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Does anyone else find it hard to talk about being a mum?

(11 Posts)
alesha123445 Wed 16-Sep-20 21:01:30

Hi everyone, my ittle one is 7 months and this is my first smile
I find it hard to talk to anyone about being a mother, when I bring up basic things they are countered with a comment.
For example when my babies been thirsty and Ive turned down their offer to give water and instead breadtfed, you can see the judgment from their face even when they dont realise its showing. If i say im not feeding my baby juice till they are 2, even if its very dilauted i get "we gave our kids juice" "i know a kid who has juice" When i talk about weaning and foods shes not ready for i get "but its really healthy" "its been recomened by diatriaitans" "this baby eats it and has no problems" When you talk about your baby sleeping you get "you can create unhethy attachments" "you'll soon want her out"

I feel like people are quick to ask about the babies routine and how i am, but are just as quick to give these comments. It makes me feel trapped like i cant talk to anyone about how I'm feeling and how being a mother is, I feel judged even though they may see these comments as creating conversation or offering advice. If I mention that I'm stressed I get the "just give her to such and such" its like no one really cares to just listen to how I feel without trying to advise me how to look after my baby. I do reply back with a comment backing up a reason im choosing this way of parenting, then i either get ignored or don't get a very nice vibe from them.
Has anyone else felt this way? I have no friends my age because being a mum has made it really hard to keep them so maybe its who im talking to.

OP’s posts: |
alesha123445 Wed 16-Sep-20 21:03:44

Please excuse the grammer, my eyes are so blurred from tiredness haha

OP’s posts: |
Dontcarewhatmyusernameis Wed 16-Sep-20 21:07:27

I know exactly what you mean. I remember a friend asking how I was when I was extremely sleep deprived when my baby was ten months and was still getting up in the night. I replied honestly, saying I was extremely tired and really struggling. Her reply was to suggest I gave the baby a bottle of formula to help her sleep through the night. I wasn’t looking for advice but apart from anything else my baby was breastfed! She had no idea how to drink from a bottle. It’s so frustrating when people reply to your conversation with advice, which is what you’re experiencing.
I think you just need to find the right mum friends - the ones who don’t do this. Be careful what you say to people who might make annoying comments. In hindsight I would’ve said to that friend “Tired - but ok thanks!”
It’s quite a shock to the system when you become a parent to see how opinionated so many people are - from family members to random strangers on the street.
I ended up feeling very isolated because of this kind of thing but it’s better now. I hope it gets better for you

Mouscadoo Wed 16-Sep-20 21:14:14

Yes, I have found this as a first time mom to a 7 month old also! For some reason parenting especially mothering seems to be free reign for people to pass judgement.

alesha123445 Wed 16-Sep-20 21:20:13

Yh i feel so lonley, its like im in a bubble and no ones seeing or hearing me. When i want a friend all I seem to get is people who want to tell me how to parent, its like my feeling are not really heard 😩

OP’s posts: |
LuckiestB Wed 16-Sep-20 21:27:49

FTM to a 7mo here too. Solidarity sister, I rarely talk about it for the same reasons. I'm lucky that my mum lets me do me, but I'd love to have some people around dealing with the same issues at the same time. Things get blurred so quickly, I can barely remember why I used to rock him for hours while he cried when he was 2/3 months - he never does that now and I physically couldn't do it anymore anyway. Weirds me out that I don't remember what or why, so how can people who did it X years ago give advice? No one can advise except yourself- sometimes hearing lots of different ways to cope can help. Maybe that's what people are trying to do. I've learnt so much about how I don't want to do it by watching Facebook groups and I've also learnt some things I wouldn't know otherwise. I can never understand the random shitty advice though, like one woman said to me as I passed her group of toddlers that "you shouldn't say good boy to him, he's not a dog"
He's 7mo and he's good boy because I bumped the pram and he handled the tap on the head well. I am fully aware he's not a dog. Why on earth would someone say that?
Mothers are so mean to each other and I can't fathom why - surely we should be working together!!!

LuckiestB Wed 16-Sep-20 21:29:21

Should clarify I wasn't talking to her children! I was talking to my baby in my pram grin

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 16-Sep-20 21:31:23

I don’t think mothers mean to be judgemental etc- I do there is this misconception that we should easily be friends with other mothers, solely based on the fact we are both mothers.
Separate to talking about parenting do you have friends- non mum friends who ask how you are rather than how you parent?

Mouscadoo Thu 17-Sep-20 07:30:43

I have had the exact comments that you mention made to me also, mainly by my mother in law. When baby wasn't sleeping well (she still isn't lol) MIL tried to say i shouldn't nurse baby at night and give water instead. But she never breastfed herself! It was very frustrating and still can be. I'm working on being more assertive. Its my child and I know whats best for her and so do you smile Do you have supportive family? I would be lost without my sisters. I started a swimming class aswell and its nice because there isn't pressure to become friends with the moms but you're around other babies and people and is just something nice to do! I hope you feel better, remember you are doing a Great job!! Sending hugs 💕

Letsallscreamatthesistene Thu 17-Sep-20 07:52:22

I used to feel like I had to justify things that I was doing, now I just cba tbh

MrFlibblesEyes Thu 17-Sep-20 08:24:07

Are you making it clear that you don't want any advice? If a friend said to me for example 'I'm stressed because I'm tired, my baby is still waking up 4 times a night and I dont know why' (just an example, not saying this is you) i would probably ask a few questions about routine and then offer advice because I would think they were asking for help. I don't really understand when something isn't working for a parent but they refuse to listen to any ways that things could be done differently and instead take it as a slur on their parenting (again, not saying this is necessarily what you're doing). I think as mothers we like to share what we have found helpful to try to make life easier for others- advice isn't mandatory, just do what you feel is best and let the comments wash over you.

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