What baby first were stolen from you?

Choosing what theme nursery to have, my ex sik arrived with quilts, sheets & bumpers all with a yellow Teddy theme, exh hadn't the balls to tell her that we were already thinking of a different theme ourselves. I still hate her for that now & ds is 16.

Never really heard of this but I don't set much store by firsts anyway. I was never the first to see my kids walk because I worked. But the first time I see/do it is the first time for me, and that's fine.

Whenever people bought me things I didn’t like, I politely thanked them and returned/exchanged them for something I did like. Sometimes put it on and took a photo first.

What a weird way to think about things! Haven’t been especially fussed about any of those things.

There is such a thing as a first toothbrush "occasion" and first year old outfit?

Not stealing because I was in no fit state, but my mother gave DS his first feed. I was puking uncontrollably after an allergic reaction to the pain relief I was given in labour so he was handed to my mum with a bottle. I actually am fine with it - to be honest there are probably lots of times where you think you have caught a first but it isn't actually the first time - eg if your child is in nursery when they take their first steps, you are unlikely to be told, so you can think you have seen a first step when it could be the second or third time. If you see life as a competition, and think that people are genuinely wanting to best you, isn't it exhausting?

I mean how many rocking horses are you planning to get this baby?!?

Haven't a clue. This is really inconsequential. Can barely remember the baby days, they're teenagers now. Why worry?

Why is the first toothbrush a thing??

The only first I’ve had ‘stolen’ was the babies first go in the pushchair night seats having outgrown their bassinets. I was so upset and threw a right strop on the inside!

Seems daft looking back, but I was an odd ball of pnd mess at the time and it felt such a massive deal.

You're joking, right?

I disagree fundamentally with the whole concept behind this thread. Your child is not your property and it takes a village to raise a child. Therefore their ‘firsts’ do not belong to you and cannot be stolen.

buying my babies first toothbrush without asking

This definitely isn't a thing. No one is misty eyed when remembering the first time they brushed their baby's teeth, let alone just popping into boots to buy the toothbrush itself.

My first pregnancy was "stolen" didn't realise I was pregnant until 30weeks.

My MIL was adamant that she would give baby her first bottle and she was coming down for the birth so she could do that.

DH told her in no uncertain terms that wasn't happening. And she's still not forgiven me for breastfeeding, apparently I did it so she couldn't share the baby. You know, the one I grew and gave birth to. She also wanted to be called mamar because it sounds just like mama 😤

Sweet Jesus 🤦🏼‍♀️ people cant do right for doing wrong

None. Well I only briefly held DD2 and then DH got to hold her for the next two hours while I was having emergency surgery and was in recovery. I don’t know if that counts but I wasn’t bothered it. I was desperate for bf to be successful but before I went to theatre I told him if she needed milk when I was away then to give a bottle of formula.

DD1 gave her first smile to her own reflection.

Not stolen exactly but at 13 days old with DC3 I had painful split nipples (happened with every baby, not a latch problem), little sleep, felt knackered, drinking cold tea and health visitor called out. I said I was hoping the nipples might heal by week 3 as they had with my baby previous. She had picked him up and said “my goodness you we’re lucky, mine never healed before week 4 or 5. DS2 did his first smile at her. I was so disappointed.

Other than that, I liked relatives making purchases missed some things being at work but never worked away and it didn’t bother me, hopefully won’t live to regret it.

First toothbrush, one year outfit and rocking horse?? Such irrelevant things to worry about. I think you may be over thinking things rather than enjoying being a parent.

*were

I think it’s a bit strange when people feel so possessive about this stuff, in the main. I think that can come from things going on for the parent (eg someone upthread who linked it to PND, and definitely I can recall worrying about some of this stuff because I felt insecure about my role/competence as a mother), or sometimes things going on with the person who is keen to ‘steal’ the firsts (eg the grandparents who are obsessed with trying to sneak some solids into a pre-weaning baby).

I am pretty sure I didn’t buy DC1’s first toothbrush, and I didn’t know a ‘1yo outfit’ was a thing. OTOH I do appreciate it’s hard when you’ve looked forward to something that feels symbolic for you and it feels like that’s been taken from you. I do think it’s usually something we need to come to terms with, though - what with the baby being a whole independent person who may share their ‘firsts’ with a whole range of people who they love...

OP, if you're that bothered tell them to pack it in.

I very graciously let my DH deal with the first dirty nappy when DD was born. I do not feel robbed.

I can't remember many firsts, certainly not first year outfit or toothbrush. Couldn't you buy another toothbrush and use the one bought second, or just put the first year old outfit on the next day?

I think both of mine walked first at nursery. That's fine of course, it has to happen at some point.

OP you're setting yourself up for a life of bitterness. You will miss every first by your own hand if you continue with this ridiculous line of thought.