't, it keeps me and my husband awake because you're constantly hearing her and trying to take away any discomfort.
We've been back and forward to (different) doctors and they first thought it was reflux. Prescribed gaviscon but it made her really constipated, so they stopped that. They then prescribed similac milk incase she had an intolerance to cow & gate - no change. Then we went back to cow & gate with carobel milk thickener and they now think it's "just colic and she will grow out of it". Told us to use infacol/colief instead for wind. They've also suggested that babies are just noisy at night etc
I do maybe think it's wind, but I'm at my wit's end here. She's gotten to the point where she's uncomfortable all of the time. The only real time she's relaxed is when she's worn herself out or finds a comfy spot (me holding her). Obviously it's hard enough with a newborn, but I'm getting no more than a couple of hours of sleep and my husband is back at work. I'm having to sleep with her on the floor in her nursery so she doesn't keep him awake.
Has anyone had a similar experience? I feel like something is going on with her but that I keep getting fobbed off - or maybe she is fine and that this is just 'what babies do'.
Just looking for some advice or experiences you might have had. Thanks!
Have you tried different techniques for winding her and holding her upright for a while after feeds? It's very normal for very young babies to be loud sleepers and for them to only want to sleep on you. Just wanted to highlight the SIDS risk of having them sleep in a separate room at such a young age - guidance is to keep them in with you until 6 months. Try taking it in shifts with your husband - mine would stay up with DD until late and then take over. Now she's 1 (and still not sleeping through!) he'll take her downstairs early morning to play if she's up and I need more sleep. Hope you find some solutions that work for you.
Ignore me if I've misunderstood and you're taking her into the nursery with yourself rather than staying in your room and waking up your husband! My DH is still in the spare room so we all get some sleep (even though DD is now in the nursery on her own!)
Is the grunting and lifting legs up after a feed? If so, sounds like she needs winding.
I'm having exactly the same with my 2 week old though it's usually about an hour after he's fed maybe 2. It disturbs him but he seems to sleep through it although is very wriggly and jolty and brings his knees up with lots of grunting as you say. I've found a swaddle helps. He's also quite hard to wind properly. I try for seemingly ages sometimes, different positions and techniques and sometimes don't get any wind up at all. I think babies are snuffly and loud sleepers anyway but I'd be inclined to think that so long as she's been winded properly, and she's not upset about it, you could try bicycling her legs, or let her let her body work out the wind herself if she's not too unhappy.
I'm a first time mum to a 2 week old though so I'm sure someone else with much more knowledge will be along soon, but you're not alone
to you, OP.
I think, seeing as you have had your daughter checked out, you may just have to put it down to "something she does". Babies are all different, my friends and I have all had at least one baby that could have been described as 'fussy', 'tricky' or 'high needs' without anything actually being the matter. Just really tiring, worrying and frustrating at the time.
If I were you, I would focus on getting as much sleep as you can. The old adage "Sleep when they're sleeping" is so true. When you are a bit more rested, you feel less desperate and less inclined to worry. It can be a bit of a slog, but for now, lower your standards of house keeping and cooking, stuff any expectations of what you think you should be doing to keep home and hearth ticking over, and just focus on snatching bits of sleep here and there. A new kind of normal, for now. Your DD is tiny, and things change so quickly when they're little. Your DP should ideally get behind this completely so you don't feel like you have to keep a perfect house "...because you're on maternity leave!" and let you focus on rest, give you respite from DD when he comes home and get used to sandwiches, tinned soup and frozen pizza in a messy house for the next few months, while singing your praises to the skies and thanking God it's not him who sleeps on the nursery floor and snatches scraps of sleep through the day. Unless he's prepared to swap, and nurture your baby with the same grace, gentleness and generosity you do, he wears the Undying Gratitude t-shirt all day, every day.
Take heart, OP, this phase won't last forever. Wishing you strength and trust that it gets easier.
Oh, and rethink your sleeping arrangements. You need to be able to be really cosy and comfortable at night, if parts of it are going to be waking. Explore separate bedrooms if it means the overall quota of sleep in your household goes up (and the anxiety of waking the 'working parent' goes down).
I have a 7 week old who is pretty much the same OP. He's my third and I can honestly say I've never met a noisier baby!
He grunts and snorts and kicks around, particularly when he's meant to be sleeping and it keeps me awake too.
He's definitely a windy baby too. He seems to be full of air!
No real advice I'm afraid but it will pass & it is normal & I feel your pain - I'm now on the sofa (again!) after failing to settle him.
The grunting, thrashing and noise is completely normal at this stage. It's almost like they realise they have a digestive system.
Can I suggest that if you have social media, you join some of the Facebook communities out there? In the absence of baby groups and health visitor drop ins, it's been really difficult as a new mum to figure out what's normal. Happy mum happy baby is a good start. There's lots of breastfeeding ones if you're doing that. Happy for you to PM me if you want some pointers.
Regarding having your baby in her own room - the WHO recommend that the baby sleeps (naps and nighttime) in the same room as their caregivers until 6 months at least. Have a look at the "safe sleep seven" if you plan to bed share.
Things change very quickly at this stage and there's lots that seems very strange and not normal, but totally are. You're doing an amazing job following your instincts and getting her checked out.
I have a 10 week old, third baby who is very grunty and wriggly. She is growing out of it now. Google infant dyschezia, could it be this? If so, perfectly normal, doesn’t need treatment and they grow out of it
Sounds perfectly normal to me but DD sounded like a warthog for months - they have to learn how to deal with their digestive systems, it's a funny time. She probably needs a good fart but hasn't worked out how to push and relax the muscles at the same time.
You do need to review your sleeping arrangements though - you can't be sleeping on the floor with a newborn while your husband gets the nice big bed. Chuck him out to the spare room or the sofa.
Thank you all for your messages! Gives me some comfort that this is normal... I'll just have to prepare for no sleep 😂😭
Just to clarify too - she sleeps in our room with us, but I take her into her room with me and put her in her Moses basket and I sleep on the floor. This is just because I want my husband to get some sleep, he's not asked me to do that. We're going to change that tonight though, I need more comfort for the 40 mins I get each night 😩
Thanks for the advice I've taken it all on board - I do think it's wind, it's just that it never goes!
What's everyone's opinion on gripe water (if used?) And infacol/colief?
Infacol, osteopathy, lots of different burping techniques and warm baths have been are savour! Sling and long walks. Also, this is my third child so my letdown is very harsh and my baby gulps down more air. I have to be strong about burping her before continuing to feed.
From my experience it will get better by beginning of 4 months. Their digestion is so underdeveloped.
Try a probiotic made for babies. My GS had horrific colic until a paediatrician suggested it and all the problems disappeared within 2 hours (not kidding!). We called them his miracle drops.
Definitely try some wind remedies but be aware that this is probably not 'wind' as such, just the fact that they have an immature digestive system and therefore there may not be anything you can do except for wait for them to grow out of it. I know it's a pain and as a parent your instinct is to try anything to fix it, but it's just one of those things unfortunately! My baby was the same and it started to get a lot better by 10 weeks.
Thanks for clarifying OP and apologies for my lack of comprehension in my sleep deprived state
I remember holding mine upright for 20-30 minutes after feeds to help with wind. I tried taking her off and winding her and then back on to comfort suck to sleep, hold upright for a bit and then slide her over to sleep ninja-style. Sometimes it worked?! I never found gripe water or infacol helpful but I was using them when she was a bit older and it was silent reflux so they did bugger all. Could be worth a try though? Definitely reclaim your room and agree a time with DH for him to hold baby in between feeds so you get some sleep where you're not just waiting for the next one!
It does pass and get easier - sleep can still be elusive here but I'm definitely getting more of it than the early days!
Sorry OP, I misread one of the other replies.
Infacol is certainly worth a go. It helped for us for a few months, then we were prescribed gaviscon and then omeprazole, which solved the issue completely. She stopped needing the omeprazole when we weaned at 6 months.
Hi OP, my daughter is 3 (nearly 4) weeks and is very similar.
Starting with her just grunting, passing gas, leg thrashing, arch back, whimpering, gurgling stomach 60-90minutes after a feed at night. I was advised it’s just “her thing” and to be patient. But the night routine, started to become all day nap routine too, and every feed. The whimpers became screams. It will be completely settled and wake up with a harsh sharp cry, and won’t soothe. She has diarrhoea too.
I use infacol with every feed and that has helped a bit. Tried the gaviscon, but like you it just made her constipated. We are now on the hydrolysed milk, and I’ve seen a slight improvement, and when she starts screaming / whimpering is easier to settle, less bottom wind too. Previously she was in cow and gate too.
How long was you on the milk for? Did they try dairy allergy too? That’s my GPS next step. Is this just at night? Or after every feed? Is it delayed reaction?
I too hope she (they both) grow out of it, but some nights I just feel useless. I’m on my own too, so no rest bite from it.
I could of written your post, my little girl is 5 weeks today and does everything you described, I’m yet to find anything that helps, picking up some gavison today but feel she already looks like she struggles to poo so probably just going to make that situation worse! Have no advice but your not alone, sleep deprivation is real, and definitely feel like I can’t cope anymore on a nightly basis regularly meltdowns by me 🙈, probably because I can’t sleep when she naps and she makes so much noise all night and I’m a light sleeper. Hope you find a solution soon or they grow out of it fast! Or hope someone can help us both x
Thanks again for replies! I'd reply individually but trying to squeeze these in whilst I can
@DressingGown87 she does the noises in the night and in the day she pulls her legs up and cries. She's getting more and more irritable with it bless her!!
We didn't try the milk for very long to be honest, because a different Dr to the one who prescribed it suggested moving back to normal milk with thickener, because she didn't feel it is an allergy/intolerance.
Erm, sometimes we get one sleep where she's been fed, falls asleep and has a good few hours (usually in the day) and doesn't make the noises. Every other time is after a feed but it's usually a good hour/hour and a half after.
Like now, she's been fed 3 hours ago and had a sleep in a sling on me, now she's lying on my lap trumping and going red in the face crying.
Might be worth noting she also only poops once every other day which drs have said is normal!
I've spoke to 7 different drs in less than 5 weeks, all of which have said different. One even said colic doesn't exist so infacol is just a money making machine and another said that's ridiculous. Can't keep up!
Sounds though like this is just newborn normality though, so I guess just ride it out! (I'm trying infacol at the moment but will see)
Yeah @LST87 that's my problem, I can't sleep through the noises so it literally is me being awake until next feed, with maybe a 15 minute doze off in between. Hope gaviscon works for you 😩 I can't say it did for us but we were trying to treat reflux which I don't think she's got.
Well I guess it's just hold out for her growing out of it 😂 really appreciate everyone's replies and advice/suggestions.
My 6 week old is the same, unfortunately I think this is just something some babies do, my DS is so noisy!
He always seems full of air. I found using infacol and colief together helps with wind a lot. He is still gassy but at nearly 7 weeks I feel like he is farting a lot more and getting rid of gas that end, he grunts a lot when doing this, but we seem to have a lot less tummy aches now. I think you just have to wait it out and it will get better in time.
@LST87 just wanted to see how you were getting on?
We're now on prescribed similac milk which I'm unsure if it's doing anything or if it's the carobel thickener with coleif. At the moment - touch wood - she's alot better! Not sure if any of those would help you? She still does the noises sometimes when she's really struggling with wind but we've seen a huge difference in her wind since using coleif xx
My LO is 7 weeks and has suffered with exactly the same, he's now on normal cow and gate formula (he wouldn't take to the comfort formula) we make the bottle roughly 30 mins in advance and leave the colief to work it's magic and give him gaviscon 3 x a day. If he's insisting on a bottle straight away and we haven't got time for the colief to stand then we use gripe water and that seems to work well. He's improved massively over the past couple weeks, he still grunts but I've since learnt that it's not always in discomfort it's just because he's found his voice haha!
The doctors told me that he'll either grow out of it or it could point to an intolerance later down the line. It's all a guessing game! Good luck! Xxx
@EOP2020x we are still no better off, currently sat up with a moaning baby have been since 12.30. Whatever I do doesn’t work, we’ve been trying gaviscon not sure it’s making any major difference does make the gurgling gulping reflux noise slightly better. But she still literally doesn’t shut up all night with straining groaning and throwing herself around and just isn’t comfortable, doctors don’t seem to want to know but I’m at my wits end! We are now nearly completely on formula which gives me a bit of a break occasionally but not sure what to try next.
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