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Is not wanting to leave my baby alone with someone selfish?

(26 Posts)
alesha123445 Mon 05-Oct-20 15:21:46

My little girl is 7months. When my partners family are around mine or I'm at theres I'lll leave LO with someone to go the toilet, fetch something or whatever. With my family I will leave the room for hour long periods for space, I guess I just tust them partners family have been asking if they can babysit and I've said no everytime, I breastfeed and shes never had a bottle. I'd have to pump which takes a really long time for me, go through the stress of giving her bottles.. and just trusting someone to not against what I want for her. I think leaving the house without her is a big thing, I also dont work so id be stressing out my baby for the enjoyment of others. My babies also very timid and cries when theres too many people, shes a mummy's girl. Eeryone sees her at least once a week too, sometimes more.
My partners family are big believers in leaving grandchildren with the nans as it gives them time to spend together. I'm still saying no, is there a point where it becomes selfish? She does see her at least 3 times a week, one visit might be 20 mins and another will 4 hours. She does get to spend time with her.

OP’s posts: |
alesha123445 Mon 05-Oct-20 15:24:53

I know it can be different spending time with the grandchildren alone and with the mum there, maybe they feel more freedom to be weird or want to experience the caring side. I do get that part but at the same time I'm just not ready, but when does it become selfish.

OP’s posts: |
BeachCheese Mon 05-Oct-20 15:26:20

Not selfish at all, she's only tiny. When she's walking and talking it might be more ideal for her to spend alone time with family, but whilst she's completely non-verbal I can totally understand you not wanting to leave her with anyone, since she can't tell you if something's up.

BeanFreak Mon 05-Oct-20 15:28:00

Also, on a bit of a tangent, have you started introducing her to a little food/puree yet? Babies should be introduced to a little bit of food from 6 months onwards, as otherwise they can become iron deficient

unmarkedbythat Mon 05-Oct-20 15:28:23

No. Their demands are selfish though. She isn't a toy to be passed around.

ColleagueFromMars Mon 05-Oct-20 15:30:54

You are allowed to have your own boundaries around your child.

ColleagueFromMars Mon 05-Oct-20 15:31:16

I suggest the sentence "No and stop asking thanks."

alesha123445 Mon 05-Oct-20 15:34:24

Yh she is fed food, I started her on it at 6 months. She has 3 meal times and is breastfed on demand she doesnt eat much though.. I'd say 3 or 5 baby spoons but shed healthy 😊

OP’s posts: |
Teakind Mon 05-Oct-20 15:45:56

Not selfish at all. She’s your baby and you decide what you’re comfortable with. It drives me nuts when other people try and insist you leave your baby with them. It’s bizarre!

FourPlasticRings Mon 05-Oct-20 15:49:10

Not selfish, though I would say you're in a better position to refuse without causing upset if you make it a blanket policy of no babysitting. It seems more unreasonable if you allow your family to babysit but not his.

Whattodo914 Mon 05-Oct-20 16:05:24

She’s only little. Wait until you feel more ready. You might be glad of the offer when she older.

I wasn’t ready until age 2 with DC1, and about 18 months with DC2. Go with whenever feels right for you.

PollyPocket245 Mon 05-Oct-20 16:31:30

Definitely not! You have to follow your instincts and do what is comfortable for you. Family is important but you and your baby must come first. Like someone else said your LO isn’t a toy to be passed around xx

BeanFreak Mon 05-Oct-20 16:39:08

@alesha123445 clearly you are doing well by her smile , and it's completely reasonable not to want to pass your child round like a toy.

user1493413286 Tue 06-Oct-20 07:36:50

She’s little still; I’ve never understood this urge from grandparents to want the child by themselves; why can’t I be there if I want? I didn’t really leave my DD until she was 12 months but after that I felt more comfortable and it has been very handy to have grandparents who want to have DD but at 7 months there’s no rush

Razpoot Tue 06-Oct-20 07:52:15

so annoying isnt it, you're not selfish! I'm having the same problem, and mines only 2 months! confused I wish people would be more understanding instead of getting crabbit and acting like we're hogging the baby. My partners parents keep begging me to pump and leave bottles and I've explained I dont want her getting nipple confusion and its still so early, but of course my opinion doesn't matter does it hmm alongside that they have a dog and the few times I've been over with the baby they're insistent on trying to get the dog to 'play' with the baby and encouraging her to lick her! I tell them no but they don't listen, so WHY would I ever leave her alone with them! They're fine otherwise, but god people are wild

GammyLeg Tue 06-Oct-20 07:56:31

Not selfish in the slightest. She’s your tiny baby and the urge to be with her is totally natural.

Doesn’t matter if others leave their babies with nan- don’t be guilted!

GreyishDays Tue 06-Oct-20 07:58:40

Ours had one in one time with my mum, but from about aged five. She saw lots of them before that (with me), they are close. There’s no need to have them see them on their own.

Scubalubs87 Tue 06-Oct-20 08:06:33

No selfish at all. I struggled leaving my son while he was under 1. It made me anxious and I was fairly obsessive about our hard won routine. However, since I went back to work, he has spent a day a week with my MIL and is continuing to do so even though I’m now on my second maternity leave and don’t technically need the help. It’s a win all round: he has a wonderful relationship with his nanny and loves spending time at her house; MIL gets a lot of enjoyment having him for the day and thinking she’s helping me out; and I get a break from my boisterous 2 year old and get to spent the day just cuddling my newborn. I completely understand not wanting to leave your little one right now but there may come a time when you really welcome it.

jdoejnr1 Tue 06-Oct-20 08:08:33

What does the child's father think?

SoupDragon Tue 06-Oct-20 08:17:57

When my partners family are around mine or I'm at theres I'lll leave LO with someone to go the toilet, fetch something or whatever. With my family I will leave the room for hour long periods for space, I guess I just tust them more

What do you think they are going to do if you leave her with them for an hour? Do you have reason not to trust them?

BreatheAndFocus Tue 06-Oct-20 08:35:54

You’re behaving completely normally. It’s them that are the weird ones. I’m sick of reading about grandparents pushing to have babies by themselves. Babies aren’t a self-esteem aid or an opportunity to revisit motherhood. Because - lets be blunt - that’s the main reason they want mummy out of the way. It always seems to be the inlaws too.

If they keep pushing, be polite but more explicit eg say you wouldn’t think of it until 12/18/whatever months. If they’re using their visits to keep bringing this up, I’d be cutting those down a bit too.

This constant pressure is more than irritating, it’s an attempt to wear you down.

Ohalrightthen Tue 06-Oct-20 09:13:57

I seem to be on the opposite page to everyone else, but I'd take the time to myself if i were you. Being a mum is a marathon, not a sprint, and it can take a lot out of you without you really registering it. Even if it's just an hour in a coffee shop by yourself, I would highly recommend it. Especially if you're going to be a SAHM, you need to make sure you retain your own sense of self, and your own identity.

mindutopia Tue 06-Oct-20 10:00:48

7 months is still very tiny. By 3 or so, yes, I'd happily leave mine with family to do something (and they both went to nursery from about 10 months - that's different though, I trust nursery more than family). But there is a big difference between 7 months and a 2-3 year old toddler who is able to understand what's happening. A 7 month old doesn't really know who family members are and won't enjoy it.

Fishfingersandwichplease Tue 06-Oct-20 13:36:58

Don't mean to be controversial but when my daughter was born l quickly realised l wasn't the only one who loved her and yes she was my daughter, but she was also a niece, a half sister and a grand daughter and l felt like l wanted to share her with all these other people that adored her. But my dh's parents sadly died years before she was born so who knows- maybe l wouldn't have felt as comfortable leaving her with them as l did with my own mum. Your baby, your choice OP

Crystal87 Tue 06-Oct-20 16:52:42

I think it depends on the nan. My kids have been all been left with my own mum loads of times, they will never be left with my MIL. But that's because of other issues, if she was like my own mother, I wouldn't have a problem leaving them with her.

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