My LB is 15 weeks and EBF. I can safely say they have been the worst 15 weeks of my life. His birth was very traumatic and then he had the full house of ‘high needs, difficult newborn’ attributes:
- 12 weeks of horrendous colic, with hours upon hours of screaming.
- Tongue tie and feeding difficulties, leading to weight loss and the stress of triple feeding.
- Confirmed CMPA on diet challenge with awful reflux.
- Fought every nap and will only sleep either on the boob or in the sling.
I just thought we were beginning to turn a corner at the 13 week mark. He got into a napping routine (albeit still attached to me!), the screaming drastically reduced and his tummy got better. We had 2 weeks of a smiley, well rested baby, who’s personality began to shine.
That all went away last week and the next fresh hell reared it’s head. He’s become a perpetual fusspot from dawn until dusk. He’s back to fighting every nap and will only sleep for 30 mins at a time. Nothing me or his dad do seems to be correct. He’s not screaming now at least, but the entire backdrop to our day is him fussing or crying. I assume this is the 4 month fussy/sleep regression spell.
I love him fiercely and the thought of anything bad happening to him or him not being here kills me. But equally (and horrendously selfishly) I feel I have ruined my life. I’m deep in depression and PTSD. I miss my job (which I loved), I can’t face calling my friends and my family. I honestly think if you offered me the chance with hindsight I would have never fallen pregnant. I literally do not understand how anyone has more than one child. I couldn’t put myself through this again in a million years.
I’m not really sure what I’m hoping to achieve with this post. Maybe solidarity, maybe a virtual kick up the backside, maybe hope that it will get better, maybe a reality check that it won’t. If you’ve been in a similar boat though I’d love to hear from you. Thanks x