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Am I a horrible mum?!

(14 Posts)
legalseagull Sun 08-Nov-20 20:10:37

I have a 2 year old and an 18 month old (14 month gap) They are both so loved and much wanted, but fucking hell I'm struggling. I'm realll really not enjoying life at the minute. My days in work are the best days of the week at the minute. Then I feel guilty because I don't want to feel like that. Youngest just whinges allllll day. Eldest fights for attention and non stop says "carry me". I can't sit down without both climbing on me. I can't eat without them taking food from my plate. I can't hear myself think through the whingey child clinging to my legs. I can't even walk from one room to another without literally dragging a child. I had to stop, mid poo, this morning because they were both screaming so much to come in. Even without lockdown we have no support. Family are all hours away. DH is feeling similar. I've had enough. I have to stop myself from pushing them off me. I shout at them. We have good times too but outweighed by the bad.
Relationship with DH is going down the drain as I'm feeling so fed up.
Please tell me it gets better.

OP’s posts: |
peakotter Sun 08-Nov-20 20:14:49

It gets better.

18mo to 3 is my least favourite age. And then I forget and have another!

We do turn about with the kids in the evening. That helps my sanity.

Are you entitled to any nursery for the older one? Otherwise don’t feel bad about curling up in front of the tv and using your phone for a while.

Got to go and get the toddler off the radiator. It gets better. Really.

legalseagull Sun 08-Nov-20 20:17:39

They're in nursery whilst I work but we can't afford to have them off whilst I'm home. There's no let up because they won't even allow me to just sit and chill for half an hour. I know it's what toddlers are like and I should have known when I chose to have two close together, but it's just horrible at the minute.
Thank you for saying it gets better

OP’s posts: |
JanetPudding Sun 08-Nov-20 20:18:36

It does get better because most of the time I enjoy being around my 4.5yr old. The 2.5yr old is still very hard work. Having two small kids at the same time is tough, and the age gap you have is even tougher.

It's trite to say but you will look back fondly on these times and forget the struggle and remember the happiness of these small people in your life.

You just have to get through it first!

Mrsbclinton Sun 08-Nov-20 20:21:53

It gets so much easier I promise.

Under 3s are such hard work, so physically and emotionally demanding. Its smothering at times. You will get through it.

legalseagull Sun 08-Nov-20 20:29:24

Smothering is a good way to describe it. Thank you. I wish I could fast forward. I feel like I'm going mad. I'm fed up. Angry. I hear kids crying when they're not crying - when I'm trying to go to sleep is always fun!

OP’s posts: |
MavisMonkey Sun 08-Nov-20 20:29:28

It definitely gets better, in my opinion you're at the worst of it at the moment! With both of mine I didn't enjoy that stage much at all. I remember almost crying with relief when I managed to get my 2 up to sit and watch Peppa pig for 30 mins non stop so that I could go to the toilet in peace, and I loved going to work for a break. Soon your 2yo will start becoming a bit more independent and life will begin to get a bit easier.

Tricky at the moment but play dates were my saviour as somehow it just seemed easier when I had another mum to chat to. I also found that being out of the house with a toddler was much easier than staying at hone for some reason. Lots of walks in the woods, playground visits and soft plays (when they reopen). I would try to do something each day I wasn't working as it kept me sane.

I know it's really hard at the moment but having them close together means you get it done at once. I had a 3 year gap with mine and felt like I didn't sit down for 6 years as one or the other was in the toddler phase!!

Try to take it in turns with DH to take them out so the other one gets some time at home to chill. And wine in the evening always helps smile

katmarie Sun 08-Nov-20 20:41:20

Op I have a one year old and an almost 3 year old, 3 in January. I find weekends relentless at the moment and sometimes feel like I spend more time telling children off than enjoying them. No advice, just a handhold.

Coriandersucks Sun 08-Nov-20 20:46:25

It definitely gets better. And whilst someone said above you will cherish these moments when you look. Ask on them - the chances are you won’t even remember them!

16 months between my two and the first couple of years were a blur. Now they’re 3 and 2, play beautifully together and me and dp can actually have a hot coffee and a conversation whilst they play.

It is so tough don’t be hard on yourself, this stage is just about survival.

legalseagull Sun 08-Nov-20 21:16:45

Play dates were my saviour but they're now out. I take them out every day but there's only so many places we can go. If I take them anywhere too open, like the woods, they just bugger off in different directions. God I love them so much but I wish I could just have a week off grin I'm praying this time next year (week!) it'll be a different story

OP’s posts: |
MavisMonkey Sun 08-Nov-20 23:25:57

It's amazing isn't it how you can love them so much whilst they are pushing you to breaking point. I clearly remember sitting on the floor by my daughters cot one night, sleep deprived and at my wits end and crying to my DH that I loved her so much but I kind of hated her too, and he looked at me like I was the most evil person in the world. He just didn't get it. So I told him, in detail how hard it was, and then went away for 4 days by myself and he got a dose of reality. And to be fair he's always been really good, but mostly the default was always for the kids to want me, to climb all over me, to tantrum with me etc- like you're having it!
I really feel for you OP as a lot of the usual things that help aren't available at the moment, and this second time round in lockdown seems harder than the first with the cold and dark. That's probably contributing to the smothering feeling as well. By the sounds of it you're doing amazingly well thanks
The other thing that helped me was just letting a lot of my standards drop during that period- I stopped beating myself up if they had screens each day, i didn't worry if we had ready meals most nights and I got a cleaner so I didn't have to worry about keeping the house clean. The cleaner seemed like a real indulgence but it was a life saver.

Aria999 Wed 11-Nov-20 00:32:42

Are they old enough to concentrate on iPad/ tv? Too much screen time is a pandemic lifeline for us, not great and I feel bad but helps us get through

Aria999 Wed 11-Nov-20 00:33:12

And no you're not a horrible mum

MollyBloomYes Wed 11-Nov-20 00:43:36

I still shudder when I remember the summer of horror when I had an 18 month old and a just turned 3 year old (but autistic so developmentally younger). Oh god it was horrible. I was a SAHM single mum, I'd been working in childcare for billions of years and early years is my bloody speciality (and disabilities) and STILL it was grim. I don't think I felt like a better mum until I finally got a part time job. Feel like an even better one now it's full time and they're (finally) both in school.

It's not you. Promise. That age can be really cute but also incredibly wearying. They are gorgeous little things but also egotistical terrors who are only happy if they're actively trying to climb back inside. Plus sticky and smelly about 90% of the time. I've rediscovered my love for that age group now that I'm just working with their families rather than having to parent them (and have forgotten it enough to wistfully think of having another one) but honestly honestly it's not you. The very fact you're worrying about it means you're not a rotten mum. Toddlers are just...a lot. And that's without a pandemic and lockdown to contend with. I know they're really hard to come by but take whatever break you can, even if it's just buying a really nice shower gel to use once they're in bed. They age out of it eventually.

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