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Toddler acting up because of sibling

(15 Posts)
OhToBeASeahorse Sun 25-Oct-20 18:00:41

DS is 2 and DD is 2 weeks. For the first few days he was great but we now have food throwing at every meal, his concentration is poorer and he woke up screaming for me last night sad.

How can I help him without allowing him to chuck food around? At the moment I am spending as much time as I can with him, at the mo we are cuddled watching Hey Duggee while DH has DD but she is EBF... there's only so much he can do.

We normally just take food away when he starts throwing it but it is now instant. Normally we wouldnt offer him an alternative but tonight i have him some toast because he had eaten nothing at all. He always has yoghurt and fruit.

Any advice? Other than time and cuddles?

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Sun 25-Oct-20 18:31:34

It sounds like he's really struggling, poor little thing. Maybe express and get your DH to take the baby for a good few hours with a bottle or two so you can really spend some proper time with your son? Do that every couple of days to ease him in to the new normal.

OhToBeASeahorse Sun 25-Oct-20 18:37:35

I worried someone would say that. I absolutely hated expressing last time and got so little. I could give it a go though.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Sun 25-Oct-20 19:10:24

If you hate it, go for formula instead.

FTMF30 Sun 25-Oct-20 19:17:41

What breast pump did you use? I had a really crappy tomee tippee one and it would take forever just to get 3oz. I gave up and squeezed the milk out with my hand instead. It was like a miracle - way better than the breast pump.

Aside from that, could you try and include DS more with little things to help and then shower him with praise for it. Eg "could you get a nappy for DD from that drawer?" . . ."thank you, you're such a helpful big brother". Also, really making a big deal of the time you spend just the two of you. I think really enforcing the idea that he has a valued place in the family will really help.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sun 25-Oct-20 19:20:37

May not all be down to the new baby, 2 year olds do like to test boundaries. When he’s eating do you sit at the table with them, even if with the baby on the boob?

OhToBeASeahorse Sun 25-Oct-20 19:35:50

Yes we are all at the table together. Occasionally we dont eat at the same time but we sit with him if we arent.

We are really praising him where we can, giving him loads of cuddles etc etc. I really dont want to formula feed.

OP’s posts: |
firstimemamma Sun 25-Oct-20 19:46:22

No advice but just some reassurance - my friend was in a similar situation 6 months ago and things are much easier now and the toddler has fully adjusted to life with a sibling. There was no need for formula or expressing.

Well done on the breastfeeding. I breastfed my ds and also hated expressing. You're doing so well. thanks

OhToBeASeahorse Sun 25-Oct-20 19:48:12

@firstimemamma thank you. That made me cry a bit.

I just feel guilty. I'm worried I've ruined my baby boy. He's such a sweetheart and I can see him struggling.

OP’s posts: |
firstimemamma Sun 25-Oct-20 19:52:52

Sorry I didn't mean to make you emotional! Hope everything works out.

OhToBeASeahorse Sun 25-Oct-20 19:54:13

No it was good to hear some reassurance, thank you

OP’s posts: |
firstimemamma Sun 25-Oct-20 20:03:14

You're welcome smile

ThatGhastlyWoman Sun 25-Oct-20 20:07:40

Just chipping in to say that expressing is often much easier with a second child- it was for me, massively so. (And a better pump helped a bit.) Some one on one time sounds like a lovely idea. Make sure you get a bit of time and space for yourself too, if you can?

Lolalovesmarmite Sun 25-Oct-20 20:38:55

You don’t have to formula feed just to keep your 2 year old happy. That is ridiculous.

I was in the same boat a few months ago. It will get better. Your 2 year old just needs you to be calm and consistent and give him lots of love and reassurance. I found the following helped:

- Accept that for a while there’s going to be a lot of cbeebies. It means that you can feed your baby whilst cuddling your 2 year old. It’s not the end of the world if he watches a bit too much TV for a while.
- Don’t say you can’t do things because of the baby (even if it’s true). If he wants to do something that you can’t do, deflect in a positive way so “We’ll do that a bit later, how about we do this now”.
- I struggled at mealtimes as my baby is very high needs and clingy. So I shook up the routine a bit with picnics on the living room and found other ways to inject a bit of novelty.
- When she had tantrums I just kept it really quiet and calm. I asked her if she was feeling a bit sad/angry etc and then offered a cuddle once the initial anger had gone.
- I told my two year old constantly that the baby loved her. Every time she did something kind I really hyped up the praise.
- I let the two year old help pick the baby’s outfits and put the baby’s nappies in the bin.
- When they were both screaming I tried to focus on whose need was more immediate. Or I’d cuddle the toddler and put my hand on the baby’s stomach. If I thought 10 mins of TV would stop the toddler while I sorted the baby, the TV went on.
- The baby went in the sling a lot. It meant I could be much more active with the two year old and the baby wasn’t constantly visually between me and her.
- I told my two year old I loved her constantly and tried to keep everything positive.

The first few months were really hard, but remember that your two year olds understanding will be coming on leaps and bounds which will really help. His little world has been turned upside down and he really just needs the reassurance that you’re still there. My daughter now adores her little brother. She’d rather cuddle him than me and his face just lights up when she walks in a room. You’ll get there.

Mumisnotmyonlyname Sun 25-Oct-20 20:42:57

Sit him down and read him a story when breastfeeding. Maybe with a treat or apple slices or raisins. That worked with us.

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