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Walk out of baby class

(11 Posts)
EmilyDoesntKnowHerStuff Wed 14-Oct-20 14:32:08

I’ve just attempted to take DD (18months) to a baby/toddler class.

She spent the first 20mins solid crying and screaming on the floor. I sat and joined in the class to try and ignore her tantrum, hoping she would eventually give up and join in. She didn’t. In my embarrassment I picked her up and walked out. I’m now home feeling furious, embarrassed and hopeless.

What should I have done in that situation? As I feel like I’m doing everything wrong right now 😢

All I can say is thank goodness we have to wear masks!!!

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Sunshineandmoonlight Wed 14-Oct-20 14:33:55

My dd is autistic and I frequently had to leave classes with her at that age. I had no idea at the time why she was so challenging. I used to see parents now and again leave too with crying kids. Don’t worry about it, sometimes it’s just enough for the day. Try again next week

Merename Wed 14-Oct-20 14:39:55

Awww sympathies, we’ve all been there and it can feel so mortifying but really no one is judging you (if they are they are a dick), honestly most parents will be sympathising.

Do you know why she was crying? I’m of the ‘not ignoring’ camp, I tend to stay close and available during a tantrum, but not giving in if it’s over something being taken away or the like. I tend to think that they are experiencing some huge and overwhelming emotion that they don’t know how to deal with, and they need our help, I’m not sure how ignoring will help them learn how to process difficult feelings. I’m not criticising though as it’s a popular view and I don’t blame you for trying it.

I think it’s all about trying to stay calm and adult in these situations- easier said than done. If we can be calm and containing, we can help them feel safe whilst h thy is storm happens, and they know we are there. Mine tend to rage a bit and as they start to come down will come for a cuddle if I just sit close and say what I’m seeing. You’re angry. You really wanted a snack. Etc. The reasoning part can come later.

Not sure if any of that helps but I’m sure you’re not doing everything wrong. Being with small children is incredibly, incredibly hard at times and it’s all trial and error. Anyone who’d have you believe they know what they are doing all the time is taking the piss ime.

EmilyDoesntKnowHerStuff Wed 14-Oct-20 14:43:18

I hope you don’t mind me asking but at what age did you know/suspect your daughter was autistic?

I’m finding this behaviour with DD all too common. In fact I can’t actually remember ever going to a class/park etc where she hasn’t had a huge meltdown (I know I’ve previously been flamed for using that term but that’s honestly how it is).

I don’t think I can face going again xx

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Letsallscreamatthesistene Wed 14-Oct-20 14:45:06

In my experience theres always someone either having a nappy change or crying at baby classes. I dont think any parent or the group leader would bat an eyelid. Go back next week and try again!

00100001 Wed 14-Oct-20 14:46:37

Don't worry about taking her to classes for a while.

What was she upset about, do you know?

EmilyDoesntKnowHerStuff Wed 14-Oct-20 14:48:12

Thank you Merename. She cried because when we first walked into the class I made her stop so I could take her coat off. And that was it, the end of the world apparently. She just gets these rages as soon as she can’t do exactly what she wants, when she wants it. I managed to stay so calm today (I don’t know how) but I just feel sad that she’s not getting to enjoy these things because I’ve had to give up and take her home. Plus waste £6 on the class!!

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mabelandivy Wed 14-Oct-20 15:05:06

Sounds like normal 18 month behaviour to me. My 28 month old had a huge tantrum the other day because she didn't want to have to queue at a kiosk at a play park, followed by another tantrum as she didn't want to have to wait for the train. Sometimes you feel it's just you experiencing it and you sense other eyes on you, but honestly all children do this! Try not to let it bother you and attempt the class again next week smile

Disappointedkoala Wed 14-Oct-20 15:05:43

I once left a playgroup after 20 minutes because it was tantrum after tantrum, despite me taking DD out for a breather. I think it's a good idea to prepare them in advance - mine knows that as soon as we get to class it's coat and shoes off and use the hand sanitizer (because 2020!) It's be a strange environment especially with every thing closed for little ones for so long! I wouldn't worry too much, most parents have had that moment of "uh oh, this really isn't going well!"

CarrieBlu Wed 14-Oct-20 15:14:16

My dd is autistic and I frequently had to leave classes with her at that age. I had no idea at the time why she was so challenging.

Same with my autistic DD.

She just gets these rages as soon as she can’t do exactly what she wants, when she wants it

I used to think that with my DD, but after a while I realised that it was actually the change of environment, the noise, the bright lights, the taking away or changing of things that helped her feel safe (taking off a coat for example) that made her break down. It wasn’t about her not getting what she wanted at all, she was just completely overwhelmed and over stimulated by it all.

Yes, lots (most!) children have temper tantrums, but my DD’s behaviour went beyond that. It’s impossible for strangers on the internet to know whether your DD is just going through a stage of having tantrums, or whether it could be something more. But you’re not alone, it can be really hard work either way.

EmilyDoesntKnowHerStuff Wed 14-Oct-20 15:14:37

Thank you everyone 😊

I’m finding it so hard to build up the energy to deal with these tantrums! Day after day after day. I’m in awe of anybody whose had children, especially more than one!!


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