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Is it possible to fit everything in?

(8 Posts)
paintedpanda Sun 27-Sep-20 14:30:40

I'm just wondering if it is actually possible to squeeze everything you're meant to be doing into one week?

I work full time in the NHS. When I come home, I'm pretty tired. I'm fairly newly qualified so I'm on the bottom of band 5 and barely making enough to get by. DP makes around the same, so combined we're okay, but I have many more bills to pay than DP as the kids are not his (and I wouldn't feel right asking him to pay childcare) and I have debts from before we met. We share bills but he pays his mortgage himself. I would love to work some overtime to have a bit of spare cash but I feel so tired after a normal week, I'm just not sure I could manage.

I barely find the time to make a wholesome family meal. Proper food my kids should be eating. A lot of the time it's rubbish from the freezer or beans on toast. It's usually about 2 hours from when we get home to when the youngest goes to bed so there isn't always time to prep and make proper food.

Then homework. DP is not academic and struggles to help with this so it's down to me. DS is in Y3, DD in Y5. I have to stand over DS to get him to do his homework properly. His handwriting is appalling, and despite trying to improve it during lockdown, it's gone back to its usual messy scrawl. If I want him to write legibly, I have to stand over him and remind him for every word to go slow and take his time. DD has more homework this year than she's ever had. She's increasingly worried about it all. She worries constantly about getting things wrong which means helping her with her homework is 50% listening to her give me the right answer and 50% trying to stop her crying because she thought she was wrong. I don't know how to help her. I've given her self esteem and confidence books to read but she isn't interested.

I'd love them to do activities instead of coming home and sitting in front of a screen, but I would struggle to pay for them as things are tight, and I'd struggle to find the time to take them because of my shift pattern. I know this isn't possible at the moment due to COVID anyway, but I would really like it if they would do something else.

I feel like I'm constantly cleaning and tidying on my days off. DC do a lot of chores, possibly more than most kids their age. I feel like I'm asking them to do too much, but if I didn't then the house would be constantly untidy. How much is too much? DP does his fair share when asked but doesn't "see" the mess as such. I don't think that a carpet that needs vacuuming or shelves that need dusting, for example, are as much a priority for him as it is for me, IYSWIM.

DP keeps telling me that I need to take some time for myself but I honestly don't know where I can! I'm constantly on the go and only just keeping my head above water.
Is it possible to make my children well rounded, well fed, happy, clean, and independent while also working full time, keeping the house going, and also taking a bit of time for myself? How do you manage it all? I don't want this to turn into a "why isn't DP doing more" thread. He does his share when I ask him to, and the house is never dirty.

OP’s posts: |
formerbabe Sun 27-Sep-20 14:36:54

You live with your partner in his house? Is it in his name? You are very vulnerable. Sorry I know that's not what you're asking

Letsallscreamatthesistene Sun 27-Sep-20 15:15:03

Ok @formerbabe, theres no need is there? Thats not what shes asking at all.

OP im a nurse too, with a 6 month old, so different struggles. Ive just gone back to work and can relate on the struggles with the shift pattern and time to do things you're 'supposed' to do. I would say just do what you can. Dont worry about that dusty shelf, or the carpet that needs hoovering until you've got a few days off in a row. If ive got one day off inbetween shifts I literally do the bare minimum to make the house tick by, which takes the pressure off a bit.

As for meals, can you do some batch cooking and freeze it? Instead of cleaning, maybe do that during a day off. Then all you have to do is take things out of the freezer in the morning and dinner is sorted.

iguanadonna Sun 27-Sep-20 15:40:19

No, it isn't possible. It gets easier, but only because children get more independent and can help more.

Also, babe is right. If you live with a partner to whom you aren't married, in his house, your housing situation is very insecure. You need to do something about that.

Floralnomad Sun 27-Sep-20 15:45:32

Do the children go to after school club or CM , if so could you not get them to do the homework then . I’d also go and have a chat with your daughters teacher if she’s really that anxious about schoolwork at that age .

EternalOptimist7 Sun 27-Sep-20 15:48:18

Invest in a slow cooker - they’re brilliant!

ZZGirl Sun 27-Sep-20 15:55:15

Slow cooker or a pressure cooker. It'll save your food sanity! Chuck it all in before work, leave it on low. By the time you come home, presto, healthy, wholesome dinner!

paintedpanda Sun 27-Sep-20 17:11:46

Thank you all.

I know the vulnerable position I'm in but I'm still trying to divorce my exH (we have been separated 7 years) so until I'm divorced there isn't much I can do about it. The ball is rolling, but I guess that in itself is stressful. My DP is also aware of how I feel about it, but he's genuinely lovely. I have no worries there, but I am very aware of how quickly things can change. If anything does happen, my mum would take us all in without hesitation.

I think I'm just exhausted. My job is demanding, particularly at the moment, and although my kids are older, they still need a lot of my time and energy. I do need to go and speak to my child's teacher. Her Y4 teacher was very good when I spoke to him and started her in a social skills group where they discussed worries and confidence etc. I think, if it's up and running again, then she needs to go back to it. I really worry about her. There are also behavioural worries about DS who shows ADHD symptoms.

OP’s posts: |

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