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Just been pressurised to potty train by pre school

(44 Posts)
Essex123 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:45:07

I've just collected my just three year old from pre school, and was told that he really should be potty trained now he is three so that they can assess him.
In front of other parents I felt very judged and what is the assessment thing about?
I now feel really stressed about sending him tomorrow

OP’s posts: |
BlackberrySky Wed 16-Sep-20 12:48:48

It was wrong and unprofessional of them to mention it in front of other parents, that should be a private conversation. Is it necessary to be potty trained in order to move up into the pre-school room at the nursery? I know some places have that because of the staff supervision ratios. But whatever the reason, it should have been much more sensitively handled!

SkyeIsPink Wed 16-Sep-20 12:48:51

He needs to be potty trained before starting school so now is a good time to start.

I dont know about assessments but they could have been more tactful.

dementedpixie Wed 16-Sep-20 12:48:56

have you ever tried it? Does he have any special needs? Are they willing to help with it?

It was bad that they spoke out in front of other people though

Suzi888 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:50:04

They shouldn’t have said it in front of everyone, but by three I’d be starting it very soon, I’m surprised they haven’t mentioned it before.
Do they mean the base line tests ready for school?

Suzi888 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:52:09

“Is it necessary to be potty trained in order to move up into the pre-school room at the nursery? I know some places have that because of the staff supervision ratios” - It’s what blackberry pie said I would’ve thought. Sorry not the base lines!

blanchmange50 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:54:32

My DC all had to be toilet trained before they moved to the older group at nursery. So 3 or before. My last one wasnt showing much interested and we were reminded by the nursery. So i waited until we were off for the week and got on with it.

They maybe shouldnt have been so public but I am surprised you havent started already

OverTheRainbow88 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:55:15

My DS started a pre school a month before he was 3, he was no where near potty trained. They can say potty trained is preferably but it’s illegal to refuse kids because they are wearing nappies.

I’m also not enjoying the drop off and pick ups outside as it’s made it impossible to have a private conversation with the workers as all the parents are waiting at the same place at the same time.

Maybe you could call them?

OverTheRainbow88 Wed 16-Sep-20 12:56:19

My DC all had to be toilet trained before they moved to the older group at nursery.

That is illegal and poor practice. So a kid with special needs may be kept in the baby room until they are 5? I wouldn’t stand for sending my kids to somewhere with such a terrible policy

tiredanddangerous Wed 16-Sep-20 12:58:57

Nursery were completely wrong to say anything in front of other parents. Barring any special needs though most children are potty trained by 3. Pre schools in my area take children at 2.5 and they have to be potty trained before they can start.

Roselilly36 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:00:08

I think they should have spoken to you privately.

Our local nursery school won’t take a child unless potty trained. I didn’t potty train my DS’ until they were around 3, our local playgroup would take toddlers in pull ups and support with potty training etc.

Bikingbear Wed 16-Sep-20 13:00:55

Don't stress about sending him, given the whole Social Distancing it not easy to have a private word so really don't stress.
Have a think about when is a good time for you to potty train, 3 day at home and you should be able to crack it. So a long weekend and send him to nursery with a few changes of clothes.

Angel2702 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:02:02

I thought it was normal to ask for potty training to be done by school age nursery at 3. They can’t refuse if they aren’t potty trained but it is expected unless there is a particular reason. They are often very good at supporting potty training for those that take a bit longer.

blanchmange50 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:03:06


I didnt mention children with special needs being kept back in baby rooms or other DC? You have made an assumption. The nursery was fantastic and preferred DC to be more independent when moving to the 3+ room as the staffing was less. However they didnt stop a DC moving if they were not toilet trained. However most were....

slipperywhensparticus Wed 16-Sep-20 13:03:53

Thats OK send him in with pants and spare clothing

Thisismytimetoshine Wed 16-Sep-20 13:04:44

Why are you averse to potty training him? He's 3!

OverTheRainbow88 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:06:57


I haven’t made an assumption you clearly said

My DC all had to be toilet trained before they moved to the older group at nursery.


FTMF30 Wed 16-Sep-20 13:08:25

Same here regarding the drop offs/pick ups!

I think that's the crux of the issue. Bringing it up in front of other parents is quite inconsiderate and unprofessional.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Wed 16-Sep-20 13:09:09

Well they shouldn't have said it upfront of people, but when qere you planning on potty training?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion Wed 16-Sep-20 13:09:50


Itllbeaninterestingchristmas Wed 16-Sep-20 13:11:17

I think it’s because most parents have tried potty training by three and most children are trained by three.
I started at 2 years 9 months and he’s still not fully trained 5 months later. We’ve obviously got an issue and are receiving support from the hv and the preschool. if you don’t try until later its longer before any problems are picked up

inappropriateraspberry Wed 16-Sep-20 13:17:42

Has he just turned 3, or getting nearer to 4? If the latter, then yes he probably should be potty trained by now. If the former, then it's time to think about it, but he may not be ready.
I'm sure they didn't mean to embarrass you or make it awkward in front of others. Ask if you can speak in private or via email to discuss it further (the potty training). They should offer good support with it.
You can also ask them not to discuss anything else in public and to contact you another way if needs be.

Thisismytimetoshine Wed 16-Sep-20 13:18:40

I'm confused as to why it's so shocking to be asked to potty train a 3 year old, tbh?

Bernardstolemywatch Wed 16-Sep-20 13:19:13

I do think an attempt to potty train him should have been made by the time he’s 3. Maybe you have already, which is fair enough. But you seem shocked that this has been requested of you.

LovingLola Wed 16-Sep-20 13:24:34

Have you tried before?

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