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Toddler upset about new sibling(8 Posts)
Our 3 yr old DC has completely changed since we brought home a new baby last week.
She's generally a bit sad and now and then just bursts out crying for no reason. She's said openly she doesn't like or want the baby, can the baby go back etc and has questioned why the baby is in her room or using her blanket.
We've now stopped the use of anything that used to be hers but really concerned about how her demeanour has changed from happy to very serious and thoughtful. She's actually said she is feeling sad and upset. Making conscious efforts to show more attention but it only works temporarily
Any tips on how to make this better?
Hoping it won't last but it's heartbreaking to see her like this
She's just getting used to the change and expressing her emotions. It'll all seem normal soon. Why not look back at her baby photos together? Do lots of 'then you were small and now you have grown a little bigger'. And lots of 'I was so happy when you were born and I am so happy with baby'. And lots of 'now you are 3 I love you even more and you make me so proud'. Maybe drawings of the family - don't react if she expresses anger or sadness, just say 'you're feeling sad, let's give you a cuddle' or 'you're feeling jealous, lets think about what baby needs and about what you need'. Good luck!
Also I used to do a lot of reading to dd1 while feeding dd2, or sit squashed up in her playhouse feeding dd2 while she played.
Although to be fair we just realised the other night that dd1 is charming and lovely and very kind and fair and reasonable to everyone in the world EXCEPT dd2, so maybe don't listen to me 😂. I THINK they love each other really but it's definitely a sibling thing.
I used to involve toddler and let her "help" as much as possible with baby. The 3 of us would have quiet cuddle times when I was feeding the baby, with omething nice on the tv and drinks and snacks for me and the toddler. We bought her a Baby Annabel so we could have a baby each, but she just wanted the real one.
Make sure you set aside some 1-1 time for her and that she knows it's a priority. Occasionally prioritize her over the baby and talk about it (even if the baby doesn't really need anything' 'you'll have to wait, baby, I'm busy doing this for dd right now'
Also make sure she knows it's ok to feel how she's feeling. There's a lot of pressure on a sibling to be happy about the baby but in reality it's a big shock followed by months of hard work. That doesn't mean they don't love them.
Why is the baby in her room? Baby should be in with you for at least 6 months unless you're all in one room? Though I don't think that's what you meant
If the baby is in the toddlers room for no reason of lack of space and all sharing then they're probably suffering from serious sleep deprivation and understandably resentful of a newborn waking them every couple of hours!
Either way, make much of older toddler helping, bring a big sister and ensure 1-1 time and let them feel what they feel - they are allowed and this is normal reaction.
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