Feel like I’m failing as a mum

[2020inanutshell]

Please can someone give me some advice here? I’m a mother to an 18month old who has hated sleep since the day she was born. Shes a bright and funny little girl but is extremely strong willed and seems to get more difficult every week.
She is so fussy with food at the moment she barely eats anything at all and this has been the case for about 6 weeks now. I offer her a variety of healthy foods three times a day plus snacks but the only thing she ever eats is cheese and perhaps some pasta. Then there’s the sleep. She wakes up at 4am every single day, for the day. There are many days where she wakes up at 3am for the day, including this morning. I feel like I’ve tried everything, shortening naps, changing bed time to a little bit later, leaving her to try and settle herself, laying with her in her room, bringing her in to my bed and yet nothing works. She does not sleep later than this no matter what I try. I just feel like a failure. She’s grumpy most days and very hard work because I assume she’s constantly hungry and tired. I’m a single parent so this really takes it’s toll on my mental health starting my day in the middle of the night. She stays with her dad every other weekend which is a welcome rest but it doesn’t make the time in between any easier to deal with!
I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong here and I feel shit about the fact that she is ratty because she’s not getting enough food or sleep and I should know as her mum how to fix this but I don’t.
I just don’t know what to try anymore to help this situation.
Thanks for reading I’d you’ve got this far.

[FippertyGibbett]

They pick up on stress so try not to stress over the food. Is there anything that she would eat lots of if you let her ? Also, have you tried not giving snacks to see if she is more hungry then ?
What naps does she have in the day ?
What do you do to tire her out in the day and does she go to nursery ?

[2020inanutshell]

The only thing she eats lots of is cheese. Everything else she changes her mind with daily which is why I try and offer a selection at meal times to help her find something she may like. I haven’t tried not giving snacks as I worry she will be getting next to nothing if she doesn’t have them but it could be worth a try if she may eat more that way. She goes to soft plays, childminder two days a week, we go out for walks, she goes to a gymnastics club for babies one day a week, plays in the garden, plenty of toys, drawing, painting.

[2020inanutshell]

I have also researched apparently giving them supper can help them sleep longer such as weetabix before bed which I may try but I have a feeling she will refuse this seeing as she’s not a big eater. Has anyone tried this method?

[OverTheRainbow88]

She sounds very very similar to my son who is 20 months old. No advice really but solidarity and a hand hold. It’s tough.
My son also fights everything- wearing shoes, teeth brushing, pushes other kids, hits... I’m
Hoping he’ll be the most chilled happy teenager!!

[2020inanutshell]

@OverTheRainbow88
Yes! Teeth brushing, hitting, shoes - I have problems with all of those too.
I feel your pain!

[BeHereNowx32]

@2020inanutshell my DD is 19 months, but a month or so ago, she was waking at 4am. I saw a technique online. She was put to bed 2 hours later than her usual bedtime, and make sure she is awake at 6:30am the next morning. It resets their body clock, and she started to sleep closer to 6am after this. I know sleep training isn’t for everyone, but this did work for us. I also find that if she has a good 2 hour nap and then goes to bed 6:45 (opposed to later), she will sleep better. Good luck!

Supposedly there is an 18 month sleep regression, so you could see if it fixes itself..

I don’t have much advice with food. My DD loves snacks and isn’t too keen veg etc, I just keep offering. And I make sure she gets a daily multivitamin.

It made me feel like I was doing something wrong too, but lots of 18 months do seem to go through these things.

[Gooseybby]

Mine went through a cheese-and-egg phase while very young. I figured she just needed the protein and went with it. I think you're safe to drop the snacks and buffet, cheese is very high calorie and nutritious; it'll see her through.

Then mine went off cheese and eggs completely! She has only just begun to eat a tiny bit of cheese and NO eggs, mummy!!!