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To hope that DS would one day come back from home without a bag ful of wee clothes

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Gardenowl Thu 15-Oct-20 16:47:56

I am at my wit's end. Posting here because I would like to know if my expectations are unreasonable and for traffic.

DS has recently turned 4. He started nursery in September. It is attached to a school so a poty trained child was a pre-requisite. We started potty training in June, he caught on in 3-4 days and barring a few accidents in the initial 2 weeks has been dry, including nights.

School started in September and he just wont admit to needing a wee. If he gets taken there then he will just stand there and do it with his trousers on or all over the place without his trousers just not in the toilet.

His teachers are justifiably upset and concerned, not at him but with the situation.

We feel that he does have anxiety and for a good time didn't speak in front of other people. He has been better recently but still wont do things (reading, singing etc) in front of other people. He is bright otherwise, reads fluently, very good with numbers, pretend play, reasoning, etc.

I have tried positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, ignoring the issue, everything but it is still the same.

Where am I going wrong? Do I just need to give him more time which is what I have been doing till recently but the school is now escalating and I do need to do something.

Any advice is massively appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
Gardenowl Thu 15-Oct-20 16:49:47

Sorry just saw that I got the title wrong - should be come back from school or come back home.

Should have previewed.

OP’s posts: |
JuliaJohnston Thu 15-Oct-20 16:50:34

Here we go again...

difficulttod Thu 15-Oct-20 16:53:03

@JuliaJohnston eh?

BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler Thu 15-Oct-20 16:53:04

When you say reads fluently, I assume this is War and Peace?

Gardenowl Thu 15-Oct-20 17:22:05

@BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler

smile

I wasn't trying to boast just saying that he doesn't have any other developmental issues except this and not speaking in front of others.

OP’s posts: |
Kanaloa Thu 15-Oct-20 17:37:09

Can his teachers not give him a bit of a hand? Maybe if they helped him do it in the toilet it would break the cycle. They could give lots of praise and that might encourage him to continue going in the toilet.

Also, maybe try and get him doing it independently at home. If you are taking his pants down and putting him on the toilet he might just not know how to do it alone.

eleventylevennamechanges Thu 15-Oct-20 17:40:03

Are you certain he isn't constipated? That is a common cause of lack of bladder control.

romeolovedjulliet Thu 15-Oct-20 17:44:03

JuliaJohnston

Here we go again...

she is refering to the fact some people trolls/perverts post pee and poo threads, not saying op is one though.

Mummydaydreams Thu 15-Oct-20 17:46:28

Had this recently, we were sending in 3 outfits a day and one day dc still had to borrow nursery clothes. I suggested going every time there's food offered so snack time/ lunch time etc just as another prompt. Lots of talking about how grown ups go when they need to, no holding it in for ages just go. We did no telling off as I think it was an anxiety thing. What eventually worked was about a month of being at pre school so more settled in combined with offering ice cream for pudding for a whole day with no accidents! They need to get their head around the new toilets/ people/ children etc and practise not leaving it to the last minute and getting undressed and in place on their own.

millymae Thu 15-Oct-20 17:49:22

I’d I’d say here we go again with the snide comments ......
Call me naive if you want, but I read OPs post as genuine and if I had had anything useful to say I would have replied accordingly.
I saw her comment about her little boys reading as being more of way of telling us he appeared to have no other developmental issues - it didn’t register with me as being at all unusual because I (so I am told ) was a very early reader as was one of my own children.
Perhaps those making the sarky comments would do well to ask themselves why someone would choose to boast about their child’s reading ability when they were highlighting a problem that indicated that they had other more worrying issues to contend with
What was it Caroline Flack said ...In a world where we can be anything be kind.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Thu 15-Oct-20 17:50:51

Is there a reason you waiting until he was nearly 4 to start potty training?

babygroups Thu 15-Oct-20 17:53:43

It is attached to a school so a poty trained child was a pre-requisite.

They are not allowed to refuse children who aren't toilet trained.

NotOfThisWorld Thu 15-Oct-20 17:56:56

Not at all unusual at 4. There were a few in reception having regular accidents and one still in year 1.

SheilaWilcox Thu 15-Oct-20 18:00:39

My DD had a few accidents when she was in reception. A few different reasons from 'got chatting and forgot to go' to 'scared of a spider in the toilets.'
She was completely grown out of it by the end of the year. I do remember how concerning it was at the time though.
At least the teachers are willing to help.
Might be difficult at the moment, but are you allowed to go in after school one night and take him to the toilet? You might see what the issue is straight away as you know him best. Might be something as silly as the height of toilet or pattern that scares him.
I doubt its anything physical as he's fine at home and overnight.

LilyMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 19-Oct-20 20:21:35

Hi all,

We're reinstating this one and moving it over to parenting. We've had a look behind the scenes and we're okay with our decision but as always - please do share and contribute only when comfortable.

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