Hi,
I’m new to mumsnet but follow this website for lots of advice! I really can’t find any answers for my situation as I think it’s an unusual situation!
I’m a married bio mum of 1 DD & step mum to 2 lovely DSD’s. I’ve been with my now husband since the girls were 1 & 5 that was 6 years ago!
I’m very very concerned about my DSD’s & feel no one is listening. My husband & ex do not get on so I liaise in the middle I have a good relationship with the mum she has lots of mental health problems & with my health care background I feel I am both supportive & understanding ... I help out as much, I do dentist visits & opticians alongside my husband as unfortunately she had not registered them with either... mum has many different relationships which are usually short & volatile... the girls adore their mum & we do our best to support her & have the girls 3/4 nights a week on top of this we sort out school trips & uniform & meals & pay maintenance my husband is fantastic.
My concerns are escalating however around the 11 year old, the 8 year old spends the majority of her time at her grandmas so I’m not fully concerned about her. The 12 year old appears very unkempt in appearance greasy hair sweaty & unclean clothes ... she states her mum does not buy her deodorant so I bought some for home & have started doing her washing whilst she is here & sending her home clean however this has made little difference .. she didn’t even have a tooth brush at home so I sent her home with that too...she seems to be out of control with school & I feel mum cannot/will not address these issues... she had no parental locks on her phone and had been accessing porn & other inappropriate content therefore I put locks on it her mum seemed unbothered by this .. I had a chat with her about love & relationships & how porn is not a representation of this ... she’s skipping a lot of school since starting secondary school we are getting calls from the school saying no one has called to say why she isn’t in ... mum doesn’t tell us if she is ill & ignores our phone calls or lies & says she’s ill when she isn’t ... she also encourages 11 year old to lie ... she is very behind at school & has hardly any friends she’s very secretive when here & we’ve had many chats with bio mum who says all the right things about keeping us informed of any issues & doing more but never does... I’m keen to keep a good relationship with her but I can’t continue to turn a blind eye to the bigger picture. 11 year old also been swearing on social media told by us to stop & has continued to do so... she stays up past midnight at home & has to go to bed by 10 here so is starting not to want to come as we have boundaries & rules... both girls are very keen to stay with mum & not live here.
I’m at a loss what to do???! I feel I’ve done everything I can to support & engage mum but now I feel my DSD Is suffering with her education & in a way she is neglecting them .. I do not believe she is doing this on purpose but either way the children are suffering.
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Step mum at a loss!!
8 replies
OTaboutOT · 03/11/2020 18:21
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