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My mum keeps calling my DD 'hers'...

(62 Posts)
October13 Sat 12-Sep-20 16:52:24

I know I am probably completely overreacting and being overly sensitive but I can't help that it annoys me! Every time my mum asks about her she always says "How's my baby?" "How's my girl?" or even "Our girl". I just wanna snap at her and tell her that she's mine and not hers (again I know this is silly). Has anyone else felt like this?

OP’s posts: |
SBTLove Sat 12-Sep-20 16:54:38

She doesn’t mean it’s her baby, it’s just a turn of phrase, chill out.

Nelbert19 Sat 12-Sep-20 16:58:19

My mum calls my 7 week old son ‘my boy’. I think it’s sweet

growinggreyer Sat 12-Sep-20 17:00:27

Well, you are her baby so you should answer, "I'm ok, Mum, thanks for asking."

Wearywithteens Sat 12-Sep-20 17:01:02

Ahh you are being over sensitive but if you’ve just had a baby it’s understandable. She knows full well that she’s your daughter but she obviously loves her new granddaughter and to her, she’s ‘hers’, as in ‘her granddaughter’.

I just know when I have GC I’ll do this - ‘how’s my x?’ ‘Here’s my y’...but it doesn’t literally mean their mine but it’s just a way of showing a kinship and love. I’d hate to think that something loving would be misconstrued as hurtful.

kissmysass Sat 12-Sep-20 17:01:31

You're being very sensitive.

Rtmhwales Sat 12-Sep-20 17:02:14

Do you have a strained relationship with your mother? I refer to DS as my mum's tiny terror often. I ask my best friend who's just had a boy how "my sweet boy" is regularly, as she did to me. It's showing their part of my family and that I love them.

SqidgeBum Sat 12-Sep-20 17:03:33

My MIL kept doing this. I ignored it but then she started saying 'you dont let me take my baby out to show her off' (she liked to disappear with her when we were out and about and talk to people like she was the Mum) or 'you dont let me put pictures of her on Facebook. I want to show off my baby'. It got a bit .... strange. DH actually snapped at her and said "not your baby. Our baby. Me and Squidge".

I think it depends on the context and what way they are acting. It may just be a harmless turn of phrase.

AuditAngel Sat 12-Sep-20 17:03:45

I call my year old twin nephews “my boys”

October13 Sat 12-Sep-20 17:04:15

Like I said, I know I'm being over sensitive and I know my mum doesn't mean that she is hers. She is my first baby and is only 2 months old.

OP’s posts: |
Timpani Sat 12-Sep-20 17:04:50

Nope. Because my mum died before I had kids.

Perspective.

October13 Sat 12-Sep-20 17:07:01

@SqidgeBum my mum does do similar things... Like we went out shopping and I set the baby in the pram and my mum automatically took her. She's also said things like "I want the family to meet my baby".

OP’s posts: |
GunsAndShips Sat 12-Sep-20 17:08:42

It's a term of endearment. She loves her granddaughter and that's what she's saying: she feels like she's part of her, which she is.

Look at it this way, the way you adore your DD, love her completely with ferocity and instinct, that's how your Mum feels about you and she's watched her baby produce her own baby. That baby is hers. It is part of her family.

My MIL always said this, still does now even though our girl is 13 now. She was so blown away by having a grandchild as she never thought she would feel that instinctive adoration again.

Seriously, let it go.

Unless there's a massive drip feed I'm about to cross posts with and your mother is a narcissistic hellhound.

Aridane Sat 12-Sep-20 17:11:44

Perfect post , @GunsAndShips

Aridane Sat 12-Sep-20 17:12:15

My nephew is My Boy. Always has been, always will be

Tacca Sat 12-Sep-20 17:13:46

Your mum is trying to show you how much she cares about you and your daughter. She is trying to be supportive and has chose an affectionate term that lets you know that her love extends to not only you, but the person you now hold dear and she will always be there for her.

She doesn't mean it literally, she is just strengthening the bond between you all by using such a strong phrase, you are just looking at it the wrong way. There is nothing but love and kindness in the wording she is using, she would have to be a psychopath to actually believe the baby was hers.

Standrewsschool Sat 12-Sep-20 17:15:02

I can see why you feel slightly peeved, but I think the examples given are just general terms of endearment.

However, if she starts dictating how you bring up dd, demand time with ‘her’ grandaughter, ie. basically interferes, then you should worry.

SqidgeBum Sat 12-Sep-20 17:15:27

@October13 I would pay more attention to actions than words. I had to assert myself with my MIL eventually. One day DD was crying, MIL was holding her, I said 'give her to me and I will feed her' and she did this thing where she held her away from me and wouldnt let me take her. She even ran off down the hallway with my 6 week old like it was a joke and she was a 5 year old. I had to say 'give me my baby, NOW'.

Assert yourself if her actions are a problem. DMs and MIL sometimes need reminding that you make the rules. Sometimes it's just a learning thing for both parties. It's sometimes better to ignore the words but act on the actions.

Redcups64 Sat 12-Sep-20 17:16:19

I call my dog ‘my girl’ it’s a turn of phrase, I’m not actually saying my dog is my biological child but ‘my girl’.

If the baby is young maybe you still have lots of hormones? I was a bit irrational at the first few months of giving birth, it’s the hormones though so it will ease in time.

PickwickThePlockingDodo Sat 12-Sep-20 17:18:05

Look at it this way, the way you adore your DD, love her completely with ferocity and instinct, that's how your Mum feels about you and she's watched her baby produce her own baby. That baby is hers. It is part of her family.

Exactly this.
Your baby is an extension of you - her baby.

AConvivialHost Sat 12-Sep-20 17:18:19

If she asks 'how's my baby?' or 'how's my girl?', I'd respond with 'I'm really well thanks, how are you?'.

GunsAndShips Sat 12-Sep-20 17:20:02

I'm more aware as my children grow older that they are not mine alone. They actually don't belong to anybody of course as their own inimitable selves BUT they are shaped by the tribe who love them. My parents, inlaws etc have nurtured, supported, led and loved my children and us as their parents. They are ours.

My nieces and nephews are ours too. We all say it. We mean you belong.

It's such a lovely sentiment op.

hiredandsqueak Sat 12-Sep-20 17:21:23

I call my dgs "best boy" which dd likes because it offends ds. I think there is always potential to offend somebody whatever you say.

TableFlowerss Sat 12-Sep-20 17:22:29

Timpani

Nope. Because my mum died before I had kids.

Perspective.

Sorry about your loss 💐

Same here. I could only dream that my mam could meet my children. Perspective alright

mollibu Sat 12-Sep-20 17:28:24

I call my nephew "my boy". E.g I'll text DB and ask him how my boy is. I know very well that he's not mine. Very sensitive, OP.

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